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I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

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Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#101

Post by hans1729 »

alkonaut wrote: post #93

Isn't life merely thinking you'll accomplish something big in the future when you are young (from by a bias that shows people accomplishing grand things more than others), and then basiclaly being too busy just living for a couple of decades, and finally accepting that merely living is accomplishment enough? This panic over accomplishment must be a cultural phenomenon. I can't relate. Is there a wide group of people…

>This panic over accomplishment must be a cultural phenomenon.

Economic pressure. Look at the housing market and the dystopian reality of our political processes, social divide, etc. -- TONS of people feel like they need to become free by means of economic accomplishments. This is even more so the case in countries without universal healthcare etc.

It's coming down to Maslow. If you work in tech, chances are you're smart enough to have and smell opportunities. People who don't have that opportunity because they are occupied with family or day-to-day-jobs can be content with less, just because there is no material dream to pursuit, or because they have other intrinsic goals (art, social connections [...]). The rat race we're forced into drives people mad, and we can't really blame the people. It takes a lot of mental progress to dig yourself out of that. Highly (!) intelligent people, think the top 1% of the chart, may be otherwise occupied, for example by the drive to contribute to scientific progress, but the top ~10-2% (I'm just throwing numbers here) feel trapped in material pressure and forced to "make it", where "it" isn't an actual target other than economic freedom.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#102

Post by ClumsyPilot »

coldtea wrote: post #65
pmoriarty wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"I'm responsible for me - my success, my failures... Fulfilment comes from within, not externally." What's external and what's internal? Where do your desires come from? Your hopes? Some people think they are the masters of their mind, that what they feel come from them, but what about the influence of their parents, their friends, the movies they watch, the books they read, advertising, music, social media? We swim…

> What's external and what's internal? Where do your desires come from? Your hopes? Some people think they are the masters of their mind, that what they feel come from them, but what about the influence of their parents, their friends, the movies they watch, the books they read, advertising, music, social media? How about thinking about it with common sense, as opposed to trying to find some perfect rational answer t…

'How about thinking about it with common sense'

Common sence is a mythl

Thoughts think themselves, you are an empty vessel and they arrive in your mind by magic, and you have no real idea where they come from. All you do is react to them in one way or the other

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#103

Post by mrjangles »

asplake wrote: post #9

Personally, I’ve done some of my best work in my 40’s and 50’s. And so different to anything I was capable of doing in my 20’s and 30’s. The funniest thing is that I chose not only my university degree but also my optional modules based on a career choice that I moved on from well before I was 30. I don’t generally do regrets, but older me would tell younger me to relax a bit. There’s plenty of time and lots of thing…

Yeah but if older you had actually told younger you to relax a bit, would you be where you are now talking about how things are going well, or would you be like OP in the linked article? Sure it is true that opportunities usually never come from the places you are searching, but they don't come at all if you aren't searching.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#104

Post by coldtea »

ClumsyPilot wrote: post #102
coldtea wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> What's external and what's internal? Where do your desires come from? Your hopes? Some people think they are the masters of their mind, that what they feel come from them, but what about the influence of their parents, their friends, the movies they watch, the books they read, advertising, music, social media? How about thinking about it with common sense, as opposed to trying to find some perfect rational answer t…

'How about thinking about it with common sense' Common sence is a mythl Thoughts think themselves, you are an empty vessel and they arrive in your mind by magic, and you have no real idea where they come from. All you do is react to them in one way or the other

Yes, the above approach is exactly what I advocate we should avoid.

"you are an empty vessel and they arrive in your mind by magic"

Whatever: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Analysis_paralysis

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#105

Post by Volrath89 »

5350-uiop-1130 wrote: post #50

my idea of success, in order: 1. financial independence (enough passive income not to work if i prefer) 2. own my own home (large enough to grow a family) 3. have a family In my mid 30s, pretty much given up on 3 and 2, as 3 depends on 2. So I am just left with 1 to aim for.

I don't know where do you live but it's definitely not necessary to own a home for having a family. Assuming you are a male, just having a stable job and actually wanting to have a family gives you a great chance of success with many, many women.

