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Always Invite Anna

sharif.io

11–20 of 183 posts

Re: Always Invite Anna

#11
post #10

this reminds me of a friend who we've excluded from the group b/c of the age old advice of "the worst they can say is no". Well, we invited him to everything at first it was either no responses or late responses like "sorry was busy with work". The whole friend group took their turns and attempts at inviting him. It sort of stopped altogether when we started getting responses like "hey, don't call me without scheduli…

I think there is a difference between making it clear to a person they'll always have the option to join - and pushing that person to join.

Anna in the story did not express regret that she never joined. And as far as we know, Alexei wasn't expecting her to take his invitations either - because it wasn't about actually getting her to go to the party, it was just about communicating to her that the "we've stopped inviting you to our group events because you always say no" moment never happened and she was still a part of the group. That was what she had appreciated in the end.

On the other hand, what your group attempted seems more like a concerted push to change the person's behavior. Most people would probably reject that if they want to stay in control of their own plans.

Re: Always Invite Anna

#12
post #10

this reminds me of a friend who we've excluded from the group b/c of the age old advice of "the worst they can say is no". Well, we invited him to everything at first it was either no responses or late responses like "sorry was busy with work". The whole friend group took their turns and attempts at inviting him. It sort of stopped altogether when we started getting responses like "hey, don't call me without scheduli…

I was all ready to respond and defend this guy, but... yeah, no.

All advice has limits. In this case, "telling your friends to schedule their calls with you" is that limit... and then some.

Re: Always Invite Anna

#13
post #11
post #10

this reminds me of a friend who we've excluded from the group b/c of the age old advice of "the worst they can say is no". Well, we invited him to everything at first it was either no responses or late responses like "sorry was busy with work". The whole friend group took their turns and attempts at inviting him. It sort of stopped altogether when we started getting responses like "hey, don't call me without scheduli…

I think there is a difference between making it clear to a person they'll always have the option to join - and pushing that person to join. Anna in the story did not express regret that she never joined. And as far as we know, Alexei wasn't expecting her to take his invitations either - because it wasn't about actually getting her to go to the party, it was just about communicating to her that the "we've stopped invi…

What? The group's behavior is basically just being a group of friends and inviting another friend?

Re: Always Invite Anna

#15
post #13
post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think there is a difference between making it clear to a person they'll always have the option to join - and pushing that person to join. Anna in the story did not express regret that she never joined. And as far as we know, Alexei wasn't expecting her to take his invitations either - because it wasn't about actually getting her to go to the party, it was just about communicating to her that the "we've stopped invi…

What? The group's behavior is basically just being a group of friends and inviting another friend?

Well, I read that part like it was coordinated: "The whole friend group took their turns and attempts at inviting him."

But yeah, might have misunderstood.

In any case, the guy made clear he didn't really want to be part of that group, so then I wouldn't keep asking him either.

Re: Always Invite Anna

#16
post #14

Why Anna, and not a thousand other people in the area? She must've done something to enter the group in the first place.

You're sort of answering your own question. It was a matter of proximity. The thousand others were a greater distance in the initial conditions.

Re: Always Invite Anna

#18
Thank you, a very heartwarming story indeed.

I think you just have coined a new saying - "Always invite Anna" sounds intriguing, and yet at the same time very descriptive.

Re: Always Invite Anna

#20
post #14

Why Anna, and not a thousand other people in the area? She must've done something to enter the group in the first place.

Why not everyone invite a different Anna?

I think the moral is for everyone to be individually a bit nicer, not one friend group to support an entire community.

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