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On Marrying the Wrong Person

thebookoflife.org

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Re: On Marrying the Wrong Person

#101

Post by IndianAstronaut »

awl130 wrote: post #54
bambax wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, monogamy is usually framed as being good for women and detrimental to men when in fact it's been invented so that non-alpha males could mate; in a "natural" world, most (all) women would mate with the alpha male of the group, and all other males would not mate at all. Therefore it shouldn't be unexpected that women who didn't get to marry the alpha male, are unhappy and eventually want out.

ironically, women's empowerment could eventually lead a society back to pre-historic times in a genetic sense. imagine a society where women no longer need husbands or fathers for either income or childcare (which is the current trend in the OECD). imagine further that there is no more stigma towards artificial insemination. then women will pick the fittest sperm from the bank (let's say an Olympic athlete with a Nob…

One thing people forget is that in historical societies, the number of men would be less than women. This is due to war, other violence against men, etc. This left surplus women who were more inclined to the alpha males/royalty and fewer men without partners.

Re: On Marrying the Wrong Person

#102

Post by aaroninsf »

gizi wrote: post #91

> Back in the olden days, marriage was a rational business ... It still is for 80% of the world population. > We are still traumatised by this. I don't think that 80% of the world population would be traumatized. Arranged marriages work absolutely fine. It is rather the alternative that is in doubt.

Agreed... ITT there is a good amount of presumption that the natural and appropriate motivation for decisions is personal actualization and short horizon victory.

E.g. contention that it's so good to be single today, why would you even consider getting married?

The answer to those in a prolonged adolescence with such a view is: because there may be more to life than yourself. The first thing that changes when you _have kids_ is that you should no longer be your own top priority.

Thank god neurobiology forces reorganization of imperatives as much as it does...! :)

Re: On Marrying the Wrong Person

#108

Post by lacker »

santaclause33 wrote: post #11

Three notes I would add: 1) In response to the "know yourself" bullet: I met my now wife at 15 - we learned a lot about ourselves between then and when we married at age 22. But we were pretty much committed to marrying by age 18, even though we learned a lot after. You can learn with another person. 2) Life pro tip on understanding other people (this is a quick reinforcement of a bunch of points in the article): if…

If someone is behaving irrationally, 99% of the time its because they are subconciously insecure about something.

Or because they are sleep-deprived. I guess that applies more later once you have kids though ;-)

Re: On Marrying the Wrong Person

#109

Post by throweway »

epimetheus wrote: post #70
LordKano wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's easier to live with being broke if your sexual needs are being met. If you're broke and sexually unfulfilled, that's not going to last.

Or even if you have money and are sexually unfulfilled. I'm pretty sure for myself, a libido mismatch was a contributing factor for some of our issues. We do fine, not in the 1%, but certainly in the 5-6% (household income ~140k in a not terrible cost of living area). Our times of interest were even wonky. I get tired at night and lose interest, that's when she wanted it. I liked it in the morning (after brushing the…

Tmi!

Re: On Marrying the Wrong Person

#110

Post by sjg007 »

alexashka wrote: post #93

This was painful - I read the first point, skimmed the second and forwarded reading a sentence of each point further down the line. Anyone giving out bullet points about marriage needs to back it up with some credentials - who are you to be making these statements? This comes across a lot like self-help advice from someone needing some help. 'Learn by teaching' is a disaster in the making - you simply don't have the…

Umm shared experiences mainly.
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