My Wife Is Telling Me to Have Drinks with Other Women (maybe You Should, Too) • Hacker News Board

Re: My Wife Is Telling Me to Have Drinks with Other Women (maybe You Should, Too)

#11

Post by jamiethehutt » Wed, Oct 22, 2014, 11:33 PM UTC

As a man who doesn't drink I can't help but feel the problem here isn't drinking with the opposite sex but drinking as part of a business relationship (outside the Christmas party).

I don't think I would be particularly comfortable at such a meeting; If I did drink I'd not enjoy the act and quickly become introverted (I have a low tolerance, I'm not used to it). If I didn't drink I would feel I'm not committing to the social aspect of the meeting.

What's wrong with a working lunch?

Re: My Wife Is Telling Me to Have Drinks with Other Women (maybe You Should, Too)

#12

Post by bawss » Thu, Oct 23, 2014, 1:34 AM UTC

Maybe his wife who chose not to even take his last name, went out to get some D with other guys. Thinking it meant "D"rinks

Re: My Wife Is Telling Me to Have Drinks with Other Women (maybe You Should, Too)

#13

Post by Jasonp » Thu, Oct 23, 2014, 2:53 AM UTC

Semiapies wrote: post #9

I'm a little puzzled. If you're uncomfortable having business drinks with women, and you've seen how a simple invitation can go badly in a sexual harassment context, why not just stop having drinks as a context for a business meeting with either men or women? Have lunch, get together for coffee, etc.

The point I am trying to make is a little broader: assume that a lot of business and networking does happen over drinks already. In my business it does. There's nothing wrong with coffee, lunch, etc. It's just that if I am going to do a lot of business over drinks in the afternoon or evening, it seems unfair to limit those opportunities to other men.

Re: My Wife Is Telling Me to Have Drinks with Other Women (maybe You Should, Too)

#14

Post by Jasonp » Thu, Oct 23, 2014, 2:55 AM UTC

jamiethehutt wrote: post #11

As a man who doesn't drink I can't help but feel the problem here isn't drinking with the opposite sex but drinking as part of a business relationship (outside the Christmas party). I don't think I would be particularly comfortable at such a meeting; If I did drink I'd not enjoy the act and quickly become introverted (I have a low tolerance, I'm not used to it). If I didn't drink I would feel I'm not committing to th…

I think it would be great for my health if my industry didn't run on alcohol.

Per my comment above, I am more concerned in this case with unconsciously limiting our opportunities for partnerships, deal, etc, to businesses run by other men just because the current norm frowns on having a drink with women.

Re: My Wife Is Telling Me to Have Drinks with Other Women (maybe You Should, Too)

#15

Post by Jasonp » Thu, Oct 23, 2014, 2:57 AM UTC

Schwolop wrote: post #10

Today's Dilbert is highly relevant: http://www.dilbert.com/strips/comic/2014-10-22/

Wow, that timing.

Re: My Wife Is Telling Me to Have Drinks with Other Women (maybe You Should, Too)

#16

Post by 1stranger » Thu, Oct 23, 2014, 7:42 AM UTC

jamiethehutt wrote: post #11

As a man who doesn't drink I can't help but feel the problem here isn't drinking with the opposite sex but drinking as part of a business relationship (outside the Christmas party). I don't think I would be particularly comfortable at such a meeting; If I did drink I'd not enjoy the act and quickly become introverted (I have a low tolerance, I'm not used to it). If I didn't drink I would feel I'm not committing to th…

Then order something else.

Re: My Wife Is Telling Me to Have Drinks with Other Women (maybe You Should, Too)

#17

Post by Torgo » Thu, Oct 23, 2014, 3:50 PM UTC

The wife of the person the article is addressing seems oddly absent from the article. I am guessing a lot of men do not go out for drinks alone with women in a professional context out of respect for their wife's feelings.

Re: My Wife Is Telling Me to Have Drinks with Other Women (maybe You Should, Too)

#18

Post by Semiapies » Fri, Oct 24, 2014, 3:42 AM UTC

Jasonp wrote: post #13

Semiapies wrote: post #9

I'm a little puzzled. If you're uncomfortable having business drinks with women, and you've seen how a simple invitation can go badly in a sexual harassment context, why not just stop having drinks as a context for a business meeting with either men or women? Have lunch, get together for coffee, etc.

The point I am trying to make is a little broader: assume that a lot of business and networking does happen over drinks already. In my business it does. There's nothing wrong with coffee, lunch, etc. It's just that if I am going to do a lot of business over drinks in the afternoon or evening, it seems unfair to limit those opportunities to other men.

I don't think the points are very different in breadth. You're saying, Do thing X with women if you're comfortable doing it with men. I'm saying the alternative is, Don't do thing X with men if you're uncomfortable doing it with women.

Normally, I'd say they were equivalent and lean towards the first option as less limiting, but if there are serious potential downsides, the second option seems to have merit.