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I love you, dad
11–20 of 219 posts
Re: I love you, dad
#12What is interesting is that he did Ludum Dare competition just days after this. Maybe that was a good therapy for him as well, but in any case that's quite respectable to be able to focus after a tragedy like that.
Re: I love you, dad
#13I am very happy that my parents are married to each other, and my alive grandparents too, and that they don't have issues like this (what my father "abuse" is coca-cola, he rarely drinks, and noone smokes). And I am very sad to see that all other families are crumbling. I am seeking a girlfriend that wants to be a mother, and I am not finding, most of them are self-centered, and come from divorced families, the only…
Coming from a broken home impacts everyone differently, and particularly when you end up raising yourself (and your siblings). The idea that someone doesn't want to be a mother because they're self-centered is very far from the truth. They are more likely to be aware of their vulnerabilities and the fear that they will end up like their parents. Worse, they may have long-term damage (or mental health issues that plagued their parents as well) that they don't feel would make them strong parents. I consider that responsible, not self-centered.
Re: I love you, dad
#14What is interesting is that he did Ludum Dare competition just days after this. Maybe that was a good therapy for him as well, but in any case that's quite respectable to be able to focus after a tragedy like that.
Ludum dare doesn't start for another day or so. He said on twitter that he will not be doing this one due to scheduling conflicts or something.
Re: I love you, dad
#15My father has substance abuse problems too (alcohol dependency for 20 years) and it has destroyed his relationship with my siblings and my mother, he's going to lose what little he has left very soon and I genuinely fear he's going to do something very similar to what is mentioned here. I am the only child that will talk to him without contempt and I have long since left home. He lost his own father very recently and…
Someone with a substance abuse problem is the only person that can tackle that issue. Attending alchoholics anonymous or narcotics anonymous (or a similar 12-step style program) can be a start, and it is really helpful if said person attends therapy with a professional of some form outside of those kinds of programs (church staff don't count, this absolutely should be a trained therapist, psychologist, etc). Outside of that, there isn't anything you can do. It should be noted that not talking to someone with a substance abuse problems is a wholly legitimate thing to do, as you aren't required to put yourself in situations that are harmful to your own mental and physical well being.
Re: I love you, dad
#16I am very happy that my parents are married to each other, and my alive grandparents too, and that they don't have issues like this (what my father "abuse" is coca-cola, he rarely drinks, and noone smokes). And I am very sad to see that all other families are crumbling. I am seeking a girlfriend that wants to be a mother, and I am not finding, most of them are self-centered, and come from divorced families, the only…
You must be quite young. To me, what defines a good relationship (in terms of having a partner) is not necessarily that what you have in common with the other is a strong desire for stability, family life & kids. I've seen people get married because of this desire, and the people I've observed doing that don't necessarily seem very happy. On the contrary, actually. After a while they just become jaded. Like people in a job that they don't enjoy but that they need to do to pay the mortgage. I think these situations are quite unhealthy, and ultimately unsatisfying.
What defines a good relationship, in my opinion, is two people that know what they want out of life, that chase their own goals and have their own dreams, and then decide to do that together. It's much harder though, because sometimes these goals clash, but I wouldn't want it any other way.
Re: I love you, dad
#17My father has substance abuse problems too (alcohol dependency for 20 years) and it has destroyed his relationship with my siblings and my mother, he's going to lose what little he has left very soon and I genuinely fear he's going to do something very similar to what is mentioned here. I am the only child that will talk to him without contempt and I have long since left home. He lost his own father very recently and…
Disclaimer: This is my own personal experience and opinion. I've dealt with substance abuse issues for many years and I've known several people for whom substance abuse exacted the ultimate toll.
The short of it: There are no reliable solutions. There are no good answers.
People with depression and substance abuse issues don't think the way non abusers do. They know what they're doing is wrong and that it could lead to death or going further down the spiral, but their ability to rationalize their behavior is all powerful. It has nothing to do with will power or motivation. There's something wired differently in the brain.
Medication, AA, NA, inpatient treatment, religion are all good things to try. Sometimes one of them sticks. I wish you the best of luck. The only advice I can give is this: If something bad happens with your father, it is not your fault. There is nothing you can do to change his behavior. All you can do is be supportive if he recognizes the need to make a change.
Re: I love you, dad
#18My father has substance abuse problems too (alcohol dependency for 20 years) and it has destroyed his relationship with my siblings and my mother, he's going to lose what little he has left very soon and I genuinely fear he's going to do something very similar to what is mentioned here. I am the only child that will talk to him without contempt and I have long since left home. He lost his own father very recently and…
Having been in a similar situation as Notch, also ending in a very similar way, all advice I can give is to make the best of the time you have and don't waste it on contempt and hate. I wish that I had been able to have a more understanding attitude than I did.
Re: I love you, dad
#19I am very happy that my parents are married to each other, and my alive grandparents too, and that they don't have issues like this (what my father "abuse" is coca-cola, he rarely drinks, and noone smokes). And I am very sad to see that all other families are crumbling. I am seeking a girlfriend that wants to be a mother, and I am not finding, most of them are self-centered, and come from divorced families, the only…
Coming from a broken home impacts everyone differently, and particularly when you end up raising yourself (and your siblings). The idea that someone doesn't want to be a mother because they're self-centered is very far from the truth. They are more likely to be aware of their vulnerabilities and the fear that they will end up like their parents. Worse, they may have long-term damage (or mental health issues that plag…
It's also possible that they don't want kids.
Re: I love you, dad
#20What is interesting is that he did Ludum Dare competition just days after this. Maybe that was a good therapy for him as well, but in any case that's quite respectable to be able to focus after a tragedy like that.
Ludum dare doesn't start for another day or so. He said on twitter that he will not be doing this one due to scheduling conflicts or something.
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