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A record-high share of 40-year-olds in the U.S. have never been married

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Re: A record-high share of 40-year-olds in the U.S. have never been married

#101

Post by hotpotamus »

ch4s3 wrote: post #85
FollowingTheDao wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You see, your thought processes are part of the problem. > misleads youth in thinking they can make their own reality and that there are shortcuts to success for all. Many people, like myself, are not shooting for "success". We just want to live and hang out with our family and friends. That is success. And the economic structure makes that impossible because everyone else has the idea that success means having to fi…

This is just the old Chomsky false conscious argument which is as wrong now as ever. Nothing is stopping you from living frugally and valuing friends and family. The economic structure doesn’t prevent that, in fact it’s generally easier to live with parents if you get along well. Other people just want other things, and that’s OK too.

> it’s generally easier to live with parents if you get along well

Yeah, but American/human mating rituals being what they are, it's not like you'll be getting married and having kids in that situation.

Re: A record-high share of 40-year-olds in the U.S. have never been married

#102

Post by wonderwonder »

hospitalJail wrote: post #93
wonderwonder wrote: post #84

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sure there are plenty of public places, church [I'm not religious] etc. though ensured you had something in common. Imagine being the attractive girl at the gym trying to work out and every time you go, 4 dudes come up and hit on you, day after day after day. Or the married woman that doesn't wear a ring just trying to grocery shop for her family and cant get down isle without being hit on. Parties and bars sure, I g…

Doesnt matter if they are attractive or just trying to grocery shop. You can still talk to people. I was at a wedding a few weeks ago, specifically looking for donors or entrepreneurial minded people. When I found out that a dude worked at Amazon Warehouse, I didn't turn around and walk away, I wrapped up the conversation and--- Oh my gosh this guy has a super cool hobby with a ton of skill. I got his phone number be…

Its not the initiator I am talking about, its the person getting hit on. Imagine having to deal with that all the time. I liken it to telemarketers. I get 4 a day sometimes, eventually I just tell them to F off in my moment of weakness because I am trying to just have focus time. Eventually the person being hit on every day will hit a breaking point and be rude, then she is labeled a bitch by that person and every time she goes to the gym she feels awkward because the dude she snapped at glares at her. Sometimes people just want to be left alone 95% of the time people at the gym want to be left alone.

When I am out I have zero interest in talking to people. Nothing worse than being in the mall and a person walks up trying to sell me something. That's what people who hit on others in public are doing, trying to sell something, themselves in this case.

Re: A record-high share of 40-year-olds in the U.S. have never been married

#103

Post by drumhead »

lotsofpulp wrote: post #94
drumhead wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Men dont really care about the income of their partner, they're more interested in physical attributes. Maybe women have set much higher standards and the majority of men dont meet those standards. Maybe men just dont want to get married?

Source? I can envision a decent proportion of men, at least myself and a few I know, who would find it preferable to have a redundant source of income in the household. Even if a woman ends up becoming a non income earning partner temporarily or permanently, having one who is capable of earning more can be a desirable trait for multiple reasons.

Source? No man I know, friends, relatives, aquaintences has ever given the income of a woman as a reason for marrying them. The primary reason has been looks or personality. Some of them have got married because of family. Never once have I encounterd anyone giving their future partners earning potential as a reason. It might be common in the group of people you mix with but not for me.

Re: A record-high share of 40-year-olds in the U.S. have never been married

#104

Post by [deleted] »

tremon wrote: post #57
segmondy wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

marriage makes it possible for some that couldn't afford houses to be able to do so, by pooling resources together.

So, what you're saying is that people marry for economic reasons rather than romantic? And when the romantic partnership fails, should people stay together in the economic partnership because they can't afford to split up? That's effectively what we've been doing for the past few decades. And the result is as shown in TFA: a generation of adults who will avoid marriage like the plague, because they've seen how toxic…

[deleted]

Re: A record-high share of 40-year-olds in the U.S. have never been married

#106

Post by FooBarBizBazz »

rs999gti wrote: post #63
FooBarBizBazz wrote: post #9

In beehives, the drones -- correction, workers -- are sterile. This maximizes returns on capital at quarter and even decade timescales.

