Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

academic.oup.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

101–110 of 205 posts

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#101

Post by scarface_74 »

sooheon wrote: post #96
scarface_74 wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It does just for logistics. If we have $1000 in our joint account and we both spend $600 without talking to the other, it’s going to overdraft. On the other hand, if we both have our “own” account even if they are really joint accounts, that’s not a problem. My wife doesn’t work now. I put money into “her” account every pay period based on what we agreed on - and to make her whole once I “retired” her. She has access…

> I put money into “her” account every pay period based on what we agreed on She can continue to spend the amount you guys have agreed on from a joint account.

It’s much easier just to open your bank app and know whatever is left in there you can spend until the next pay period.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#102

Post by brazzledazzle »

sooheon wrote: post #96
scarface_74 wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It does just for logistics. If we have $1000 in our joint account and we both spend $600 without talking to the other, it’s going to overdraft. On the other hand, if we both have our “own” account even if they are really joint accounts, that’s not a problem. My wife doesn’t work now. I put money into “her” account every pay period based on what we agreed on - and to make her whole once I “retired” her. She has access…

> I put money into “her” account every pay period based on what we agreed on She can continue to spend the amount you guys have agreed on from a joint account.

I think sometimes people need a show of things to feel secure, even if there’s no functional benefit.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#103

Post by bandyaboot »

ke88y wrote: post #93
civilized wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why is this necessary?

For most people it's because they live paycheck-to-paycheck, at least after things like 401(K) contributions. Of course if you are lucky enough to have $30K+ coming in per month and your necessary monthly bills are closer to $5K then budgeting and tracking spending out of the checking account is wildly unnecessary. But if you have say $5K-$6K coming in each month and $4K of that goes to necessary monthly bills then c…

Why would having separate accounts eliminate the need to communicate for larger purchases for couples in the latter situation. Sounds like that would lead to even bigger issues.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#104

Post by scarface_74 »

ndriscoll wrote: post #94
tw04 wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Because joint accounts have always seemed weird and controlling to me? I don’t want my wife to have to “check in” when she wants to buy something. She can spend her money on whatever she wants. We split the bills according to our income (more or less) and discuss saving more when we know larger expenses like a trip or home improvements are on the horizon. I don’t need access to her checking accounts or credit cards b…

Interestingly enough, your reasoning is why we share accounts. I'm the sole income earner, so it would seem controlling to me if my wife had an "allowance". I'd presumably still feel that way if she worked outside the home but we had an income (or spending) disparity; it's all our money (both in how we treat it and, if it came down to it, how the law sees it) and we can both use our judgement on whether to buy someth…

> Interestingly enough, your reasoning is why we share accounts. I'm the sole income earner, so it would seem controlling to me if my wife had an "allowance".

I’m also the sole bread winner and my wife does have an “allowance”. It gets deposited into her account. I also have an “allowance” that’s slightly less than hers - what’s left over after all of the bills are paid and savings.

> I'd presumably still feel that way if she worked outside the home but we had an income (or spending) disparity; it's all our money and we can both use our judgement on whether to buy something. We both have access to everything because we trust each other to be financially responsible.

My wife and I also have access to everything.

> It does help that she hates clutter and I think everything is a ripoff so neither of us does much frivolous spending

Well, we don’t have to worry about buying stuff at all or creating clutter. Everything we own has to fit in four suitcases. :)

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=36306966

Our lives are really about experiences.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#105

Post by bandyaboot »

hypertele-Xii wrote: post #32
paulryanrogers wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It can make inheritance simpler in some cases. And if the other person develops into an asshole (not that anyone plans to) then it can also be simpler when it comes time to part ways.

Marriage is supposed to end when you die, remember your vows?

That’s not true of all marriage vows. It’s not uncommon for self written vows to essentially be a long-winded way of saying “I promise to be a good partner as long as we’re married”.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#106

Post by bandyaboot »

sn41 wrote: post #49
dugmartin wrote: post #5

I don't understand couples that keep separate finances. When you get married its "we" and not "me". It seems like keeping one foot out the door. Note: I've been married for 23 years with everything tracked in joint accounts the entire time but we do have a small "fun money" monthly budget item for each of us that is a black box.

I see joint accounts as snooping into each other's affairs. People should be able to have a large degree of independence. Maybe this study says otherwise. I still think that it is prudent to keep separate accounts, even if we are "unhappier".

I suppose the study could just as well be titled “couples that trust each other tend to be happier”.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#107

Post by ke88y »

bandyaboot wrote: post #103
ke88y wrote: post #93

Earlier quoted context omitted.

For most people it's because they live paycheck-to-paycheck, at least after things like 401(K) contributions. Of course if you are lucky enough to have $30K+ coming in per month and your necessary monthly bills are closer to $5K then budgeting and tracking spending out of the checking account is wildly unnecessary. But if you have say $5K-$6K coming in each month and $4K of that goes to necessary monthly bills then c…

Why would having separate accounts eliminate the need to communicate for larger purchases for couples in the latter situation. Sounds like that would lead to even bigger issues.

It doesn't in terms of agreement on purchases. But it makes the actual logistics of balancing the checkbook easier. You definitely know that you are or are not overdrawing.

(fwiw I use joint accounts, but I can see the benefit of separate accounts if both people are working or otherwise busy and there isn't time each night to balance the checkbook.)

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#108

Post by CincinnatiMan »

Scubabear68 wrote: post #20

I think this strongly depends on the couple. My wife and I have had separate checking accounts for 20 years, and a shared savings account, and a second shared checking account we use strictly for transferring money back and forth (we can’t use savings for that due to stupid banking rules). We also have split the hills according to our relative incomes. I make a lot more so I have the mortgage and a few big ticket ite…

> Do what works for you.

This study is saying couples randomly chosen to merge finances had better relationships, which doesn’t really align with your advice.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#109

Post by sidewndr46 »

majormajor wrote: post #38
jrm4 wrote: post #15

Seems obvious. Though, I think a lot of people here think the takeaway is "if you're in a relationship and you do separate now, you'll be happier if you put them together" and NO NO NO that's not it at all. It's "if y'all were already the type to put them together, you're probably happier than the types who didn't."

It sounds like they specifically attempted to avoid that reasoning by taking the decision away from the couples: "In a six-wave longitudinal experiment, we investigated whether randomly assigning engaged or newlywed couples to merge their money in a joint bank account increases relationship quality over time." I would like to see more of this by income level, though, which isn't mentioned in the abstract. If you don'…

oh god, I just realized this study is based off self reporting isn't it? In other words couples are happier when they perceive they have a joint checking account with no separate accounts.

Re: Couples with joint checking accounts are happier

#110

Post by sidewndr46 »

itsmemattchung wrote: post #28
dryanau wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

May I ask what specifically some of the issues have been? I know it's digging into a personal area so feel free to ignore this, but I'm curious what kind of issues can arise.

Issues can be categorized into three buckets: my challenges, her challenges, shared challenges. We're working through many of these with our couple's therapist but here's the gist: 1. When wife would spend beyond our defined budget, I would get angry (stemming from fear) and let that boil inside without ever communicating it verbally 2. When wife and I decided for her to quit her job to parent our first daughter full…

You do realize that setting a budget is by definition controlling behavior? You are controlling the expenditure of the household. I'm not suggesting you are wrong for that, but it is controlling behavior. So your wife observed controlling behavior and then equated it to something in her past.
Post reply on HN