The demographic and cultural roots of the midlife crisis • Hacker News Board

Re: The demographic and cultural roots of the midlife crisis

#101

Post by trianglem » Fri, Dec 18, 2020, 8:13 AM UTC

renjimen wrote: post #94

trianglem wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The problem with conversations is they sometimes end up turning into exactly what I was defining in my original comment above, a long drawn out attack on the child’s self worth. Just because something is quicker and feels cruder doesn’t automatically mean it’s lazy.

Well, true. Emotional abuse is still abuse. I wouldn't say it's a justification for reverting to physical abuse instead, rather educating yourself as a parent on how raise your child in a supporting manner that guides rather than punishes.

Just like you’re drawing a distinction between a helpful conversation and emotional abuse, I’m drawing a distinction between quick physical punishment and physical abuse. It just feels like the outright excommunication of physical confrontation hurts parts of society and leaves people seething for years over something that could have been resolved over a few bruises.

Re: The demographic and cultural roots of the midlife crisis

#102

Post by loco5niner » Fri, Dec 18, 2020, 5:30 PM UTC

ericmcer wrote: post #34

I recently read a story about two people on their death beds, both had worked hard and achieved success in their fields. One was happily reflective and talked about what a journey life had been, the other was upset and remorseful, talking about how much time he had wasted. I wonder if the contents of your life are secondary to your semi-hardwired emotional state. I am naturally somewhat anxious and hate wasting a day…

> I am naturally somewhat anxious and hate wasting a day; conversely, I have friends who seem totally content after 9 months of unemployment and video games.

I was that unemployment and video games friend... I was satisfied at the time. Now I'm married and 'more' mature and look back at all the opportunities I had and wasted.

Re: The demographic and cultural roots of the midlife crisis

#103

Post by closeparen » Fri, Dec 18, 2020, 9:51 PM UTC

trianglem wrote: post #101

renjimen wrote: post #94

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well, true. Emotional abuse is still abuse. I wouldn't say it's a justification for reverting to physical abuse instead, rather educating yourself as a parent on how raise your child in a supporting manner that guides rather than punishes.

Just like you’re drawing a distinction between a helpful conversation and emotional abuse, I’m drawing a distinction between quick physical punishment and physical abuse. It just feels like the outright excommunication of physical confrontation hurts parts of society and leaves people seething for years over something that could have been resolved over a few bruises.

Physical abuse is a high bar. You pretty much need an injury, or for the parent to lose control (e.g. drunkenness / anger management). To say any level of intensity in a spanking is too high, already puts you closer to the abolitionist position than to the US status quo.

Re: The demographic and cultural roots of the midlife crisis

#104

Post by renjimen » Sat, Dec 19, 2020, 3:24 AM UTC

closeparen wrote: post #103

trianglem wrote: post #101

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just like you’re drawing a distinction between a helpful conversation and emotional abuse, I’m drawing a distinction between quick physical punishment and physical abuse. It just feels like the outright excommunication of physical confrontation hurts parts of society and leaves people seething for years over something that could have been resolved over a few bruises.

Physical abuse is a high bar. You pretty much need an injury, or for the parent to lose control (e.g. drunkenness / anger management). To say any level of intensity in a spanking is too high, already puts you closer to the abolitionist position than to the US status quo.

Spanking is just low level physical abuse. There's plenty of evidence and it's widely accepted among healthcare professionals and governments (the US included) that corporal punishment of any level (spanking included) causes development problems.

Corporal punishment of children was outlawed in the US in 1969. That is two generations ago.

Here's an fairly solid statement that should suffice:

"By 2000, research was proliferating, and the convention had been ratified by 191 of the world’s 196 countries, 11 of which had prohibited all physical punishment. Today, research showing the risks associated with physical punishment is robust, the convention has been integrated into the legal and policy frameworks of many nations, and 31 countries have enacted prohibitions against the physical punishment of children.1 These three forces — research, the convention and law reform — have altered the landscape of physical punishment.

The growing weight of evidence and the recognition of children’s rights have brought us to a historical point. Physicians familiar with the research can now confidently encourage parents to adopt constructive approaches to discipline and can comfortably use their unique influence to guide other aspects of children’s healthy development. In doing so, physicians strengthen child well-being and parent–child relationships at the population level. Here, we present an analysis of the research on physical punishment spanning the past two decades to assist physicians in this important role."

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3447048/