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Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

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Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#101

Post by neap24 »

fizx wrote: post #66
coryfklein wrote: post #15

For a long time I've been wanting a "Tinder For Platonic Adults" app. I'm not looking for romance or sex, but I want to find nearby matches with similar interests; do you drink, play board games, are you married, how many kids and what age? There are likely tens of matches for me within a 5 minute drive, I just don't know how to find them . I'm a friendly guy and would love to have that friend that feels comfortable…

If you have hobbies, look for a meetup around them. If you have pretty generic interests (wine, board games, and cheesecake), perhaps the best thing you can do is join a unitarian universalist church near you. It's all of the social benefits of church without the need to (pretend to) believe in anything specific. Failing that, you can probably find another reasonable-ish religious community. There's a huge spectrum,…

I mostly agree. Although, it is often the "unreasonable, specific beliefs" that bind a social group together despite their differences. If that core belief or two is strong enough, you will force yourself to interact with people you wouldn't ordinarily hang out with. I have found this aspect of social clubs to be the most beneficial to me (and others). It also seems that belonging a religious community with moderately strict beliefs is the most efficient way to get this.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#103

Post by mLuby »

gf263 wrote: post #20
coryfklein wrote: post #15

For a long time I've been wanting a "Tinder For Platonic Adults" app. I'm not looking for romance or sex, but I want to find nearby matches with similar interests; do you drink, play board games, are you married, how many kids and what age? There are likely tens of matches for me within a 5 minute drive, I just don't know how to find them . I'm a friendly guy and would love to have that friend that feels comfortable…

Try Bumble's BFF feature

Anecdotal evidence suggests not all Bumble BFF seekers actually have platonic intentions, kind of defeating the point of the feature.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#104

Post by saudioger »

untog wrote: post #29
gf263 wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Try Bumble's BFF feature

IMO it would ideally be separate from any dating app. Not just because of profile overlap, but also because as a married man I really don't want Bumble to be on the home screen of my phone. No matter how innocent my use of it, I wouldn't want anyone to see it on my phone and get a bad impression of me as a result.

Bury it in a folder, talk to your spouse about what you're doing with it ahead of time. Don't use it around other people if you're worried about someone you know being a dick about it.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#105

Post by wenc »

gwbas1c wrote: post #61

Honestly, I've never had problems talking to random strangers. Some of my best friends were random strangers at first. IMO, the problem has nothing to do with the internet. Instead, the problem has more to do with poorly controlling marketing and homelessness. Political correctness also takes a toll. When I lived in the Bay Area, most of the time I was randomly approached, "on the street," it was from a homeless pers…

> Honestly, I've never had problems talking to random strangers.

Did you grow up in a culture that prized that ability? I've noticed that in the U.S. south, being able to make conversation was a point of pride. ("friendliness")

But not so much on the east coast. East coasters tend to be more clammed up and introverted.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#106

Post by loblollyboy »

kudokatz wrote: post #37
coryfklein wrote: post #15

For a long time I've been wanting a "Tinder For Platonic Adults" app. I'm not looking for romance or sex, but I want to find nearby matches with similar interests; do you drink, play board games, are you married, how many kids and what age? There are likely tens of matches for me within a 5 minute drive, I just don't know how to find them . I'm a friendly guy and would love to have that friend that feels comfortable…

> There are likely tens of matches for me within a 5 minute drive, I just don't know how to find them. I have found meetup.com to be exactly this. Not everybody at a meetup will click personally, but they're much more likely to share interests. One meetup group has completely changed my life, and I have met people I consider some of the best people I have ever encountered anywhere. And they all live right near me.

I think almost every lonely person considers this, but when you are lonely you might also be depressed and that makes it hard t go meet other ppl because of one or some combo of the following: 1. you feel like nobody would want to associate with your miserable ass 2. you are low on energy from feeling sad and 3. you actually are not interested in anything.

Thats what I went through and probably would be going through right now if it weren't for weddings/ bps I 'had' to go to and moving back home. We don't spend enough time together anymore b/c of the retarded 9-5 system we have and it just being easier to sit around and binge on content

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#107

Post by godelski »

Rotdhizon wrote: post #9

I think a huge factor is the growing theme of social interaction being unacceptable. Back in the day you could walk up to and make friends with almost anyone, it wasn't weird to interact with strangers, thus making new acquaintances. Modern society stigmatizes that kind of interaction, don't talk to people you don't know if you don't want to be ostracized. You could want to befriend someone in a crowd, but come up wi…

I don't think it is any harder to meet random people today than it used to be. But then again I'm under 30 and so don't know what it "really" used to be like.

But I deleted my Facebook (really only social media I had) and I haven't had a hard time meeting new people. Really I'm doing a better job. I think this is more because I'm not using Facebook as a crutch. I used to just say "Oh I'll add you on Facebook" (which ironically is way more invasive than a phone number) and then never message them. We'd both like each other's posts and whatnot but it felt really disingenuous.

But since I haven't had that crutch it actually makes me work and focus on building real relationships. This even includes plutonic relationships with the opposite sex.

I'm not saying go out and delete your Facebook and other social media (at least for this reason), but that a lot of us just rely on it as a crutch and real relationships require work. I just think social media makes it easier to be a hermit and kind of tricks you into thinking you are building relationships when you aren't. I often here "I'd delete my Facebook but there are so many people that's the only way I can keep in contact with them." Liking somebody's status and photos isn't keeping in touch nor is it relationship building. But I think most people think treat those actions as if they were.

And I feel like now because of this people think it is weird to talk to someone they haven't talked to in even a few weeks. Hell, I'm okay if I haven't talked to someone in a few years. Life is busy. Life is strange. It is okay to not have to keep in constant and instant contact with people. And I think we forget this because we have technology that no longer makes this the norm. Because in the past instant and constant contact with someone meant you lived with them or extremely near them.

tldr: Relationships take work

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#108

Post by nickjj »

Simulacra wrote: post #4

I'm curious if this is a direct result of the internet and smartphones. The two make us feel more connected, more global, but I think it makes us more isolated. I miss talking to my friends on the phone, and hanging out in the 90s. Everything, especially how humans interact, is so digital today.

I'm one of those few people who don't have a smartphone (by choice) so I observe this behavior a lot because I'm often looking forward instead of down at a phone.

But, check this out...

Everyone misses that. All you have to do is initiate the conversation.

A few days ago I had a 30 minute discussion with a random dude on Swedish death metal bands because he happened to be playing a song from a band I know while I walked past his house. I've been walking for 5 years and this hasn't happened once, so I had stop and say something.

Every time I take the 90min train ride into the city I usually end up talking to someone for most of the way. I'm not a good conversationalist either or some super extroverted person. I'm just bored sitting on the train, and other people are too (even if they are flipping through their twitter feed).

It's prime pickings to start conversations because everyone is so deprived of it.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#109

Post by watwut »

evanagon wrote: post #2

"Decades of research substantiate the devastating effects of social isolation. Loneliness is equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day and increases the risk of death by 26-45%, which is on par with risk factors such as high blood pressure, obesity, and lack of exercise."

Social isolation and loneliness is not the same. When you work with people you don't like much, you are lonely but not isolated.

Re: Nearly Half of Americans Are Lonely

#110

Post by [deleted] »

dmortin wrote: post #71
overcast wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I use dating apps regularly when traveling for exactly that. You'd be surprised how willing people are to meetup without the pressure of dating/sex being involved. Fly into a city for work, meetup for fun, and make a new friend for next time.

Don't most people on dating apps actually look for dates, instead of just for some chat?

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