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Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

nytimes.com

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Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#101

Post by rb808 »

colmvp wrote: post #57

I think loneliness is especially bad for men as we are prone to hide our mental health and true feelings/emotions, not seek medical attention when we need it, and generally have less intimate discussions with friends as compared to women. So a lot of men end up suffering loneliness for a long period of time without any emotional support. It feels like one of those things which creeps on you, and before you know it, y…

I saw mentioned here that men are quick to give up friends, with work & family & wife's social calendar there really isn't much time for anything else. I need to make an effort to make friends cause really all I ever see is work colleagues and other parents of our children's friends.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#102

Post by eeZah7Ux »

iak8god wrote: post #91
owebmaster wrote: post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I think loneliness is especially bad for men as we are prone to hide our mental health and true feelings/emotions Don't put the blame on the victims. Modern society doesn't discuss and give relevance to the problems of individual men in the way it does to women's problems.

How about "[men] are conditioned to hide our mental health and true feelings/emotions"

Much better. "we are prone to hide our mental health and true feelings/emotions" sounds like it's nature rather than nurture.

[EDIT: why the downvotes, again?]

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#103

Post by hestipod »

simion314 wrote: post #84
hestipod wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hi. I am sorry to hear your situation is similar. My email is in my profile but I will be honest up front that I am dealing with so much right now that I wouldn't be a good friend and hate disappointing anyone so please don't expect much or feel slighted.

I understand, I have exchanged messages with a other person, it was like an email at the end of the week checking up on what happen that week. I am not sure how to set emails public, I can't see your email, you can contact me at my_hn_id@gmail.com, I am not offended if you don't want to connect so don't worry about me.

Thanks. I know my email was there in the profile, even if cryptically in the info bit as others have written me. Maybe I changed a privacy setting inadvertently and will check. I dont want you to get spammed posting your email in the open here as they seem to even vacuum up attempts at ciphering them like that, so if you care about that or want to delete yours in the above post I have saved it.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#104

Post by dlevine »

As a man in his 30's who has dealt with loneliness and mild depression on a fairly Two things that I have found to be extremely helpful are:

1) See a therapist (when needed). Therapists have helped me to get out of some of my roughest patches. Even in our society, there can be a lot of shame associated with seeing a therapist, and I'll admit that I've avoided seeing one in the past due to that shame. But it has definitely helped when I felt stuck.

2) Join a men's group (if you're male). There are some great organizations that have regular men's groups. It's powerful to meet regularly with a group of men and having the chance to share your feelings and emotions and work through issues. I found one through The Mankind Project, but there are a number of groups out there that offer them.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#105

Post by hestipod »

overcast wrote: post #100
hestipod wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hi. I am sorry to hear your situation is similar. My email is in my profile but I will be honest up front that I am dealing with so much right now that I wouldn't be a good friend and hate disappointing anyone so please don't expect much or feel slighted.

I think your first course of action is improving your attitude. You start out with a cry for help about your problems, depression, and loneliness. People respond, offering help, and you have a negative response to it. It may not seem like much, but people are more willing to help you, if you're willing to be helped. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, be positive, and take advantage of what others are offering.

You misunderstand me, I disagree, and I don't know how to change that. I have heard the "people are willing to help IF you do X,Y,Z" thing so often and have seen that even when I change and extend myself and expend great and limited energy to their requirements it doesn't work like you imagine and I find it really simplifies the complex set of issues I deal with and is victim blaming in the end. Sorry if I have offended you...I am explaining my position not trying to fight. I believe your intent is good and I do appreciate that intent. I just hope you can accept and believe me when I say I have "been there/done that" and would never choose to be defiant or screw my own life out of pride or attitude.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#106

Post by atomical »

doughj3 wrote: post #99
atomical wrote: post #94

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This can work up to a point. They are looking for something in return. Your belief, money, or both.

The church may be looking for those things; the churchgoers, however, not so much.

Q: Would you like to become a member?

A: No thank you. I'm an atheist who is just here for the social interaction and community.

How does this end well?

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#107

Post by stevenwoo »

billysielu wrote: post #17

If I wanted to be social I wouldn't even know where to start. There's nowhere to go to hang out and meet people. Folks work and then go home and stay in their houses (UK commuter town). The previous generation might have gone to the pub (bar) but those have been turned into restaurants so even that doesn't work anymore. I even start thinking about going online as the best available option to be RL social. horror I th…

What did you think of the Jo Cox commission? There might be something near you soon. https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/jan/16/may-appoints...

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#108

Post by algorias »

hestipod wrote: post #50
snarf21 wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I understand that it isn't an easy road but nothing is. Gardening or photography is a hobby you can start yourself with almost no cost and health isn't a real barrier. If there is no club, you could start one. Or maybe join the mall walking club which may also help with your physical health. There is something out there for you. You're worth it so put forth the effort. The return will surprise you.

I know you mean well, and I am not trying to argue for sport or be difficult, but it's not as simple as you imagine. I have health issues that prevent me from spending time down in the dirt gardening and I don't find it appealing at all. Photography requires infrastructure and equipment. Walking is a big problem for me because of the surgeries and fallout. I really wish people would not do the "you have to work at it…

Hey man,

I also have some permanent health issues (not as serious as yours probably, but still) and I totally get the frustration of people applying wishful thinking to your situation without having any experience with the kinds of problems you're facing (as is happening in this thread).

I know it's not what you asked for, but feel free to drop me a line anytime if you need to talk to someone who has at least a slight chance of getting it. I can be reached on gmail under the same username.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#109

Post by kakarot »

maxxxxx wrote: post #23
kakarot wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's just your personal experience and not an objective one. I'm lonely for severe lack of being around humans all the time, and when I am around humans they're often distracted by some form of entertainment. There's nothing that indicates either of our experiences can be generalized.

"There's nothing that indicates either of our experiences can be generalized." Please don't try to generalize. We all have very different needs and what works for one person doesn't work for the other. Acknowledgement and respect of this would be true diversity and inclusion.

I'm confused by what you mean. I was arguing against generalization in this case?

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#110

Post by atomical »

brbrodude wrote: post #37
truculation wrote: post #12

I'm conflicted about socialising. It seems at best shallow and trivial. At worst downright exploitative. It seems like a politician's game, or a gangster's. Yet occasionally I enjoy the warmth of catching up with an old friend. 'The ape-descendant will greet [me] in return, but in deference to a million years of evolution, he will not attempt to pick fleas off [me]; Earthmen are not proud of their ancestors and never…

Age? I'm a lifelong loner in a 'healthy sense', know plenty of people but could always pick when I wanted to do my stuff or meet people. At 30, I sort of became bored of my own company and now prefer to be with other people & forget about myself, it wasn't like this before. I'd just spend uncountable hours reading on everything and it really hooked me, reading, drawing, programming, learning history, documentaries...…

I'm headed this direction as well. It seems like I'm getting so much more out of even the most basic social interaction than a TV show or documentary.
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