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What If You Could Do It All Over?

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101–110 of 460 posts

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#101

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I tell any young adult who will listen the mistakes I made. It's nice when they stop by with stories and whiskey the days before Christmas and see them come up strong, happy, and on a solid path towards success. It's only through the stories of our mistakes that we can escape the clutches of time.

I agree, partially, I'm adamant about the fact that it's even more important to talk about successes, than failures. "Vicarious learning from the experiences of others saves making errors yourself, but I regard the study of successes as being basically more important than the studyof failures. As I will several times say, there are so many ways of being wrong and so few of being right, studying successes is more effi…

I've gotten a lot more out of studying failures. Especially other people's failures. People who are honest with themselves can warn you around the mistakes they made, but people who succeed rarely have much luck identifying which selection of choices got them there.

I think the reason is that success is usually cumulative: each little win builds on the last until it's obvious you're going in the right direction. Those wins often depend on random or temporary things you have little control over. For example: CED was the perfect format for the decade RCA started developing it in, but it took until VHS redefined the market to finish it.[0]

Meanwhile one mistake can send everything tumbling down. Study enough mistakes and you might know enough of what to avoid to stay afloat long enough to find the right chain of wins.

[0] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnpX8d8zRIA

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#102
post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> You can make changes today that will pay dividends in 10 years, so maybe focus on that instead. Exactly this. No matter what your imagined and real futures turn out to be, the good ones all require effort and investment in the present. You can’t go wrong with making investments in your life now.

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. - Chinese Proverb

Technically I think the second best time would be 20 years ago less one Planck time. Which is to say, now would be the 11,700,454,120,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000th best time. :)

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#103

It’s worth thinking about how we measure how “good” a life is and if that is superficial and too much influenced by fashion. For example the cliche is go travelling or get rich starting a business. “I raised kids” doesn’t have the same boastworthyness in a lot of circles, but arguably it’s more interesting. Or maybe not. What’s the life well lived metric?

I recently became acquainted with the teachings of Epicurus. He advocated living a simple life of simple pleasures surrounded by friends. It's almost a truism that seeking fame and fortune is a route to unhappiness. Not necessarily because these are bad things, but because the desires that drive these choices seem to be insatiable.

For me, (very) modest fortune and essentially zero fame seems to be the ideal situation. Like a paid off house, a nest egg that throws off $10K/month, and only family/friends know who I am.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#104
post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The nice thing about a culture that exalts “I raised kids and they turned out well” as a “life well lived metric” is that its broadly accessible. You can be born below average in intelligence and creativity and still be a good dad or mom, participate in local civic organizations, etc.

What if your kids reject you and want nothing to do with you?

Then you still love them anyway.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#105
post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Don't get a job based on how impressive it sounds when you tell people about it at parties. You will spend far more time doing the job than you will talking about it at parties.

Also, there will always be higher status people around you. If you're a successful doctor, and move around in fancy doctor circles, you will know more accomplished doctors, directors of famous hospitals or whatever. You can always be bitter from envy if you're blinded by the status game. The struggle never ends, there's no "arriving". Software dev salaries (in the US) let you live way beyond material needs and allows…

Not all software engineers make this much, just in select areas FYI.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#106
post #84

Much of my life hasn't played out how I expected. I had dreams like many people in high school and none of them came true. Instead of finishing college I joined the military after the stock market collapse in 2008/9. Impressions were left on me throughout my early life that I only came to know as an adult. My family got sick, I ruined the relationship that I'd worked for, and at times I alienated people close to me o…

I've had a very strangely similar path, however I still haven't given up on my teenage dreams: call me delusional! I like to think the military gave me the will strength to push until I get some (imperfect) version of what I want, and not let setbacks paint my forward outlook too much.

I'd agree with your conclusion and encourage you to sell everything and go have fun.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#108
post #23

You can't, so don't bother thinking about it. You can make changes today that will pay dividends in 10 years, so maybe focus on that instead. I was widowed pretty young (as widowers go), so I have done my share of playing the what-if game with the past. Ultimately it is not a productive exercise, and I try not to do it. If I catch myself dwelling in unlived lives, I try to refocus on the one still in front of me.

Agreed.

I did give a considerable amount of time to thinking about the what-if scenarios one day and when I looked down those other paths of what might have been I realized I would have to give up something I had come to love to pursue those.

Who I am may not be the best but I made these choices. I can't travel to past to berate that version of me. If I'm dissatisfied it's up to me to change that for future me.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#109
post #102

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. - Chinese Proverb

Technically I think the second best time would be 20 years ago less one Planck time. Which is to say, now would be the 11,700,454,120,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000th best time. :)

This is why nerds don’t get invited to parties. :)

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#110
post #105

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Also, there will always be higher status people around you. If you're a successful doctor, and move around in fancy doctor circles, you will know more accomplished doctors, directors of famous hospitals or whatever. You can always be bitter from envy if you're blinded by the status game. The struggle never ends, there's no "arriving". Software dev salaries (in the US) let you live way beyond material needs and allows…

Not all software engineers make this much, just in select areas FYI.

Sure, but it's enough for "quite good" food, living space and entertainment.

We're arguing about status here, so when you're satisfied with the money but not with the status.

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