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By Making a Game Out of Rejection, a Man Conquers Fear

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11–20 of 110 posts

Re: By Making a Game Out of Rejection, a Man Conquers Fear

#11
post #7

If my wife had divorced me and i ended up a crying heap on the floor like this guy i would probably want to try this. Most people are not in that situation though, it's all relative. Fair play to him though.

Fear of failure isn't something that only people who've been divorced and are crying heaps experience. If you've ever hesitated to ask a girl (or man) out, you know what this guy's talking about. I think this is a pretty novel approach to confronting that fear.

Re: By Making a Game Out of Rejection, a Man Conquers Fear

#12
post #7

If my wife had divorced me and i ended up a crying heap on the floor like this guy i would probably want to try this. Most people are not in that situation though, it's all relative. Fair play to him though.

Don't worry, dude. Give it time.

Coming out of any multi-year relationship is normally a shock to the system. The wonderful whiff of want is the fiercest anti-pheromone.

Also, a good tip, put a rug on the floor.

Re: By Making a Game Out of Rejection, a Man Conquers Fear

#13
post #7

If my wife had divorced me and i ended up a crying heap on the floor like this guy i would probably want to try this. Most people are not in that situation though, it's all relative. Fair play to him though.

I find this to be useful in other situations though, like asking +X% more of rise or in an interview, or asking for a better deal with your internet provider, or just a discount in an store.

Re: By Making a Game Out of Rejection, a Man Conquers Fear

#14
post #8

As a teenager I went to an all boys school, so was very shy with women. One day I just decided to get over my fear and resolved to ask for the telephone number of every pretty girl that caught my attention in public, even if they were with other girls. Importantly to the process was that it was never my intention to actually call the girl - just to see what percentage gave me their number. Since the outcome was not i…

The question is how many of those 25% were fake numbers "just to get that creeper off my back". It's nice that you decided to "not be creepy", but it's not you who decides how your behaviour is judged.

Re: By Making a Game Out of Rejection, a Man Conquers Fear

#17
post #14
post #8

As a teenager I went to an all boys school, so was very shy with women. One day I just decided to get over my fear and resolved to ask for the telephone number of every pretty girl that caught my attention in public, even if they were with other girls. Importantly to the process was that it was never my intention to actually call the girl - just to see what percentage gave me their number. Since the outcome was not i…

The question is how many of those 25% were fake numbers "just to get that creeper off my back". It's nice that you decided to "not be creepy", but it's not you who decides how your behaviour is judged.

That's a bit (I admit not entirely) like saying that "Maybe all those free-throws you practiced between games didn't score us any actual points."

100% of the women he didn't ask did not give him his number. The exercise served the purpose of pushing him past the fear that would have otherwise paralyzed him during a real request.

Re: By Making a Game Out of Rejection, a Man Conquers Fear

#18
post #14
post #8

As a teenager I went to an all boys school, so was very shy with women. One day I just decided to get over my fear and resolved to ask for the telephone number of every pretty girl that caught my attention in public, even if they were with other girls. Importantly to the process was that it was never my intention to actually call the girl - just to see what percentage gave me their number. Since the outcome was not i…

The question is how many of those 25% were fake numbers "just to get that creeper off my back". It's nice that you decided to "not be creepy", but it's not you who decides how your behaviour is judged.

As a confidence building exercise, you do not need to know how many are fake or not, in fact, it probably would not help.

Fear of rejection is fear of having what you already have, nothing (and maybe a bit of ridicule laid on top).

Re: By Making a Game Out of Rejection, a Man Conquers Fear

#19
I didn't have many friends in school. I never tried to fit in - I found other people in my class to be predictable and uninteresting and it took me too much energy to pretend that I was enjoying their company. I went through several years of school with no friends at all - At times, 'cool' kids would invite me to play sports with them after school but I never did. I spent all my lunch breaks alone programming games on school library computers.

I don't have much fear of rejection nowadays. I consistently choose the most difficult life decisions because I like challenges.

Re: By Making a Game Out of Rejection, a Man Conquers Fear

#20
post #14
post #8

As a teenager I went to an all boys school, so was very shy with women. One day I just decided to get over my fear and resolved to ask for the telephone number of every pretty girl that caught my attention in public, even if they were with other girls. Importantly to the process was that it was never my intention to actually call the girl - just to see what percentage gave me their number. Since the outcome was not i…

The question is how many of those 25% were fake numbers "just to get that creeper off my back". It's nice that you decided to "not be creepy", but it's not you who decides how your behaviour is judged.

And that's totally not the point of the exercise so it doesn't matter?
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