What to do when you’ve ruined your life • Hacker News Board

Re: What to do when you’ve ruined your life

#101

Post by em-bee » Sat, Jan 21, 2023, 6:52 PM UTC

csmpltn wrote: post #72

Have a fantastic loving partner, an incredible house we worked so much on, an amazing job with fantastic people I enjoy being around every day. I've decided to part ways with my partner now and move out, be on my own again at 30. I could've started a family now, but chose not to. I don't know if that opportunity will ever come again. I've tried hard, but I just couldn't shake off the feeling of living a life accordin…

only if the response to feeling stuck in someone elses template is doing something random hasty, that you haven't thought through.

before doing anything you should figure out what you want from your life. set goals, check if they are realistic and then take steps to explore.

for example, instead of just moving out, i would have tried travelling. go to another city for a week or a month. try it on for size. take small steps to turn the life that you have into the life that you want.

i was kind of in a similar situation, where i felt stuck in a life without perspective, and decided to move my whole family to another continent, giving up friends and a regular routine for a life of uncertainty and chaos (that wants to be tamed). i don't regret the move, as i have no desire to go back, but i wish i would have been able try first before making a commitment.

Re: What to do when you’ve ruined your life

#102

Post by sillysaurusx » Sat, Jan 21, 2023, 6:54 PM UTC

jvanderbot wrote: post #86

sillysaurusx wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> The one piece of advice that has helped me is the thinking that "I'm not the first one to ever go through this, and I won't be the last." No matter if you're fucked in the head, going bankrupt, getting divorced - whatever - you aren't alone and you can either find a solution or find acceptance. That's good advice, but unfortunately it also applies to situations like "being put to death." Maybe my response seems fli…

> That's good advice, but unfortunately it also applies to situations like "being put to death." This may come as a surprise, but we should be able to face death calmly as well, knowing full well it affects everyone in due time. It is more reliable than any other situation such as divorce, psychotic breakdown, sickness, loss of loved one.... I can't imagine being calm facing death, but I don't see is as a contradicti…

Unfortunately, if one allows oneself to believe that too much, it's mental permission to commit suicide. After all, committing suicide is just as much a valid task as anything else, like writing a book or making a chair. It's an extremely hard one, too. But since others have and will go through it, as you say, it becomes that much easier. Especially when you're resolved to face it calmly and equanimously.

Re: What to do when you’ve ruined your life

#103

Post by edgyquant » Sat, Jan 21, 2023, 7:00 PM UTC

vba616 wrote: post #62

RubyRidgeRandy wrote: post #18

When I was 23, I misdosed myself and took 110mg of 4-AcO-DMT. The experience was EXTREMELY traumatic and I believed I was dying. At one point I was so overstimulated I just lay on my kitchen floor convulsing uncontrollably. The next few days I didn't know what to do. My body would just shake, I couldn't sleep and I stayed up until I passed out for an hour, and then my shaking would wake up myself up again. I was over…

A long time ago, I read an account online of someone who was looking for a new recreational drug experience and they got some risperidone, which is a popular antipsychotic. ( https://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=20529 ) They took a much larger dose than the normally prescribed amount, and it resulted in a vividly recounted seemingly interminable and utterly hellish experience. I found it interesting and kind…

I’m bipolar II and thus “need” medicine. All medicines are a trade off: do the benefits outweighs the side effects. As someone who’s allergic to basically all chemicals they use for these (ADHD, anti depression and anti-psychotic) I would say that I sympathize with individuals who just don’t want to take them because they make you feel like “not you.”

I’ve also went years without them, instead using meditation and therapy to try and prevent any of my low moods or deal with them as they appear. It was during this time I went from depressed working construction (despite being more than qualified for a junior position) to running a YC-backed startup as my first programming job.

I am convinced that “religion” is the cure for most of these illnesses. Learning to be mindful and how to cope combined with open discussion about them goes a long way. But alas there is now an industrial complex around medication being the solution for this stuff.

Re: What to do when you’ve ruined your life

#104

Post by kyleee » Sat, Jan 21, 2023, 7:02 PM UTC

csmpltn wrote: post #72

Have a fantastic loving partner, an incredible house we worked so much on, an amazing job with fantastic people I enjoy being around every day. I've decided to part ways with my partner now and move out, be on my own again at 30. I could've started a family now, but chose not to. I don't know if that opportunity will ever come again. I've tried hard, but I just couldn't shake off the feeling of living a life accordin…

It’s really hard to know. Maybe, maybe not. Or maybe yes in some ways, but not in others? I always worry about being susceptible to the “grass is greener” type thinking. In any case good luck to you

Re: What to do when you’ve ruined your life

#105

Post by jsz0 » Sat, Jan 21, 2023, 7:02 PM UTC

SpeedilyDamage wrote: post #95

jsz0 wrote: post #87

I kind of ruined up my career some by taking an extended break to pursue other interests like depression and sleeping 12+ hours per day. What I didn't really factor into my choice was employers are scared of people who have the financial independence to take breaks like this because they cannot be relied on to be loyal wage slaves. I haven't found a great way to overcome this yet because I totally get their concerns.…

How much time did you spend pursuing those new “hobbies”? I would imagine saying you took some time off for your mental health would be totally fine, I’d have no problems saying that or hiring someone who said that.

3 years which is unfortunately on the cusp of legitimately being out of the loop on current trends. I can't blame any employer for not wanting to take that risk when there are plenty of other candidates to choose from. It definitely effects my confidence in applying for jobs because I know my little hobby projects I've continued to work on are not the same thing as stepping right back into a production environment. I think all I can really do is be honest and hope to find a sympathetic employer willing to toss me a rope. Alternatively I'll have to step back to a more jr role for a while to get my chops back up.

