The Bully

I was not (or at least, I hope so) empowering suicide, as this would be the last thing on my mind. I read the story as some kind of parable, teaching me something. It got me thinking. It broke through all the layers protecting my brain from all the noise out there. It gripped me and I started thinking, about the times, I was on the receiving- and on the giving-end of the bully-stick.

I am far to far away, to judge, if anyone in the linked context qualifies as bully. Really I am. And to be fair, it is ok not to judge here, not knowing of Aarons situation, not knowing the people involved and only having read some 1000 words on the topic.

But I can judge myself being bullied and being a bully sometimes. And I was able to identify some situations, in which i was not the good man, I want to be, situations, I was able to revisit in memory, See where I went wrong and what I could do better next time. And speaking an apology to the one on the receiving-end.

So what is so bad in this irrational, emotional, but maybe moving story? In my humble opinion, it would only be "bad" not to go the next step after reading it.

This is an unfair analogy. Don't compare a college roommate with a US Attorney. First, they don't have the same moral training: the roommate is young and still in school, while the prosecutor has spent years in school studing justice and is near the top of a profession with the primary goal of doing justice. Second, their acts aren't comparable: the roommate acted on a sick, misguided impulse intending to embarrass, while the prosecutor deliberately over the course of many months and spending many thousands of dollars intended to force a kid to admitting to a felony and to agree to spend months in prison.

There is a clear bully here and it's not the people protesting Carmen Ortiz's actions.

One, bullying is not a new occurrence. Most of us grew up to be fine and arguably stronger (and there was one year I probably got punched or my head slammed in a locker 4 out of the 5 days in the week). So what’s changed today that this generation of children can’t seem to grow past it? It’s become a devastating ordeal with kids committing suicide and whatnot; thoughts that NEVER went through my head growing up. Shit sucked, but I knew it wasn’t permanent.

Two, are we coddling our children so much in the new era of child rearing technics that we’ve stripped them of the notion to grow and learn from the hurtful things in life? Are we teaching them to drop responsibility for the outcome of our environment in a pity me plea? I only ask because when things would happen to me, the first thing my mother would ask is “Well, did you do anything to provoke him?” and even if I hadn’t it forced the notion through my head that I ultimately control my environment by my behavior. Shit happens and I get that, but my mother didn’t go to the principal’s office, talk to the other kid’s parents or call the police. I simply learned to cope and, well, manipulate. Bluff toughness when necessary; kill with kindness when that was necessary. You learn to change your environment by changing your own behavior and in effect provoking others to change theirs. Probably the most valuable lesson I’ve ever learned.

One could highlight that the internet has changed the face of bullying. Whereas my generation (y) and the ones preceding me had to grow through physical bullying abuse, and today bullying has changed to public humiliation happening in front of thousands of people thanks to the internet. I could see that being a major factor in the change of effect.

I don’t believe simply removing bullying from adolescent life is the answer. I think it’s an easy one to exploit, but I really don’t think it’s the only answer we’re looking for. Bullies are a part of life and stripping our kids of the experience is only going to leave them helpless as adults. I agree fully that things need to change, but I also have a point of view that most of the time these terrible things that happen to us make us stronger.

It’s a thought provoking subject really and I curious to see some responses.

The goal was to simplify the discussion and throw some culpability on the reader to make them a little uncomfortable, but as I only usually write about tech stuff this was new ground for me and I had no idea if people would "get" the intent or if it would just feel like a one-sided condemnation.

It's just about power, the abuse of power and what you would have respect for. That "helping" sounds ridiculous if it won't come from something/someone that THE BULLY would have respect for (such as police as in the story).