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The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

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Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

#101

Post by zilti »

resolutebat wrote: post #53
alwa wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’m curious, what’s the basis for that claim? I’m surprised to learn that the constellation, incidence rate, and intensity of bullying behaviors don’t vary along sociocultural lines. Do you mean that there are no examples of areas or situations that have been more successful than others at addressing these kinds of youth behaviors?

Of course there is variance, but I'm not aware of any culture that doesn't have bullying in school. Many places generally applauded for being high-trust, harmonious adult societies (the Nordics, Japan, Australia etc) certainly have a problem with it. Random example: https://www.abc.net.au/news/2016-10-20/trinity-grammar-stude...

LOL since when is Australia seen as "high-trust, harmonious adult society"? It is very USA-like in many ways. And the nordics are hardly any different to anywhere else in Europe in that regard.

Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

#102

Post by tomhoward »

coolandsmartrr wrote: post #80
tomhoward wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I sympathise with the thought process, but more laws/rules can't/won't fix it. Many (most?) jurisdictions in the western world and elsewhere already have laws against workplace harassment, and the possibility of civil action against any conduct that leads to severe emotional distress. And schools have rules against it. But it still happens - determined/clever bullies will always find a way to make their mark in some…

I can understand your concerns regarding the difficulty of enforcing of these anti-bullying policies. What are some resources you would recommend to help learn how to stand up to bullies? I am also rather skeptical that companies will prioritize providing emotionally healthy places. Bullies can be people in a higher position (seniority, ranking, etc) than their victims, and companies are incentivized to rule in favor…

Robert Greene’s books/videos/interviews are probably a good option.

They were inspired by his own experience of being bullied/exploited as a writer in Hollywood.

They are criticized for being harmful explanations of how to behave in manipulative and damaging ways: his response is that he doesn’t like that this is the way people behave - he’s suffered from it as much as anyone else - he is just writing about what he’s observed in human nature and society so people can learn how to not be victim to it.

Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

#103

Post by 15457345234 »

jahsome wrote: post #34
HeOwnsTwitter wrote: post #2

Yep, age 7 and 11 were peak bullying ages. Verbal and physical abuse, scapegoating. Ignored and blamed by administration. Parents from an era where “boys will be boys”. Now: Homeless and broke. Out of work for a long time. I let people shit all over me, even in adulthood. I was told that adulthood would be different. In fact, it was the same as childhood, but more insidious. I pray for death being unable to commit su…

We sound similar. In my case, inpatient treatment (looney bin) has helped immensely, especially when I found myself with no where else to go. I hope you find the peace you deserve.

That's a drastic response and I'd like to say - as a person that is in good mental health - that I've observed exactly the same type of unpleasant psychological manipulation by way of the big social platforms.

I made the mistake of discussing potential relationship issues using FB messenger, over the course of a couple of weeks my feed became almost entirely toxic memetic content; infidelity memes, cuckoldry memes, 'man up bro' type of content, incel content and a lot of gradual 'pushing out'; videos of men in the woods alone hunting, people living 'happily' in vans with dogs, alone, always alone, and with a vague hint of 'you can get your revenge' thrown in there - no specific 'calls to action' but a general destabilising push. Some of it was really really awful and bleak; the man alone in the woods hunting realising the only person he can trust ever is his ever-faithful dog, it was really toxic. Also 'homeless' - I think one day I must have seen the word 'homeless' in literally every single comment I opened. I've never seen a word so many times in my life. It was incredibly strange.

I could see a person who was already quite unhappy and isolated being driven to do something really stupid if they didn't protect themselves by pulling the plug, which I did.

In addition just about every single comment section everywhere has people stirring up drama. Reddit has had to ban 'crime' posts from local city subreddits because people flood the subs with endless 'CRIME EPIDEMIC STAY INSIDE IT'S SAFE INSIDE' type posts that serve only to create tons of anxiety. It's not accidental, it's something that's being done.

I do think that a lot of the issues with homelessness, migratory behaviour and isolation within society are caused by these platforms pushing this sort of 'ah just give up on society, be an island' mentality on people.

I'd say that it's now very very hard to maintain a normal state of mental health if you make extensive use of these platforms; very hard but doable if you confine yourself to a desktop, almost impossible if you have the apps on your phone.

Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

#104

Post by 15457345234 »

tinycombinator wrote: post #6
HeOwnsTwitter wrote: post #2

Yep, age 7 and 11 were peak bullying ages. Verbal and physical abuse, scapegoating. Ignored and blamed by administration. Parents from an era where “boys will be boys”. Now: Homeless and broke. Out of work for a long time. I let people shit all over me, even in adulthood. I was told that adulthood would be different. In fact, it was the same as childhood, but more insidious. I pray for death being unable to commit su…

Could you elaborate on "demoralization campaign" and the "psychological warfare" happening?