Re: What to do when you’ve ruined your life

#106

Post by jvanderbot » Sat, Jan 21, 2023, 7:02 PM UTC

sillysaurusx wrote: post #102

jvanderbot wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> That's good advice, but unfortunately it also applies to situations like "being put to death." This may come as a surprise, but we should be able to face death calmly as well, knowing full well it affects everyone in due time. It is more reliable than any other situation such as divorce, psychotic breakdown, sickness, loss of loved one.... I can't imagine being calm facing death, but I don't see is as a contradicti…

Unfortunately, if one allows oneself to believe that too much, it's mental permission to commit suicide. After all, committing suicide is just as much a valid task as anything else, like writing a book or making a chair. It's an extremely hard one, too. But since others have and will go through it, as you say, it becomes that much easier. Especially when you're resolved to face it calmly and equanimously.

I disagree 100%.

Nobody would say that someone who is weathering the death of a loved one would have in fact been OK killing that person, or even secretly wished for their death.

It's no different with self. You can want to live, and still accept the finitude of life.

It's supposed to make life sweeter when you accept completely that it may end at any moment.

Re: What to do when you’ve ruined your life

#107

Post by soulofmischief » Sat, Jan 21, 2023, 7:05 PM UTC

capableweb wrote: post #94

omginternets wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How did you end up overdosing like that? What's the story, there? Also, how disruptive is the visual snow on a day-to-day basis? And does it attenuate a bit over time?

> How did you end up overdosing like that? What's the story, there? As someone who have over/under-dosed a couple of times when I was younger: dealer says they give you 100mg, so in order to take 25mg without having a scale, you divide it into two piles and then those two piles, take one of them. Problem occurs when dealer fucked up somehow and actually gave you 200mg, so now you end up taking 50mg, double the intend…

You should never consume a powerful mind-altering psychedelic without exactly knowing the dose you are taking.

You should never take a large dose without first studying the effects that lower doses have on your mind and body.

The only way this happens is through carelessness and ignorance. Don't blame the guy above you for fucking up when you're fucking up equally bad by not measuring yourself and following established protocol.

> Other ways of fucking up is believing you got 2CB when actually you got 2CP

You should not purchase from sources you don't trust, and with a new dealer / batch you should always test the substance using a full kit, then take a small amount and wait, prior to consuming your intended dose.

This is all drug safety 101. You can explore your mind but you must first care about your body. If someone thinks, "but I don't have time, I want to get high now, then they should not be taking drugs, as they lack the proper maturity to do it safely.

> it is possible to fuck up

Only through carelessness and ignorance. The lack of drug safety in the scene today is absolutely appalling, given the availability of drug testing kits, crowdsourced information hubs, and cheap milligram scales.

Re: What to do when you’ve ruined your life

#108

Post by RubyRidgeRandy » Sat, Jan 21, 2023, 7:10 PM UTC

omginternets wrote: post #37

RubyRidgeRandy wrote: post #18

When I was 23, I misdosed myself and took 110mg of 4-AcO-DMT. The experience was EXTREMELY traumatic and I believed I was dying. At one point I was so overstimulated I just lay on my kitchen floor convulsing uncontrollably. The next few days I didn't know what to do. My body would just shake, I couldn't sleep and I stayed up until I passed out for an hour, and then my shaking would wake up myself up again. I was over…

How did you end up overdosing like that? What's the story, there? Also, how disruptive is the visual snow on a day-to-day basis? And does it attenuate a bit over time?

I’m 29 now and I can’t remember my thought process at the time just that I remember realizing what I measured out wasn’t correct but I also realized this while under the effects of the drug.

The snow is not constant and usually intensifies if I’m under stress. But it’s not very noticeable, it’s like film grain is how I would describe it. It’s gotten less and less over the years but it’s still there. Doesn’t bother me though

Re: What to do when you’ve ruined your life

#109

Post by pawelduda » Sat, Jan 21, 2023, 7:25 PM UTC

SpeedilyDamage wrote: post #98

rpmisms wrote: post #70

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's suicide. If the only options before you are worse than death, then it becomes more appealing. I think I'd take death over a life sentence.

I would personally choose living in every scenario I can think of. Even agonizing pain is still better then the nothingness that’s waiting forever.

Why do you think it's better I wonder? You don't experience the nothingness since you cease to exist (assuming you meant no afterlife which the nothingness implied), so you aren't able to compare it to anything and say ”man I'd rather have antagonizing pain".

Re: What to do when you’ve ruined your life

#110

Post by MonsieurMoony » Sat, Jan 21, 2023, 7:25 PM UTC

sillysaurusx wrote: post #102

jvanderbot wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> That's good advice, but unfortunately it also applies to situations like "being put to death." This may come as a surprise, but we should be able to face death calmly as well, knowing full well it affects everyone in due time. It is more reliable than any other situation such as divorce, psychotic breakdown, sickness, loss of loved one.... I can't imagine being calm facing death, but I don't see is as a contradicti…

Unfortunately, if one allows oneself to believe that too much, it's mental permission to commit suicide. After all, committing suicide is just as much a valid task as anything else, like writing a book or making a chair. It's an extremely hard one, too. But since others have and will go through it, as you say, it becomes that much easier. Especially when you're resolved to face it calmly and equanimously.

That's quite an interpretation.

I suppose "memento mori" can be argued in the worst sense as leading to nihilism. However, it'd be impossible to say anything of substance if we were constantly trying to avoid any worst-case interpretations. Most reasonable people can surely understand there's a difference between the colloquial usage of death versus suicide.