Also mid 30s is so young, you still have at least a decade to find a significant other and build a family if that's what you want.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#106

Post by mjg59 »

Growing up, the idea of a career in computing was implausible. The only computing course my school offered was scheduled against doing a full science course, and they had nothing for the 16-18 range. The local night school programming class I signed up for was cancelled because I was the only person who signed up for it. My parents made it extremely clear that the idea that I could ever make money writing software was unrealistic, which meant I was 27 with a PhD in genetics before I jumped ship into software full time.

And maybe because of that, I'm pretty ok with things? Every day I'm aware that I could do more. I know people who could take over my job right now who are 15 years younger than me. And that's ok, because I have achieved so much more than ever seemed possible to me as a teenager, and every time I stare out the window and realise I'm in San Francisco and part of the industry that was so far away when I was growing up I have to take a moment to come to terms with the fact that this is actually reality.

I know this article is satire, but I also know that many people hold themselves against standards that are not realistic. Almost none of us have achieved everything that we could be, and that's just fine. If you're spending a lot of time troubled by the fact that you feel like you're falling short of your potential then this is a great time to find a therapist who can help you work through that. It's ok to want more than you have, but if you're objectively in a basically good place then you really shouldn't be constantly aware of that in a negative way. I'm at peace with the fact that I'm never going to found the next unicorn company or be CEO of Google or even write some software that a lot of people care about. Let's be kind to each other and ourselves about what we've achieved, rather than holding ourselves to a model of what we could theoretically be if literally everything had gone our way.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#107

Post by pizzaknife »

rang a classic age milestone bell this year (within last 12mo) and the internal dialogue has given much cpu cycles to "personal fulfillment" and what that means. The author of the article spends the majority of their time comparing themselves to others(a very narrow band of humanity at that) and as such derives guilt shame and regret. Ive found that comparing oneself to another is a core behavior of fostering personal discontent. Its a behavior weve trained for since we began being social beings so its a very hard thing to conciously negotiate. I try my best to be reasonable about when and how i need to "compete" and when i do not. Getting over my ego (work in progress) has lead me to discover very much of my waking awareness does not need to approached as competition (either directly or as a general underpinning). this realize, each and everytime, is freeing and, as the bumpersticker admonishes: bark less and wag more. Note - spelling and grammar in loose internet bb post sqaurely does not meet "competitive" litmus (my performance certainly wouldnt win any medals had it qualified anyway)

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#108

Post by codr7 »

arethuza wrote: post #90
pmoriarty wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"I'm responsible for me - my success, my failures... Fulfilment comes from within, not externally." What's external and what's internal? Where do your desires come from? Your hopes? Some people think they are the masters of their mind, that what they feel come from them, but what about the influence of their parents, their friends, the movies they watch, the books they read, advertising, music, social media? We swim…

I'm in my 50s and I like to think I've had a reasonable career so far. However, by far the most fulfilling thing I've done for a long long time is helping out in a foodbank in a nearby town. So my biggest regret at the moment is actually realising that, at least for me, helping other people actually can be rather more fulfilling than achieving purely personal goals - I wish I'd realised this sooner.

I suspect the urge to feel needed, to be appreciated and the satisfaction from really helping other people is pretty much universal.

But it's discouraged at every turn from the top; and replaced with shiny things, power and competition.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#109

Post by andybp85 »

tomalpha wrote: post #59
pmoriarty wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"I'm responsible for me - my success, my failures... Fulfilment comes from within, not externally." What's external and what's internal? Where do your desires come from? Your hopes? Some people think they are the masters of their mind, that what they feel come from them, but what about the influence of their parents, their friends, the movies they watch, the books they read, advertising, music, social media? We swim…

"Get a win, then get another win." Not OP but I interpret “win” in this context to mean something more like “success” and not strictly about winning or beating someone else. It’s certainly a turn of phrase that I’ve heard used in that context a fair amount.

My thoughts exactly. I just told people I had a major win this week by getting a buddy of mine who started as an intern at my last job a full-time software engineer position at my current company (big pay jump & next step in his career + he's extremely talented and will be a huge asset for us). If our friend here takes the same approach with their kids, one I think can infer they're including cases like this.
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