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What does connecting with someone mean?

talk.bradwoods.io

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Re: What does connecting with someone mean?

#11

Post by sctb »

bovermyer wrote: post #6

I wonder where the line is between being willing to be vulnerable and oversharing.

I would suggest that, like many things, that line is dependent on all of the details of the situation. Because all of those subtle details (e.g. the mood, receptiveness, familiarity, interest, etc. of the other person and yourself) matter, you need to be able to take those in and respond accordingly. So you could say that a prerequisite for connection is something like "presence", the ability to give your full attention to the interaction itself. Or you could say that this is actually the essence of connection, and the conversation is an expression of that togetherness of presence.

Re: What does connecting with someone mean?

#12

Post by AnimalMuppet »

al_borland wrote: post #5
inezk wrote: post #3

Great insights. In US people do ask one another "how are you?", perhaps in a shallow way - but I think it's still an opener that can lead to more meaningful conversation. In Poland for instance, where I'm from, people don't ask "how are you?" one another - which slightly limits that opportunity. At the same time Europe as a whole has so much better work life balance which allows for many more outside work friends and…

I’m from the US. “How are you,” is indeed a very shallow question that expects a very shallow and prescriptive response. I’ve seen where people answer it honestly, and when they walk away the person asking says something to the effect of, “god, I didn’t need his whole life story.” Experiences like this make me more hesitant to answer honestly. The better you know someone, the more this rule starts to bend, but that d…

When someone says "How are you", I sometimes say "Crummy, but thanks for asking." I'm not oversharing, but I'm also not giving them a shallow, dishonest reply. I'm leaving the door open for a deeper conversation, but I'm not forcing it. Then it's up to them whether we just move on, or whether a real conversation happens.

Re: What does connecting with someone mean?

#13

Post by xelxebar »

bovermyer wrote: post #6

I wonder where the line is between being willing to be vulnerable and oversharing.

I don't think you can avoid risks and be vulnerable at the same time. It's a bit of a catch-22, I'll admit; oversharing can push people away, but the only way I know to figure it out is to fall, get back up, rinse, and repeat.

Re: What does connecting with someone mean?

#14

Post by andrepd »

inezk wrote: post #3

Great insights. In US people do ask one another "how are you?", perhaps in a shallow way - but I think it's still an opener that can lead to more meaningful conversation. In Poland for instance, where I'm from, people don't ask "how are you?" one another - which slightly limits that opportunity. At the same time Europe as a whole has so much better work life balance which allows for many more outside work friends and…

I wouldn't attach grand meanings to that. Most cultures in Europe do have a socially polite "how are you"/"ça va"/"tudo bem"/whatever to which you're expected to reply some variation of "I'm fine thank you" unless you are good friends and the question is meant sincerely.

Re: What does connecting with someone mean?

#15

Post by 4gotunameagain »

daymanstep wrote: post #8
nntwozz wrote: post #7

"It means mutual empathy — they get you and you get them. It's discovering similar values, experiences and perspectives. It's a feeling of trust and comfort where you both feel safe to say what is truly on your mind." Ah, sounds all fine and dandy! But what do you do when you discover you don't have similar values? Maybe there's no answer in todays polarized world; personally aspire to this: I don't like that man. I…

[flagged]

Using one of the most of extreme of examples to discredit an argument that is meant to bring unity, makes me not like you, and not wanting to know you better ;)_

Re: What does connecting with someone mean?

#17

Post by throwaway290 »

daymanstep wrote: post #8
nntwozz wrote: post #7

"It means mutual empathy — they get you and you get them. It's discovering similar values, experiences and perspectives. It's a feeling of trust and comfort where you both feel safe to say what is truly on your mind." Ah, sounds all fine and dandy! But what do you do when you discover you don't have similar values? Maybe there's no answer in todays polarized world; personally aspire to this: I don't like that man. I…

[flagged]

Maybe if you understand how that happened you would have an idea how to make the world have fewer people like that?

Re: What does connecting with someone mean?

#18

Post by astura »

bovermyer wrote: post #6

I wonder where the line is between being willing to be vulnerable and oversharing.

Just keep the conversation appropriate for time, place, and how well you know the person. That avoids oversharing.

For example, I overheard a conversation between two coworkers. One asked about a health issue and the other responded with this long drawn out story about an extremely gruesome injury with lots of details leaving everyone extremely uncomfortable. The other coworker complained about to me afterwards, because I overheard it.

He could have said "oh, I'm doing much better! Had a bad injury about six months ago that set me back some, but I'm healed up from that now, thankfully!"

Maybe there's a time and place to share the gruesome details, depending on who your friends are, but it's certainly not with a work acquaintance.

Re: What does connecting with someone mean?

#19

Post by doublerabbit »

al_borland wrote: post #5
inezk wrote: post #3

Great insights. In US people do ask one another "how are you?", perhaps in a shallow way - but I think it's still an opener that can lead to more meaningful conversation. In Poland for instance, where I'm from, people don't ask "how are you?" one another - which slightly limits that opportunity. At the same time Europe as a whole has so much better work life balance which allows for many more outside work friends and…

I’m from the US. “How are you,” is indeed a very shallow question that expects a very shallow and prescriptive response. I’ve seen where people answer it honestly, and when they walk away the person asking says something to the effect of, “god, I didn’t need his whole life story.” Experiences like this make me more hesitant to answer honestly. The better you know someone, the more this rule starts to bend, but that d…

I tend to use "how are you today on a scale of 10?" as an ice breaker.

This then allows you to open the question, as well gives choice to the person.

"Six is good, why a six?", "anything wrong, why a four? Et cetera

Re: What does connecting with someone mean?

#20

Post by hshshshshsh »

> A good place to start was to figure out what makes me happy. So, I wrote down the best experiences of my life so far. I came up with 20. 19 of them were experiences where I connected with people.

You are assuming you know what best experience you can experience by looking at the past. But this is not necessarily correct. Don't assume you know the answer. Try new things. Some of the best experiences come from within. Boy you would be surprised:)

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