Ask HN: What is wrong with me?

A lot of people are late bloomers.

Then again, some people are just incapable of socializing. I know at least one person like that who is older than you, single, and gets looked over for a lot of activities at the community group we both frequent because people feel that he's incapable of holding a conversation.

Yet he's harmless and tries to be social but it just comes out wrong and in all his years he has never learned.

Then on the other hand I'm 30 and I just recently in the last 4-5 years started blossoming. I'm not saying I'm extrovert yet but I've realized a detail about being introvert and that is that we thrive in social situations as long as we can rest after and recuperate. Resting requires silence and alone time, or time with very close friends and spouses.

Don't worry about what others might think of you. But do worry about what you think about yourself. Aside from the facts that you mentioned what do you think about yourself right now? Are you happy with your body? are you happy with your career? are you happy with your hobbies? Do you eat well? Do you exercise regularly? Do you take care of yourself well? ...

Bottom line: Be someone YOU respect and like. The rest will take care of itself.

If you don't like yourself, nobody else will.

Hang in there buddy. As others have said it all starts with being content with yourself first. Focus on your hobbies, especially those that come with an "instant community". Get out and do new things and enjoy life. Everything you do gives you some new perspective and interesting new things to talk about with people. Try joining some new MeetUp groups and see if you click with anybody.

Also, make sure you have the basics all covered. I'm not saying any of these apply to you specifically as obviously I don't know, but the basics would include proper hygiene, good breath/dental care, dress in neat, clean clothes, etc.

Finally, you also might want to try reading some books on the subject of interpersonal skills. There are a lot of quick practical tips in the areas of body language and ways to communicate that make other people feel good about themselves when they are around you.

What you've written above comes across as the nightmare requirements spec from a client. You're being too vague. You need to deconstruct yourself and your life. Your personality, your habits, where you live and how you live. What you want out of life.

Consider NLP, consider getting involved in things that you find uncomfortable (e.g. amateur dramatics). Join meetup.com and locate groups in your area doing stuff and pop along. Talking to people is hard.

Smarten yourself up. Make yourself look great ALWAYS. Change the way you get to work. Consider cycling/walking. Exercise. Run a half marathon. Follow a passion. Get into local campaigning. Be involved in society. Join a debating society. Avoid MMORPGs as a social outlet ;)

Love yourself (but not in an arrogant way).

AND when you are ready, do something crazy.

You're almost 30. It's time you circumvented the world by train and boat. Consider backpacking around India. Go climb a mountain. Tour across America on a bicycle.

You're single. You have no dependents. You can go anywhere and be anyone. Telecommute from Vietnam.

I would say your statement about going to clubs indicates a way of thinking about getting 'hooked up' that probably does not suit you.

Also hanging out with work colleagues is not good. Going for a drink is fine. People have their own social lives and doing drunk stuff in front of work colleagues can be a very bad thing. People connect with people at work because of the interests they have outside of work, not because they share the same workplace.

Maybe suggest moving into a house with a group of people.

I would also say that from the way you state people don't talk to you is that you have a personality trait some people find uncomfortable.

As you get into your late 20s and early 30s most people are looking to get married if they haven't already. At that point social life is going to mostly turn into family, wife, kids and work related friends. I'm 32 and recently married and I find it very hard to justify spending much of my time socializing outside of those above contexts. It's often nothing personal and from my own perspective I would actually like to have more friends but after going through a lot of friends over the years it's proven to be rarely worth the long term investment. I'm not going to chase down others to get together and they likewise. There probably isn't a whole lot wrong with you and judging by the desperation at which people try to gain attention on social networks it seems like far more people are lonely then they openly admit - in other words you aren't alone. If you really want to give it a go to gain more friends I would suggest looking for social groups with shared interests, such as recreational sports teams, programming meetups, or whatever you personally like. Attend events that you have interests in, travel by yourself (I used to all the time in my early 20s) and in general just try to make yourself a bit more interesting. Learn to pick up on social cues better, focus on listening rather than talking and go out of your way to help people that you aren't even that close with in simple ways. Online dating is also a good way to meet new people and practice social skills without much risk (you can cut off contact at any point).