Have you tried meetup.com? Maybe there's an event or group that catches your eye.
When I was actively seeking for an internship, I have attended a lot of meetups. I was not able to make friends, though.
How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
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Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#12In the Bay Area there are tons of fascinating people. I met more such in my first 2 weeks there than in two years of living in some other places.
Being new to a place may be hard. But in the Bay Area you can find a http://www.meetup.com/ for many, many topics (choose topics you genuinely enjoy); it may be a great place to start. Being an introvert myself (though one who have learnt to start conversations) having some topic to start (like Meetup's main theme, or the last talk topic) is great.
Lack of car in US may be a hard thing... but: you have Caltrain & as of now it may be more cool (and healthy) to be more bike-oriented (at least, in the Bay Area).
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#131. Why haven't you been social in school? Too much pressure to get good grades? Fear of being rejected? 2. Why do you live alone? I'm 26 years old guy living in a foreign country and I live with a flatmate. I'd hate living alone. I had a friend in a similar situation as you (a young Japanese guy with basic english living in Poland). My friends make him to go out. It took a while to him to get comfortable.
1. School workloads were demanding
2. I'd prefer living alone, provided that I have people to spend time with when I feel like. Also, I was new to the area, so I did not want to have a roommate until I find a good one.
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#14Do you have a sport you enjoy playing? Maybe there's a club/team you can join to get to know people outside work. That was always the first thing I did when I moved to a new location.
If you have a common reason to be somewhere, it reduces a lot of the awkwardness from meeting new people.
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#15Someone's already said it, but starting with something like meetup.com just to give you that initial confidence boost and practice socializing would be perfect. Once you've gotten used to seeing, talking, and shooting the shit with other humans once a week I think everything else that you want (meeting girls, making close friendships) will develop naturally.
Also, because you're in the bay, I can make a few personal recommendations:
- Start rock climbing. If you're near south-bay, hit up Planet Granite. If you're in the city, maybe Dog-Patch. You'll not only become stronger and more physically confident, but you'll also learn how to socialize, meet, and make friends with strangers.
- Check our your local hacker-spaces. Hackerdojo is probably a good bet, given your location. There's usually classes or meetups for a particular interest on weekends which are well attended. At the worst, you'll show up and learn something.
Perhaps one last bit of advice: try to learn to be happy by yourself. This means enjoying the time you spend reading, learning, walking, etc, and not spending that time contemplating how you'd be happier if you were with friends. Gradually, this poise and contentment will transform itself into a very attractive self-confidence :)
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#16I'm not an introvert, but I'm shy. That's even worse, because I WANT to hang out with people but I'm desperately afraid of meeting new people. Anyways, go find an event that sparks your interest where you will meet people. Or, just force yourself to do something. Social dancing did it for me, for example. I know indoor rock climbing has worked for other people (if you don't have a partner you sign up on a list of solos looking for a partner).
I would venture to say that if you truly are an introvert (being social saps your energy) then you should consider social dancing or rock climbing, because for a few minutes at a time your attention is focused on just one person and you can for the most part shut off everyone else, unlike being in say a generic 'common interest' meetup.
But anyways you have to actually put effort into it. Unlike the olden days, where everyone in town knew what was up, and dragged other people around, or college, which professionalizes the student's entitlement to experiences, you are rarely going to be handed social activities on a platter.
If someone invites you to spend time with them in a group, make a mental note of it, and if you're counting too many examples where you're saying no, think hard about saying yes the next time.
Also, yes, it is harder being an Asian. I know this from personal experience. But there is nothing you can do about that, so forget about it.
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#17The language barrier is a problem, but it can also be an opportunity. Try looking for conversation clubs or meetups (look on facebook, too) -- perhaps you can find someone who wants to learn your native language and you can teach each other.
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#18Have you tried meetup.com? Maybe there's an event or group that catches your eye.
I've had both good and bad experiences with meetup.com events.
Usually the problem is you join a group that already met a few (sometimes many) times together and you're the odd one. Of course some groups try to be really inclusive but that's not always the case. Rarely you feel confident enough to engage in the topics discussed etc.
I guess it might be a cultural thing. Possibly it works better in countries like US.
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#19Get used to loneliness. I figured it the hard way, the more you try to get out the numbing pain of loneliness by trying to make friends, the more people do not want to make friends with you. Do your stuff, take music classes, listen to good music, become awesome at the thing you're already good at through practice and more importantly stop trying hard to make friends. Then you have a greater probability that you'll make some good friends.
Re: How can an introvert Asian engineer like me make friends?
#20I'd recommend you picking up a hobby where you'll have to interact with people. For example joining a beginner dancing class (salsa/mambo). It's a lot easier to start conversation with people who have common interest. It feels a lot more natural.
I'd also suggest to start working out a couple of times a week. It will make you more confident.
You also mentioned that you do a lot on your own. Don't expect people to invite you to events. Try to plan something on your own and invite them. Like movie/gaming night, barbecue and etc. That will show that you are interested and want to be friends with them.