Read my other comment. I've observed very clearly before the social platforms throwing toxic content at you when you're discussing life troubles using their messenger applications. It's very unpleasant.

Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

#106

Post by llm_trw »

PH95VuimJjqBqy wrote: post #70
WIJIS6F3 wrote: post #40

I was bullied, mainly when I was between 10 and 11. This was in the 80's. I recall being both verbally and physically attacked by large groups of other students. My teachers didn't believe me so I couldn't turn to them. In one of the events 8 kids chased me several miles through neighborhoods and fields. Eventually they caught and surrounded me in a front yard. Luckily, an older woman opened her door and had me step…

I moved a lot as a kid and inevitably when I would get into a fight. Once it was established that I didn't bully well I'd be left alone. Thing is, the world is like that past HS it's just not physical violence. Learning to deal with bullies is a life skill that will be employed throughout most of your life.

Looking at kids these days they lack that skill and suffer for it.

It's like we've decided that bikes with training wheels are too dangerous until you turn 18 and then we put you on a rocket powered motorcycle instead.

Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

#107

Post by Markoff »

I wonder do bullies know they are bullies (like crazies realizing they are crazy)? Judging by this thread no bullies exist among IT people and all of them are victims of bullying.

Luckily I was not really bullied thanks to my height being always tallest in class and besides being kinda shy nerd I hang out with popular kids not being completely out of touch.

Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

#108

Post by [deleted] »

yungporko wrote: post #98
imadierich wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

tbh two different people gain two different lessons being raised this way. your experience is unique. others have went to the military and/or had tough dads and it made them completely better as a person. "bullying" is a natural part of human life. its always up to the person to be courageous and get through. Your personal perspective is apart of current societies views on it...plus your own. there are kids who had n…

i think you're getting discipline and bullying confused, they're very different things. discipline is of course necessary, but going through life walking on eggshells because you don't know exactly what is going to set your dad off but you know it's coming for one reason or another because he's clearly in a bad mood is not having a "tough dad", and does not make anybody better as a person. in order to hold this opini…

[deleted]

Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

#109

Post by imadierich »

yungporko wrote: post #98
imadierich wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

tbh two different people gain two different lessons being raised this way. your experience is unique. others have went to the military and/or had tough dads and it made them completely better as a person. "bullying" is a natural part of human life. its always up to the person to be courageous and get through. Your personal perspective is apart of current societies views on it...plus your own. there are kids who had n…

i think you're getting discipline and bullying confused, they're very different things. discipline is of course necessary, but going through life walking on eggshells because you don't know exactly what is going to set your dad off but you know it's coming for one reason or another because he's clearly in a bad mood is not having a "tough dad", and does not make anybody better as a person. in order to hold this opini…

[dead]

Re: The adult consequences of being bullied in childhood

#110

Post by em-bee »

h4ch1 wrote: post #31

Not bullied in school since I could usually hold my own, but bullied by my father throughout my life. Being in a country where parental corporal punishment is normal, even encouraged, I was hit for minor to major (getting bad marks, staying out late to play with friends) events all throughout my life till I could save up enough to move out when I was 18. It took me my entire college life to get over the feeling of dr…

i am sorry you had to go through this. my dad wasn't as bad. from todays perspective what i experienced looks more like loss of self-control than intentional action. in any case i probably would never have been able to stand up for myself. partly because the outbursts were always connected to something we did, so it was easy to see it like the reason or the trigger was caused by us, and not my dad just being in a bad mood. like what you experienced. we blamed ourselves and didn't have any way to defend ourselves.

however, once my dad was going at my one year younger brother, and for some reason i had enough. interestingly i can't even remember my brother being a target before that, so maybe that was why it was to much for me. it wasn't something i was used to seeing.

i got between the two and pushed my dad against the wall, and told him "that's enough". i was not strong by any means but strong enough to do that.

that was the end of it.

the key element of that experience is that while i never tried to defend myself, something in that situation triggered me to defend my brother. and we were not close as brothers go. and still are not, this brother in particular. so the desire to protect and stand up for others is what helped me to get out of this experience.

i can still sense something like what you feel when someone is going at me. but if anyone is going at someone that i am somehow responsible for or have the ability to support, be it people under me in my team, or children or my partner or even friends, then my reaction is different. at a minimum i will get the person out of harms way and have them going at me instead.

i don't know if this is helpful to anyone. i suppose that wanting to protect others helps me tolerate abuse better. but the other thing i learned from that is to simply walk away when the abuse gets to much. i have cut of contact with anyone who is in any way critical of any aspect of my life or my work. i just don't have the desire to defend myself, and i don't need that kind of unfounded criticism. (i love constructive criticism however, and find that very helpful, so it's not like i can't tolerate any criticism at all)

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