"The Editor You Need To Read (At Least) Two Books On To Use Well"
Read :help. I haven't read any books on Vim so I'm not sure if there are any good ones, but you most definitely do not "need" to read one.
"The point of a mouse is to make arbitrary on screen jumps efficient, and it’s very good at doing that. Don’t you ever think you can beat a mouse. Only in very few edge cases will it even matter."
That's kind of ridiculous.
When you edit text, your "jumps" are not arbitrary—they have a structure to them, and Vim lets you express your movement within that structure very efficiently in terms of lines, words, sentences, search, etc.
With a mouse or trackpad, you have to move away from the keyboard, make a movement to the general area you are targeting, then fine-tune your target down to a space between two characters to insert the cursor.
"Pathogen, the first widely used, known, and celebrated path manager making plugin management possible, was released in 2008! Before that, you were encouraged to recursively copy the plugin’s directory into your Vim folder."
And before 2008, Sublime Text was nonexistent. What's your point?
I have used a plethora of plugin systems, and Vundle is the pinnacle of all of them. Simple to install, remove, and update.
"700 hand written lines in my .vimrc, and 45 plugins"
I may have found the problem. Learn to use the editor.