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Most lives are lived by default

raptitude.com

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Re: Most lives are lived by default

#11

Post by ef4 »

acabal wrote: post #2

I don't like these kinds of posts, because they suggest that happiness is something just within our grasp, if only we did the exact right thing to grasp it. In this case, it's suggesting happiness comes in part from questing to find major change X in your life that will change everything. But I think that's actually the cause of a lot of unhappiness. It's a perpetual "grass is always greener" situation. Say you go on…

I agree completely that happiness comes from within.

And yet there is a duality that has always struck me as important, though hard to explain: it's easiest to be happy when you're striving toward a goal you believe in. But you need to keep your sense of self, your ego, non-attached to the outcome of the striving.

That is, you need to invest yourself 100% into doing things that are important to you, but remain detached from whether you ultimately achieve what you wanted to achieve.

I think Buddhists call this "skillful attachment".

Re: Most lives are lived by default

#13

Post by brador »

acabal wrote: post #2

I don't like these kinds of posts, because they suggest that happiness is something just within our grasp, if only we did the exact right thing to grasp it. In this case, it's suggesting happiness comes in part from questing to find major change X in your life that will change everything. But I think that's actually the cause of a lot of unhappiness. It's a perpetual "grass is always greener" situation. Say you go on…

The secretary problem: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secretary_problem

Re: Most lives are lived by default

#14

Post by [deleted] »

acabal wrote: post #2

I don't like these kinds of posts, because they suggest that happiness is something just within our grasp, if only we did the exact right thing to grasp it. In this case, it's suggesting happiness comes in part from questing to find major change X in your life that will change everything. But I think that's actually the cause of a lot of unhappiness. It's a perpetual "grass is always greener" situation. Say you go on…

[deleted]

Re: Most lives are lived by default

#15

Post by mylons »

acabal wrote: post #2

I don't like these kinds of posts, because they suggest that happiness is something just within our grasp, if only we did the exact right thing to grasp it. In this case, it's suggesting happiness comes in part from questing to find major change X in your life that will change everything. But I think that's actually the cause of a lot of unhappiness. It's a perpetual "grass is always greener" situation. Say you go on…

I've been struggling with this since graduating college. It's been 5 years now and it hasn't gotten any better until I reheard a John Lennon quote: "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

Some things are awful and you should get out -- but I imagine for a lot of us on this site we can chalk it up to first world problems and not living more in the moment.

Re: Most lives are lived by default

#16

Post by hmbg »

ef4 wrote: post #11
acabal wrote: post #2

I don't like these kinds of posts, because they suggest that happiness is something just within our grasp, if only we did the exact right thing to grasp it. In this case, it's suggesting happiness comes in part from questing to find major change X in your life that will change everything. But I think that's actually the cause of a lot of unhappiness. It's a perpetual "grass is always greener" situation. Say you go on…

I agree completely that happiness comes from within. And yet there is a duality that has always struck me as important, though hard to explain: it's easiest to be happy when you're striving toward a goal you believe in. But you need to keep your sense of self, your ego, non-attached to the outcome of the striving. That is, you need to invest yourself 100% into doing things that are important to you, but remain detach…

"Skillful attachment", what a wonderful expression! Doesn't seem that widespread, google-wise, but it definitely goes in my decidedly not very Buddhistic list of rules to live by.

Re: Most lives are lived by default

#17

Post by richardlblair »

acabal wrote: post #2

I don't like these kinds of posts, because they suggest that happiness is something just within our grasp, if only we did the exact right thing to grasp it. In this case, it's suggesting happiness comes in part from questing to find major change X in your life that will change everything. But I think that's actually the cause of a lot of unhappiness. It's a perpetual "grass is always greener" situation. Say you go on…

I can agree with this statement.

I once read (I wish I could remember where, I'm reaching back 10 years here) that if happiness is your goal then you will never achieve it. You will be so busy "looking" for happiness that you will never realize that you are happy.

Instead of making happiness you goal, a person should instead make tangible, achievable goals. Using your example of finding the best city to live in, you could define things that makes a city the best city for you. Good coffee shops, good people, lots of meetups, bars, schools.. the list can go on.

Here are some great ted talks surrounding the topic: http://www.ted.com/talks/barry_schwartz_on_the_paradox_of_ch... http://www.ted.com/talks/martin_seligman_on_the_state_of_psy...

Re: Most lives are lived by default

#19

Post by ryanmolden »

richardlblair wrote: post #17
acabal wrote: post #2

I don't like these kinds of posts, because they suggest that happiness is something just within our grasp, if only we did the exact right thing to grasp it. In this case, it's suggesting happiness comes in part from questing to find major change X in your life that will change everything. But I think that's actually the cause of a lot of unhappiness. It's a perpetual "grass is always greener" situation. Say you go on…

I can agree with this statement. I once read (I wish I could remember where, I'm reaching back 10 years here) that if happiness is your goal then you will never achieve it. You will be so busy "looking" for happiness that you will never realize that you are happy. Instead of making happiness you goal, a person should instead make tangible, achievable goals. Using your example of finding the best city to live in, you…

A good read on this is [0], he calls it the hedonic treadmill, where you are always thinking that thing that will make you ultimately happy lies in your next goal achievement.

[0] http://www.amazon.com/The-Joyless-Economy-Psychology-Satisfa...

Re: Most lives are lived by default

#20

Post by Nursie »

acabal wrote: post #2

I don't like these kinds of posts, because they suggest that happiness is something just within our grasp, if only we did the exact right thing to grasp it. In this case, it's suggesting happiness comes in part from questing to find major change X in your life that will change everything. But I think that's actually the cause of a lot of unhappiness. It's a perpetual "grass is always greener" situation. Say you go on…

I have known a few people driven to distraction by this sort of thinking.

"I will be happy when I get promoted/I buy a house/I move area/Some other future event happens", seems to me to be some sort of mental defence to justify being unhappy now, because obviously you can't be happy now because X hasn't happened yet. The event that's due to happen never makes them happy when it does happen though, they just make another event to pin their supposed future happiness to, all the while missing that life is happening now, friends and family and good times are around now.

Perhaps it's part of the human condition.

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