Ask HN: Why keep living?

I cannot recommend finding a good cognitive-behavioural therapist enough. Cognitive behavioural therapy with a good therapist actually helps; I've seen it with other people and myself.

Outside of that, personally I've that while external validation like you're trying can be nice, it doesn't always fight off intrinsic issues. For short term things, I've found going back to things I know I enjoy or used to enjoy helpful--finding friends I haven't hung out with in a while, or a videogame I know I like to play, or a favourite TV show, or a personal project I used to care about. I usually don't want to do these things before I start, but find they're easier to get back into than I expect.

This can be really tough, and I'm sorry you're going through it. But it is something you can get through!

But please find a good therapist (who lists cognitive behavioural therapy as something they specialize in)! And if the first person you find isn't someone you like, try another. I promise there are wonderful ones out there!

Your depression is like an adversary, trying to kill you, and it is feeding you wrong thoughts. Some of them are obvious, depriving meaning from meaningful things, and some of them are not obvious, like the idea that you cannot get help for one reason or another. But it's just another tactic for your adversary.

I would guess that you need some friends. Having a "support network" is important. If you had one, you wouldn't be reaching out to strangers on HN. But, look at it this way—I haven't logged in to leave a comment in a year and a half, and I did for you. And you have two other people leaving comments, so clearly you are interesting enough to make some friends. So I would recommend you try and do that.

The rest of my advice is probably useless, but I'll say it anyway.

Sometimes when I get depressed I fantasize about going somewhere remote and just living in a cabin or something. I'm sure I'd be awful at it, but you know, if your alternative is killing yourself, you might as well try it. At least that way you can die of something exotic. Would you rather die because you were trying something dangerous in the hopes of enjoying it, or because you decided to call it quits early? Have you tried freighthopping? If you're going to kill yourself, you might as well get a free trip or two out of it. You might as well go down to the dangerous part of town and get into a fight. You might as well, I dunno, get an awful job like helping people move that pays rather well and blow it all on something frivolous.

I dunno. I suffer from depression myself but haven't been suicidal in a long time. The thing is that it's a disease, and treating your mood is treating the symptom. You probably need medication and counseling to treat the disease. But for me, a major turning point was regarding the negative thoughts as something adversarial, a manifestation of the disease, rather than just "truth." Another thing that helped me was that I had the faith that if I did kill myself, I would be depriving someone of their soulmate. Corny. But it's the truth, it helped me a lot. And now I know I was right to have faith in that.

I don't know. This probably isn't constructive. Try lots of things and talk to lots of people about it. Don't give up.

Oh, and get some sunlight (or vitamin D). And avoid street drugs. Ecstasy in particular can cause this.

I really don't think anyone is going to come up with your own personal reason for living. In the simplest biological terms, our purpose is to survive long enough to procreate or pass on our genetic information. Beyond that, it's up to you!

You'd be surprised at what sort of free and low-cost mental health assistance is available in some cities in the USA. Within the last 5 years, there's a lot more awareness and money being spent on mental health care. Google for "low cost mental health care" in your area before you've written off professional health. If you do get a prescription, try to find a professional therapist who's also willing to do non-prescription services (such as CBT/cognitive based therapy).

I personally think diet and exercise (weightlifting, walking, yoga, dancing, swimming, roller-skating, biking, running, etc.) has helped my mental health immensely. There is something about the chemical cocktail from exercise that has been a real life saver for me and for many others (anecdotal and measured scientifically).

On the other side of the scale, I think technology like computers and smartphones haven't helped my mental health in any beneficial way. I remember people being more personally connected before Facebook, Twitter and all of the rest of the "social networks". I doesn't really feel like our brains are optimized for spending 8+ hours a day in front of a computer screen. 20 years ago I remember telling people I was a programmer and spent most of the day in front of a computer screen. Now it seems like most jobs are in front of a computer of some sort. I fear for the future generations who won't have the ability to disconnect from technology in the way I did as a kid and a young man.

Good luck friend.