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Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

nytimes.com

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Re: Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

#101

Post by antisthenes »

nostrebored wrote: post #89
11thEarlOfMar wrote: post #88

[0] There are so many reasons why the whole marriage thing is a boondoggle. The most pithy is: 'Women marry men, expecting they will change. Men marry women, expecting they won't.' More often than not, both wind up disappointed. Erring a bit more scientifically, the male and female brains are genuinely structured differently and process sensing input differently [1], [2]. It's no wonder they respond to the same situa…

[0][1][2] I still can't honestly believe that people actually believe in brain sex. Swathes of neuroscience researchers have told you that it's disingenuous, it's a classic tool of projecting inferiority onto women, and it ignores the reality of neuroplasticity. The brains of taxi drivers are different than the brains of the general population -- does this mean that we consider them to be naturally born to be taxi dr…

I just want to point out that even though the brains are equivalent, the sexual strategy for men and women is completely different and that's okay.

The differences in behavior can be explained by choosing the optimal strategy, rather than some deterministic brain chemistry.

Re: Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

#102

Post by antisthenes »

11thEarlOfMar wrote: post #88

[0] There are so many reasons why the whole marriage thing is a boondoggle. The most pithy is: 'Women marry men, expecting they will change. Men marry women, expecting they won't.' More often than not, both wind up disappointed. Erring a bit more scientifically, the male and female brains are genuinely structured differently and process sensing input differently [1], [2]. It's no wonder they respond to the same situa…

This is slightly off-topic, but generally drowning people don't make sounds, as they're gasping for air or have their lungs already partially filled with water.

In both cases it is really hard to make loud sounds and most people would probably not recognize 'symptoms' of drowning.

Re: Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

#103

Post by Razengan »

nostrebored wrote: post #80
Razengan wrote: post #68

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, I wasn't implying an age limit on adoption. However, I think there's almost always some amount of self-interest in having kids: Me and my girlfriend despise babies (for now) and simply don't see ourselves as being responsible/mature enough to raise kids yet. We do entertain the idea though, now and then, and for us the main attractions of having kids seem to be: Something we made together, a "substitute" of each…

I hope there is some self-interest in having kids! One thing that I hope to impart on my child is that martyrdom is a terrible go-to practice. The goal I have with raising my child isn't to create a miniature version of myself, it's to raise an autonomous individual with a robust moral framework. As far as self-interest goes, sharing this experience with my partner is one of the things I look forward to most over the…

That is still your legacy; if you succeed he or her will have grown up to be an autonomous individual with a robust moral framework, because of you. He/she will still be what you wanted him/her to be.

But what if the child's own will decides to become an evil overlord instead?

Re: Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

#104

Post by matwood »

Digit-Al wrote: post #63
matwood wrote: post #28

A comedian once said "Find someone you can tolerate and marry them." The point being that we as society have put marriage expectations so high that they are impossible for most people to meet. True love, the one, etc... are all things that sound great, but just rarely, if ever happen. It will not always be rainbows and butterflies and there will be times where it is a lot of work. Knowing that going in will lead to a…

There's a line in a song: It's not alway's rainbows and butterflies; it's compromising that moves us along.

Maroon5. I probably subconsciously used part of that line in my comment.

Re: Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

#105

Post by Aelinsaar »

dctoedt wrote: post #96
rayiner wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not having kids is an extremely common option that's growing in popularity. It's also incompatible with the modern welfare state as currently structured.

> Not having kids is an extremely common option that's growing in popularity. It's also incompatible with the modern welfare state as currently structured. I've wondered whether we might be seeing a new division of labor emerging: An increasing number of educated professionals elect to have few or none of the kids needed for the next generation of workers, while some lower-income people take up the slack by having lo…

That's less "new", and more a re-emergence of feudal dynamics in child-rearing that probably never left as much as we'd like to pretend.

Re: Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

#106

Post by fizzbatter »

andrewfromx wrote: post #90
andrewfromx wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

such a valid choice! We should have irreversible sterilization ceremonies for couples that want to decide at age 30 they wish to remain married without kids for the rest of their lives. The trouble with the choice now without sterilization is the option to have kids is always there and available. i.e. if u have a kid the domino falls in one direction. But if you choose not to have a kid the domino never falls. People…

why all the down votes? This would be optional! Just like a couple decides to have kids, they can decide to do this.

Honestly, i feel like there is a lot of sarcastic tones in these threads... so pardon my ignorance if i miss any obvious wit.

With that said, i've always liked the idea of reversible sterilization as a standard. It is of course a worrisome proposition to suggest we forcefully sterilize people.. which i'm not exactly saying. I'm simply saying, what an interesting world would it be if reproduction was never by accident, and always intended.

Re: Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

#107

Post by nostrebored »

norea-armozel wrote: post #84

I guess I count myself lucky in that I never bothered to look for anyone, not even in the context of casual sex. For me, people are such a complicated topic that I'd rather share my time with a cat than another human being. It's not to say that I don't enjoy the time I do share with my friend (yes, I literally just have one friend) but I can't see myself having anything but a friend or two in my life. I may be settin…

The fact that nobody has responded to you concerns me. I'd much rather have a failed relationship with fond memories (which all but the worst of relationships will have) and personal growth (which every relationship will encourage given that you have the right outlook going in).

You're setting up a huge false dichotomy here. The choices aren't lonely or miserable, there's a huge spectrum, and you might feel those feelings at discreet points, but overall just developing the level of closeness that you do with another person in a prolonged relationship can help you see the beauty of the world and the people in it again.

From one previously lonely guy to another, I really hope you give it a chance.

Re: Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

#108

Post by Aelinsaar »

Mz wrote: post #70
Aelinsaar wrote: post #64

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If every comment you come across accounts for the full spectrum of human and geopolitical variability, they would stop being comments and start being novellas.

It is possible to leave comments that are not novellas and that also are not sweepingly dismissive of underlying reality. All birth control methods have failure rates. None of them promises 100% protection -- except celibacy (assuming no one gets raped), which most married couples are not keen to practice.

I'm curious, if we take the failure rate of responsible protected sex, post-vasectomy sex, etc, for the planet...

... does that even start to contribute to replacing the existing population, or is it a statistical blip? Is this just a dead end you're trying to lead me down?

Re: Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

#109

Post by spikej »

Aelinsaar wrote: post #105
dctoedt wrote: post #96

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Not having kids is an extremely common option that's growing in popularity. It's also incompatible with the modern welfare state as currently structured. I've wondered whether we might be seeing a new division of labor emerging: An increasing number of educated professionals elect to have few or none of the kids needed for the next generation of workers, while some lower-income people take up the slack by having lo…

That's less "new", and more a re-emergence of feudal dynamics in child-rearing that probably never left as much as we'd like to pretend.

It's also the ending of Idiocracy (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0387808/) :P
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