What I Learned from a Stroke at 26: Make Time to Untangle • Hacker News Board

Re: What I Learned from a Stroke at 26: Make Time to Untangle

#101

Post by gozur88 » Tue, Sep 27, 2016, 8:55 AM UTC

legacynl wrote: post #69

rjtobin wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Kind of shocking lack of empathy in that last sentence. Don't get me wrong, I hate the "you shouldn't say anything offensive" brigade, but equally, no reason to be so caustic. Overwork is a big part of tech culture sadly, posts like these are helpful, even if they are only reminders of things we already know.

"I would easily clock 70 hours of work a week — more if we were on a deadline. I was often the first in the office and the last to leave." - quoted from article. This doesn't sound healthy to me. I wonder if anyone can really argue with that. That's 10 hours per day at least! Adding 8 hours of sleep, only gives him 6 hours to do EVERYTHING else in his life. That's friends, family, leisure, excersise, but also groceri…

I did it for awhile when I was in my 20s. On top of an hour commute, too. And no, it's not healthy. Not at all.

What really got me, though wasn't the lack of sleep. I was okay with six or so hours a night. The problem was not having the time to shop and prepare food, and not having the time to exercise. I gained something like forty pounds over three years, and by the end I felt like crap all the time.

It took a long time to get that weight back off and get everything balanced again.

Re: What I Learned from a Stroke at 26: Make Time to Untangle

#102

Post by vlaskovits » Wed, Sep 28, 2016, 1:13 PM UTC

gerbilly wrote: post #73

I've been thinking about this lately and I've concluded that a big driver of overwork is the misguided quest for fulfillment. Not really fulfillment like we normally call it, I'd say more like acceptance. Perhaps many of us are seeking love and acceptance from bosses and coworkers, and overworking ourselves to obtain it. I believe that building your identity on anything that isn't yours is stressful. Building your eg…

"emotional share-cropping" is a brilliant and moreoever, accurate term.

The writer of the piece, Jonas Koffler, is my co-author for Hustle.

In the book, we address the difference between 'renting your dream' (ie emotional sharecropping) and 'owning your dream' finding your personal meaning, momentum and money.

"I believe that building your identity on anything that isn't yours is stressful."

We couldn't agree more. We also describe how one should diversify their identity/ego into a portfolio of sorts.

https://www.amazon.com/Hustle-Power-Charge-Meaning-Momentum/...

Re: What I Learned from a Stroke at 26: Make Time to Untangle

#103

Post by tripzilch » Wed, Sep 28, 2016, 10:24 PM UTC

throwaway28935 wrote: post #15

verisimilidude wrote: post #5

I spent several years in my mid-twenties working like the author, pretty much non-stop. At the lowest point, I fell into a weird sleep pattern: I'd crash as soon as I got home around 6:00 in the evening, then wake up around midnight and be back at work by 1:00 am. It took an old friend's suicide to jolt me out of it. I saw a lot of my old buddies at the funeral and started reestablishing those friendships. We played…

For me it was the opposite. The whole time I was overworking I was aware and wishing I wasn't and very much imagining myself doing other things. Now I'm aware and wishing I was back to normal and working. I spent about 4 years working flat out. If I was awake I was working, trying to keep the income coming after the recession hit. Then something snapped. The now ex-wife had to unwind the things I was part way through…

I have been in this boat (as far as I can judge from your story--I wouldn't tell anyone "I know how you feel"), in February it'll have been 10 years. Overworked myself during university (which took way longer than it should have, but everyone kept telling me "oh I feel like that sometimes too"--never did I realize they didnt have to deal with it every minute, every day). When the student loan ran out (back then very generous in NL), I got a coding job, two days a week (trying to finish my study, except I was mainly recovering most of the week), after two months something snapped, I couldn't read the code on the screen anymore, scared the shit out of me (been coding since I was 9). Completely broke down.

I have tried so many things (therapy, meds, alternative therapy, physical checkup, coaching). No solutions. Anti-depressants make it more bearable, but they also seem to suck motivation (and have side-effects) so I use them on and off (for longer periods of course otherwise they don't make sense), recently I've been in a bad place so I'm back on again (which works but it's no progress either).

I wish I had some solid advice to give you. Your story is in fact the first time I hear something quite as similar to my experience (cause it's not quite like a burnout, is it?), except I never got myself to work the hours your post suggests you did, instead using--I dunno--intellect to make up for it, which just leads to perfectionism and pushed me over the edge just as well[0]. Except I wasn't aware I was asking too much of myself.

Going to re-read this thread tomorrow, maybe some of the replies have some good advice that I haven't tried yet (or might be worth to re-try). Never stop fighting, life's too amazing, even if you can't live it like all the other people.

Currently I'm doing the best I can, volunteering at several youth-centres, teaching kids as much computer / computational science I have learned, trying to put my education and knowledge to the best use as possible (also, turns out that teaching and working with kids is a passion of mine I never discovered in comp.sci). Even though I only have the energy to do it 12h/wk, I know I'm doing something amazing for these kids who will remember me when they're old. I also realize I'm super lucky to live in the Netherlands, in the US I'd be on the streets (this resonates http://www.iquilezles.org/blog/?p=2659 ), and possibly a dead junkie.

I wish you the best of luck and to somehow some day find happiness. If there's anything you like like to talk about, my email's in my profile.

Re: What I Learned from a Stroke at 26: Make Time to Untangle

#104

Post by copperx » Thu, Sep 29, 2016, 8:40 PM UTC

alxndr wrote: post #95

copperx wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Actually, if you get hospitalized in America you are assigned a Social Worker who makes sure you will be OK at home and helps make arrangements if necessary.

Has this happened to you?

Yes, to my mother. The social workers ask any family members to step outside the room so they can speak to the patient (to check if there's abuse/mistreatment at home). They also check that you have all necessary equipment (wheelchair/shower chair/a way to go up and down in a multi-story home). They check if there are any assistance programs you can apply to.