Yeah, I definitely agree with that to a large extent. That's why I stated that any career success I personally enjoy will be based on luck and/or accident instead of political skill. I've tried to bring myself to find some way to reconcile these paths and still feel that I'm not throwing away my integrity, but I've been having a hard time doing that. Trying to find that reconciliation has actually been a large part of my personal struggle over the last year or so.
I think the thing is that there are degrees here. A lot of the things that we are socialized to consider "bad taste" are not actually immoral and unfair (for example, aggressive SEO), and you have to meet on that playing field if you ever intend to be competitive. But you have to identify the limits of what's just getting into the nitty gritty of business and what's crossing the line into being a cheater/liar/phony.
There also seems to be some people for whom social camouflage comes naturally. These people don't feel like frauds or phonies when they cater their preferences and likes to match those of the group around them. It's hard to compete with these people because they have no compunction about being yes-men and they have no malfeasance behind it, since they don't really even realize they're doing -- they only realize that they're making the people around them happy. They truly just have nothing original or important to contribute and don't realize that they're mimicking everyone around them, which, as we've discussed above, is a great skill to have on the path to career success.
I think that developing an active, interesting conversational style and taking care to frame arguments in the most emotionally influential way possible without altering, distorting, or seriously misrepresenting them is perfectly in bounds. Most people do this intuitively to some extent or another, and I believe that intuition can be improved with practice and training, and that that's a great thing for anyone to develop.
The problem is that that's about where I stop. Even if there is nothing immoral about dragging yourself to a baseball game with the bosses, it still feels painful and phony to do that kind of thing. Your unscrupulous and/or unaware competitors, however, will waste no time immediately making themselves as likable as possible by adopting all of the boss's favorite things and habits, refusing to criticize him or anyone whom he holds in high esteem no matter how grossly dangerous their actions are, etc.
It's a tough game. Sometimes I try to believe that there's some cove of people that aren't this way out there, but it always gets shot down as soon as I start believing it again.
I'm starting to think that the only bonds that allow real honest participation are permanent and non-revocable bonds like parent-child and sibling relationships. People still get offended in these and rarely they may even fully withdraw, but most of the time everyone accepts each other and has to get over the perceived slights. I'm not sure there are many voluntary relationships (certainly not relationships where the continued relation is predicated upon a regular payment) where people do that.