Ask HN: Discuss ADHD and your use of medication

I'd suggest you get tested by more than one doctor and seek medication. It'll help but it won't fix your old habits and how your brain has been wired up to this point. But medication will at least give you a chance to create some mental space to notice things and try to change them.

You're are who you're. Acceptance also helps. Being neurodivergent is not bad, it's different.

I wish I had been diagnosed decades ago, but where I live ADHD was considered something you grew out of, or didn't exist, or.. so at 40 in my session with the ADHD dcotor, I said the same things I told other doctors decades ago and they never connected it to ADHD, unfortunately.

So in other words, "just stop having ADHD, what's the big deal?"

I did this up until about six months ago and definitely appreciated the chance to reconnect with my "nominal" self, but unfortunately it was causing significant issues for me and my family. I would crash and be tired (which was not unusual in and of itself, but more exaggerated), I would have extreme executive dysfunction, and I would be completely unable to get anything done around the house and/or spend quality time with my wife and kids. It was all the misery of my pre-medicated working life compounded and condensed into the most precious hours of my personal life.

I was reluctant to start taking meds seven days a week because I feared even more that it would start losing its effectiveness over time, but fortunately that has not happened (yet) and my weekends are much more productive and happier for everyone.

Realizations and some serious soul searching after: - My current relationship almost imploded, and my current partner is the best thing, but also the most challenging thing, that ever happened to me. - Always changed jobs on the regular, even geographical locations at times. - I have too many projects, this should burn average Joe/Jolene out in a heartbeat? Why do I keep enjoying adding on top of the pile so much? - How can others save money when I almost live on a month-to-month basis despite earning more than the average person around me? - Stopped feeling "joy" in moments I know I should enjoy. I remember how it felt when summer came, or I saw those beautiful green hills that I liked as far as the eye can see, or the white powder snow bursting around me when carving the snowboard through fresh snow. Those moments stopped giving joy, why? Others take vacation all the time and have genuine joy - I equal amount of joy at home vs going to a new destination. - People have been joking about the fact that I clearly have "a letter combination" - I hyperfocus and can work 3 times as fast and much as anyone else doing the same thing... if it's technical and challenging.. but I never complete them. And completely forgetting people and other tasks around at the same time, such as eating. - I always had "easy access to my emotions" in the sense that, I can get frustrated quickly for things others can just "let go" - how do they do that? And why does it linger so long? - Why do I have different feeling towards attachments to people? I miss my partner if they're gone for a week, that's normal I suppose.. But I consider old friends to still be "best friends" despite not having talked to them for 15 years, and I feel the same way about them I did 15 years ago. But I don't miss them at all — in the sense "I have to go see them now" or "If I don't talk to them on the regular I fear we might drift apart". - Even tho I stopped using or looking at things a long time ago - why does it feel like I never stopped using or enjoying those things? I'm still emotionally attached to a car that I didn't even use in 10+ years. Most people would have forgotten about it by now — but for me they don't lose any value. - Why do I ramble and start talking about something I haven't thought through, and the process appears to be, "talk it out until it makes sense" and eventually something coherent would come out at the expense of, "everyone stopped listening half an hour ago" - or I annoyed someone in the process by using the wrong words. Others don't appear to have this issue? - Why is it that mundane tasks in general are so hard to do and people are right when saying "Just do it now? It's a bag - it should go into the trash outside - it's not rocket science?". And why does it help if there's a time pressure aspect to it? Like a date coming over, or the garbage man is about to come, or whatever silly thing.

Today: - took a chance, paid for private healthcare (~2 100$) — despite it being "free" to do here, and got ADHD-evaluated. Waiting time was expected to be around ~5 years in best case scenario for the free option. If you're considered "successful in life", then you might not even be allowed to get a free diagnosis here because you "don't have any issues going through your expected lifespan". - Currently on Methylphenidate (Concerta 50mg / Medikinet 40mg + Ritalin 10mg) - Going through trial and error with medication dosage and health care professionals who really favors Concerta and Methylphenidate in general. And to quote, "Elvanse is a hip thing everyone does these days - we'll try Concerta first". - Working on myself. I feel I've done everything I wanted to do, now I want to better coalesce with others and see if I can do good for the future generation. - Being as honest as can be with everyone around me and myself whenever I'm in a situation that doesn't transgress "normal", that I might stumble and figure things out.

Positives: - I can now focus better, I get more stuff done in a structured manner. And hopefully not causing concerns for people around me if X is going to get done or not - and at what quality level. - I don't randomly change subjects when I feel a conversation has stagnated in group conversations - I finally don't get so emotional when someone corrects me - I finally don't get so emotional when I realize I messed up and I can keep my composure - I finally don't spiral in conversations where I haven't formed a sentence in my head beforehand - It's not a physical constraint any longer to do chores, such as getting off the couch to take out the garbage. It used to be "inefficient" to do chores immediately when "I'm going to the kitchen in 10 minutes anyway" (which is a lie I told myself to release myself from the physical feeling of not being able to, wanting to, but not being able.. so I could let the feeling go. 10 seconds later I would forget about it, and when I do walk to the kitchen — you forgot you were supposed to efficiently also take out the garbage).

Negatives: - People consider medication a risk, or it altering you, people worry in general - Physical problems such as potential mood changes, urinary incontinence, or sexual disorders to name a few - Common side effects are to be expected, headaches, increased blood pressure, etc. - Easy to forget the medication - Easy to be complacent, any "coping mechanisms" built up might not get as much love as it needs - Weight loss, it's genuinely harder to eat normal portions, and is awesome at first — until it isn't and you realize you swung the bar the other way on where you wanna be. - Potentially you can get curious, "what else might work?", to the point where you experiment too much

Was it worth it? I think so. It's has not been a magical bullet to get diagnosed nor did I expect it to be. Same goes for the medication. But it sure felt good after having spent a few years without external help to some degree, self-analyzing, self-diagnosing, and now getting confirmation that the effort wasn't misaligned or time wasted. Now knowing that when I try a "tool", it's not a huge waste of time considering I will have to try quite a few. We only have so much time on our hands, and considering the diagnosis and aid came half way through the average lifespan in my country, I'd like to put effort into "tools" that should work rather than randomly stumbling after some that might work.

People also tend to give you slightly more wiggle room while figuring stuff out which helps. It used to be that people saw a 35+ year old person "figuring out how garbage works" and giving you zero room for processing those things. This wiggle room has lead to less emotional blockades making it easier to go through with things.

Your process and results will be unique - make the most of them.