I had a similar experience as a teen, where somehow I had never considered a sport or the gym because “that was not what people like me did, I was the nerdy one”. I didn’t really ever think that explicitly, or say it aloud, it was just an obvious implication on my mind. Turns out the only thing separating me from someone who is good at sports, or being buff, was doing it frequently and not half assed. Applies to most…
"that was not what people like me do" Is this kind of thinking normal? Kinda like looking into the world and going like "i must be like that specific thing over there"?
We seem to associate certain behaviours and patterns with categories of identity, and changing those behaviours in yourself implies an acceptance of that “other” identity.
I remember this distinctly about 20 years ago when I thought about not eating meat anymore. Choosing not to eat meat was easy, but “becoming a vegetarian” felt alien, and took some mental effort. I didn’t see myself as “one of those” people.
I suspect it has a lot to do with how important group identity is to us, as social primates, and how we tend to package one behaviour with a bunch of others. It’s like doing pushups will suddenly make you a “jock” (and maybe the irony is that, to a certain degree it will, as these thing tend to turn into slippery slopes).