> In beehives, the drones are sterile. This maximizes returns on capital at quarter and even decade timescales. This doesn't make sense. Governments want children and immigrants because they need a tax base to stay in power. As for businesses, they want employees doing things that project stability, such as getting a mortgage (a lot of companies give off time to close one), getting married, and having children. Peopl…

What you're saying is true in some older industries, but doesn't match what I see in Tech, which prefers youth. And those (Tech) companies seem to be growing at the expense of everything else.

The various forms of collateral you mention (wives, children, mortgages -- the things the Mafia don would ask you about) have a carrying cost which companies would probably rather not pay. And with golden handcuffs (plus restrictive H1-B visas in some cases) the companies may have enough leverage without them.

> Governments want children and immigrants because they need a tax base to stay in power.

I don't think they plan that far ahead, because the electoral cycle is only four years long. It's like issues of national debt: You may have a momentary crisis, but you find some path of low resistance out of it (issue more debt), and keep going. That works because the rest of the world is happy (for some reason) to keep buying up the debt. Demographic issues can be papered over similarly, so long as the money -- the same money, ironically -- provides an incentive to come.

(It's also worth considering that, since Reagan/Thatcher (and arguably Carter, though in many ways he seemed like a good man), the State has lost power to the Corporation, so even if the State does pursue longer-term interests, it may not play a large enough role in day-to-day life to have an effect.)

If you're just following gradients, I think this is the basin you stay in. But it feels like some kind of behavioral sink.

Re: A record-high share of 40-year-olds in the U.S. have never been married

#107

Post by herval11 »

beebmam wrote: post #5

I've never met a person of the gender I'm attracted to that would reciprocate the selflessness and empathy that I joyously offer potential partners. I would rather keep my self-respect than settle for someone who won't meet me on my level.

[dead]

Re: A record-high share of 40-year-olds in the U.S. have never been married

#108

Post by cultofmetatron »

xethos wrote: post #96
segmondy wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

less education? the US has never been more educated.

Yeah, the gender that values education in a mate has never before, on average, attained higher levels of education. But women value education in men, and men have fallen behind.

> and men have fallen behind

men have been pushed down by a culture that devalues masculine traits. k-8 is dominated by female teachers who don't know how to deal with male students and exhibit strong favoritism towards female students. Additionally, higher ed strongly favors reserving educational opportunities for female students. The end result is that boys that don't come from families that strongly push for education for them get left behind as the state would rather they be out of the picture entirely.

men haven't fallen behind, Boys are being tripped and corralled into a rigged game and they are dropping out of the system

Re: A record-high share of 40-year-olds in the U.S. have never been married

#109

Post by hotpotamus »

irrational wrote: post #48
doctorwho42 wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes there is ... It's pretty obvious to the younger generations, we are living in an age with the largest wealth inequality in the history of humanity. Tie in the fact that the average salary can't support the 'traditional' lifestyle, and the desire for 'traditional' dating expectations. And now you have men checking out for one of many reasons, for example: not making enough with the right type of career. And person…

In the history of humanity? That reads to me like you are not very familiar with history. We are probably living in the period of the least wealth inequality in all of human history. The typical “poor” person living in the USA lives in the lap of luxury (in terms of clothing, food, shelter, etc) compared to a serf in medieval Europe, a peasant under the Assyrians, etc. I mean, how many poor people have running water,…

You know, I see this sort of inequality apologism in every one of these threads, but people sure seem pissed off at the system for some reason or other.

Re: A record-high share of 40-year-olds in the U.S. have never been married

#110

Post by hotpotamus »

crawfordcomeaux wrote: post #22

I have a plan to bring these numbers down AND horrify the people who think this is terrible: Mass group marriages!

I mean, if it comes with a tax break, I'm down to try it. It would also be an amusing conversation with my parents, so I consider that a bonus too.
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