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Why Marriage Is Increasingly for the Affluent
11–20 of 31 posts
Re: Why Marriage Is Increasingly for the Affluent
#12Earlier quoted context omitted.
>cost of... ...attending one is out of control What costs are associated with attending a wedding?
Suits, dresses, flights, unless you plan to attend in basketball shorts and drive multiple states over (depending where people are located)
This is what I met. That and using PTO, dog sitting, a modest gift / card etc. It adds up.
Re: Why Marriage Is Increasingly for the Affluent
#13"The economic contract of marriage has shifted, and now young people are looking for financial stability before the wedding" This is just an excuse. Nobody ever had financial stability before a wedding in the past. Everyone I know had parents and grandparents that were dirt poor when they got married (including my own). I've been hearing about financial woes since 2000. I remember in 2005, people were complaining abo…
I suspect there is a large class of young people that expect to continue the quality of life they had as late teens as soon as they get a place of their own in their 20s.
It’s certainly kinda hard to suddenly downshift into a quality of life they never experienced.
Newish car, nice apartment, frequently eating out, etc all isn’t going to work out on someone with an entry level job.
The difference is their parents were in their late 40s / early 50s, enjoying the benefits of being at peak earning capability with enough time to pay off cars/house, build savings, and be well past all the early expenses one has early in life.
Re: Why Marriage Is Increasingly for the Affluent
#14I just got done paying for my wedding. It was 3 years ago. Was the second one, first one was during Covid and we just went to a beach in pt. Reyes and did it for free. Having done the two, one for free w/ close friends, one w/ catering and a hotel and everything that I paid 60k for… don’t waste your money. Unless this is literally so disposable you think of the money like pocket change, it’s not worth it. My favorite photos are the beach wedding, my memories are the beach wedding. We had more fun, it was unscripted and spontaneous, I had more time with my favorite people, and I had more time with my wife to enjoy it.
If I could go back, I would save the 60k and just invest it in our home, our retirement, our savings. You don’t need a lavish party to show off, your friends don’t care. You won’t care. Skip it
Re: Why Marriage Is Increasingly for the Affluent
#15My wife was a wedding coordinator for many years and we were both aghast at how anything dubbed "wedding" was magically 10x normal cost. I used to joke that wedding water would be next. Then some crafty bastard ran with the idea and started selling bottled water labeled for the events! I can't complain my joke turned into someone's side hustle but on the other hand we eloped and I don't regret it.
Re: Why Marriage Is Increasingly for the Affluent
#16I just got done paying for my wedding. It was 3 years ago. Was the second one, first one was during Covid and we just went to a beach in pt. Reyes and did it for free. Having done the two, one for free w/ close friends, one w/ catering and a hotel and everything that I paid 60k for… don’t waste your money. Unless this is literally so disposable you think of the money like pocket change, it’s not worth it. My favorite…
> Unless this is literally so disposable you think of the money like pocket change, it’s not worth it.
Well yeah, spending tens of thousands of dollars on one party is insane unless you're royalty or just crazy rich. Everything about a wedding is overpriced and overhyped.
But it's one of those times when rationality is challenged by emotion and expectations that have been moulded throughout childhood.
Congrats on the free beach party wedding. That's a great idea. COVID or not.
Re: Why Marriage Is Increasingly for the Affluent
#17I just got done paying for my wedding. It was 3 years ago. Was the second one, first one was during Covid and we just went to a beach in pt. Reyes and did it for free. Having done the two, one for free w/ close friends, one w/ catering and a hotel and everything that I paid 60k for… don’t waste your money. Unless this is literally so disposable you think of the money like pocket change, it’s not worth it. My favorite…
I'm being invited to these sorts of weddings (albeit probably much lower key) for the first time as an adult (in 30s, since that's when it's happening these days), and it's actually seeming like an excessive cost just as a guest to put something formal together to wear. I've literally never had the occasion to wear any kind of proper suit or even anything close to formal wear until now, and it'll probably be a sudden non-trivial investment since there are a few of these lining up in the year. It's not helped by the fact that I'm not just an off-the-shelf build physically, and so while I'm grateful for the invites, it's money and stuff that I really could spend in other ways. The economy in Canada is shit rn, and if I wasn't lucky enough to have a job, I'd probably just consider declining on that basis. That plus a short domestic flight, accomodation, bachelor/bachelorette parties, etc.. it's crazy.
Earlier in the year, my lady and I were invited to the destination wedding of one of her close relatives, and simply told them no because it would have been a laughably expensive commitment that would have compromised our financial security. I get that people want to feel special or rationalize a big event, but I agree that if your family isn't shitting money or something to the point of making it trivial, it seems like kind of a silly idea.
Re: Why Marriage Is Increasingly for the Affluent
#18"The economic contract of marriage has shifted, and now young people are looking for financial stability before the wedding" This is just an excuse. Nobody ever had financial stability before a wedding in the past. Everyone I know had parents and grandparents that were dirt poor when they got married (including my own). I've been hearing about financial woes since 2000. I remember in 2005, people were complaining abo…
Tbh this just seems like a classic "my anecdote disputes the reality for many" without seemingly any qualifiers or nuance.
Nobody ever said it was impossible to buy a house in general in any geography with a sufficient salary and ability to service any amount of debt. In the city I live in, the ratio between median income and cost of any home was wildly, comically more favorable for boomers, to the point where if you aren't literally rich already, you need to go become a rare doctor and shack up with an L6+ engineer at booming tech company to pull it off, then maintain that income 'till it's paid off.
If two people want to get married or find it useful, they'll do so regardless, on that point we might agree, but many people in the past just did so because they accidentally got pregnant and might have felt internal or external pressure from family to get married and not abort. My grandparents were broke as hell and got married at their rural community center, that's just what people did then, they weren't about to stretch for something glamorous.
Many people now look at the decisions of their parents during whatever time it was, including with houses, and think "well this is what mom and dad did, and they're both broke and divorced now, so maybe lets not do that this time"
Re: Why Marriage Is Increasingly for the Affluent
#19Saw a friend's recent wedding video. It appears she hired a professional documentary film crew? Like there were multiple angles of the same events, Hollywood level production values etc.
It also seemed like she went down a checklist of "What to do in your wedding": the newlywed's funny walkout dance, throwing the bouquet, coastal scenery in the background.
The effect was to smack you over the head with "either her or his family is rich". Maybe that was the intended message?
And possibly relevant: she shared it on LinkedIn.
Re: Why Marriage Is Increasingly for the Affluent
#20Saw a friend's recent wedding video. It appears she hired a professional documentary film crew? Like there were multiple angles of the same events, Hollywood level production values etc. It also seemed like she went down a checklist of "What to do in your wedding": the newlywed's funny walkout dance, throwing the bouquet, coastal scenery in the background. The effect was to smack you over the head with "either her or…
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