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Being alone

jessepollak.me

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Re: Being alone

#11

Post by jskopek »

tazjin wrote: post #6

Stopped reading after > Preface: As a white, heterosexual, cis, male, I’m granted, from birth, an extraordinary amount of privilege I wasn't actually aware people outside of the Tumblrverse said things like that. (Over on Reddit there is /r/TumblrInAction for things like this)

Do you disagree with the author? Depending on where you live, his point is very valid. As a resident of Canada, I feel that I live in a fairly progressive, culturally diverse society. Yet even here, I have heard friends of different ethnicities complain about racial issues.

Not all racial or gender divisions are obvious; exclusion or denial of privilege is harder to spot.

Re: Being alone

#12

Post by Demiurge »

So, is Twitter or Facebook the only way to get randomly invited to a party with your social compatibility? Is privacy equivalent to aloneness nowdays?

Re: Being alone

#13

Post by Touche »

> When alone in a sea of strangers, no such frameworks exist, so change is easier — we can experiment with who we are and how we act. We can construct a new identity framework for every new conversation we have. We can try being someone else.

This is very true, and why I find myself most comfortable around people I don't know, especially if there is no expectation that I'm going to ever talk to them again. It's very freeing to be able to be your absolute self with no baggage or expectations.

Whenever I'm around friends I've had since high school I find myself acting very different than I normally do, in order to maintain that identity framework I've built for them. It takes a little while to slide into that identity but once I do I'm fairly comfortable.

I really struggle around casual acquaintances. I just don't know what to say to these people. We already know each other well enough, but without a desire to become close friends with them you're stuck simply refreshing each other on what you've been up to.

Re: Being alone

#14

Post by nooron »

tazjin wrote: post #6

Stopped reading after > Preface: As a white, heterosexual, cis, male, I’m granted, from birth, an extraordinary amount of privilege I wasn't actually aware people outside of the Tumblrverse said things like that. (Over on Reddit there is /r/TumblrInAction for things like this)

Since I just moved to the Bay and spend a lot of time alone, the article really resonated with me.

I'm all of these things except heterosexual. As as adult, I'm also not readily identifiable as homosexual. But as a kid my perceived lack of masculinity (among many other things) definitely made me a target.

I can confirm that being alone now, by my choice, is much more pleasant and gratifying than being alone, by the choice of others.

He's on to something.

Re: Being alone

#15

Post by icebraining »

tazjin wrote: post #6

Stopped reading after > Preface: As a white, heterosexual, cis, male, I’m granted, from birth, an extraordinary amount of privilege I wasn't actually aware people outside of the Tumblrverse said things like that. (Over on Reddit there is /r/TumblrInAction for things like this)

Stopped reading your post after "Stopped reading".

Re: Being alone

#16

Post by ibejoeb »

> I might stand in a corner by myself staring awkwardly at my phone

Word of advice to anyone who might be anxious going out alone: don't bring your phone. If you're just going to distract yourself with it because you feel less awkward, you might as well stay home, because you're depriving yourself of the opportunity to notice what's going on. If you just go and actually pay attention, there will be opportunities to participate.

---

I want to amend this because I feel like it might come across as a little hostile, but that's not the intention. A few points on the reasoning:

* A party will have a host, and it's his job to integrate you. You shouldn't really have to work that hard. Find the host and he'll try to get you involved.

* There are guests that will do the same. If I'm out with a group, I'll happily involve a newcomer.

* Both of these fall apart if you walk in and immediately look disinterested. I'm not going to approach a person on his phone. In my head, he's either temporarily busy or doesn't want to be there, and I'm not going to risk being an ass and interrupting on the off chance that you're just shy. (I've got better ways of looking like an ass.)

If you can't resist the temptation to delve into your phone, you're not genuinely putting yourself out there.

Re: Being alone

#17

Post by marcosdumay »

rb2k_ wrote: post #2

I'll be moving from Germany to Boston in a month, one of the things that I'm looking forward to is the chance to enjoy this process of "being alone" and "Pushing back on discomfort". As much as I enjoy the company of my friends, having complete freedom and no accountability to anybody also has its advantages :) That being said, cities like SF/Boston/New York/... make it easy to keep "alone" from turning into "lonely"…

> I couldn't imagine doing the same in the far out suburbs.

Well, I don't know the US suburbs, but as a rule, the smaller the place, the easier it is to know people.

Re: Being alone

#18

Post by danpat »

fit2rule wrote: post #10

One of the best things I've ever done for myself is pack up and move to another country - just to get out of the cultural bubble we all get wrapped up in. Culture is nothing but a bunch of lies; when you shift from one to the other and give yourself a reset, you see just how much this brings to bear on the individual. Eventually, dealing with a foreign language and strange people can be quite enlightening, if you tre…

This absolutely mirrors my own experience.

Re: Being alone

#19

Post by mjgoins »

tazjin wrote: post #6

Stopped reading after > Preface: As a white, heterosexual, cis, male, I’m granted, from birth, an extraordinary amount of privilege I wasn't actually aware people outside of the Tumblrverse said things like that. (Over on Reddit there is /r/TumblrInAction for things like this)

When you learn new things you stop reading?

Re: Being alone

#20

Post by aristomc »

icebraining wrote: post #15
tazjin wrote: post #6

Stopped reading after > Preface: As a white, heterosexual, cis, male, I’m granted, from birth, an extraordinary amount of privilege I wasn't actually aware people outside of the Tumblrverse said things like that. (Over on Reddit there is /r/TumblrInAction for things like this)

Stopped reading your post after "Stopped reading".

lol
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