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Hug vs. Handshake

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Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#11

Post by seren »

socialist_coder wrote: post #9

I don't like shaking hands (business handshakes are fine) or hugging unless it's a loved one or someone you are really close to and generally want to feel the embrace from the hug. Otherwise I think it's just pointless touching to signify some non-existant closeness. What's wrong with just saying "hi"? Or a friendly fist-bump if you want to do something more fun? I especially hate meeting a new group of people and ha…

I will state the obvious but to answer your "what's wrong" question, it is purely cultural and learned. If you were from, let's say a Europe Latin country, you would feel odd to not have any kind of physical contact when meeting someone.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#13

Post by fredleblanc »

I try to short-circuit awkwardness by putting my hand up to high-five people. If there's someone between handshake and hug, I've found that gesture is comfortable enough for most, explains the situation without saying anything, and gives everyone a way out. Your mileage may vary.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#14

Post by praptak »

Isn't the social norm[1] to wait for a woman to initiate the handshake?

The norm doesn't specify the timeout but to me it comes naturally to just nod and say hello after the "moment"[2] I am convinced the timeout happened.

[1] It certainly is in Poland and I am fairly convinced about Western Europe too

[2] About one and a half igniseconds [3]

[3] www.unwords.com/unword/ignisecond.html‎

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#15

Post by claudius »

What I find even more inappropriate is random women I talked to once suddenly thinking it is necessary to hug me. Really, no. We can shake hands if you insist, but a hug is an absolutely no-go unless you are closer than close family.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#16

Post by antoko »

I pretty much only ever shake hands when first being introduced to someone, or when concluding some kind of business arrangement.

I have no problem with hugging but I really don't care - I never instigate it with males or females but have no problem returning a hug if one is incoming.

Who has the time to worry about stuff like this? I really don't get it, chances are the people you are imagining taking offense aren't analyzing the interaction at all - let alone as deeply as you are.

I'd strongly advise bosses not to hug their employees except in very rare circumstances, those interactions are much likely to be analyzed by the recipient and any observing coworkers

I'm a married male for the record.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#17

Post by peterwwillis »

Do not hug someone without asking first. Also, don't do the open-arms-moving-in-and-then-asking-for-a-hug. People who might feel uncomfortable hugging you now feel socially forced to. Ask the first time, and ask if you can hug them again in the future.

If you're really feeling awkward, start out with a hand wave as you approach the person... either they'll wave back, or try to initiate a handshake/hug with you. Either way it's a good enough greeting for friends and co-workers alike.

This is cultural, of course. In Latin America the cheek kiss is expected, and if you don't give it it's considered rude.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#18

Post by claudius »

socialist_coder wrote: post #9

I don't like shaking hands (business handshakes are fine) or hugging unless it's a loved one or someone you are really close to and generally want to feel the embrace from the hug. Otherwise I think it's just pointless touching to signify some non-existant closeness. What's wrong with just saying "hi"? Or a friendly fist-bump if you want to do something more fun? I especially hate meeting a new group of people and ha…

I am from Germany and greet my friends with a ‘hi’ and no handshakes, especially in academic backgrounds. At the THW, people shook hands, which was fine with me, too. Furthermore, handshakes if you meet for the first time in any context, unless the group is so large you don’t get introduced to everyone individually.

Hugs are for close family and I will make it very obvious that I don’t want to hug you if you try.

Re: Hug vs. Handshake

#20

Post by claudius »

carlyle4545 wrote: post #4

This reminds me of the awkwardness of seeing someone you sort-of know in passing and deciding whether to stop and chat with them or just say "Hey! How ya doing?" and continue walking. The "stop and chat" dilemma immortalized by Larry David: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5f2LJXz-l2k

"Hi" and a smile/nod appears perfectly appropriate. But it certainly depends on the cultural background.
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