Normal Boyhood Is ADHD

DHH is always amusing in that there are times when I think he's totally spot on, and there are times when I have to laugh and shake my head, as the words that he spouts sound intelligent, but are abjectly off-base. On the subject of ADHD, this feels squarely in the latter.

I received an ADHD diagnosis a few years ago, into my late 30's, after struggling through and relishing the superpowers of my own behavior. I was suspected of having AD(H)D as a kid, and was assessed but ultimately didn't get a diagnosis. It also turns out that, being a life long technologist, you put me in front of a computer to do an assessment and I will hyperfixate on it because I was given yet another opportunity to be between chair and keyboard. Wild.

I do find that medication helps me. So does structure, and external pressures that help conform me to a healthy routine. Most importantly though, I'm incredibly interest-driven. If I am uninterested in actually solving the problem, it requires moving mountains to convince me that I actually should. Medication is a tool that helps me to do things that suck with less mental effort.

It's not about wanting to eat stimulants for fun. Hell, aside from caffeine, I'd never had a stimulant before starting my meds. And yeah, when I first started taking it, I was high as a kite. But once I leveled off, the new normal was good. It's not a silver bullet - healthy habits, and setting myself up for success are essential, and no amount of meds compensate for when I fall out of a healthy groove. But it has helped.

I'm not a psychiatrist, let alone medically trained at all, so unlike DHH I don't feel like I'm capable of commenting as to whether ADHD diagnoses in kids and providing them access to medications is the right call. What I can say though is that had I had better support as a kid to learn self-reflection, I think I would have been more aware of what I needed to be successful and could have muscled through my younger years with a little less stress and confusion.

Spot on. I like to say that I never learned how to learn. I did and still can dig into a topic that I'm interested in, but might loose interest in it after a few months. I can see with my daughter's first years at school that the system has only slowly changed but at least it's so much easier for ADHD kids to get spotted and receive the treatment that I didn't get. My daughter (I'm a bit on the edge about whether or not she did inherit it) is allowed to put on noise cancelling head phones in class, it must be a bliss for her.

There's so much more that the individual can do, but they need a group around them for support and, to be blunt, monitoring. The system needs to improve (I refuse to use "change") and with how this whole manosphere shit is influencing our boys and teens, it needs some fixing fast. Am I the only one missing stoicism and clemency as I currently watch Adolescence?

> The ADHD self-diagnosis trend amongst adults also needs to stop. People are now ascribing any minor challenge in life to ADHD.

What do you mean by that, what specifically needs to stop? It's a "trend" that results from increased awareness about ADHD. This is massively helpful for people who have undiagnosed ADHD, but many people have sadly co-opted the term "ADHD" to describe any minor struggle, just like they did with OCD. This is a problem that sociologists might be able to tackle some day, but in most cases self-diagnosis is the first step to getting an actual diagnosis as an adult.

> Everyone procrastinates. Everyone forgets people’s names. Everyone has trouble focusing sometimes. It’s not ADHD, that’s called life.

Of course everyone does those things to some degree. It's ADHD when these and other challenges significantly affect multiple areas of your life, starting in childhood, and often including your private life.

> My worry is that by giving it a label, it lets people give in to negative behavior because “that’s just the way I am,” or “I’m neurodivergent.” But even people with severe emotional and behavioral challenges can navigate life. It’s not an excuse to be inconsiderate.

There a lot to unpack here. People with ADHD, autism, and many other disorders process information differently. It's a lot like interacting with someone from a very different cultural background, they might say something that you find rude, and you'll probably say something that they find rude.

Both of you are likely to be reasonably good people with good intentions but you'll probably end up offending each other sometimes, whether it's cultural or neurotype related.

The vast majority of people with ADHD and autism already try to fit into society that doesn't cater to them, e.g. by trying to strictly adhere to norms and expectations that are extremely difficult to adhere to due to cognitive differences inherent to these disorders (e.g. impulsivity with ADHD), because they disagree with these norms (think about petty laws you disagree with and break all the time), or perhaps just don't fully understand them.

This is called masking and it's often mentally and emotionally exhausting, frequently leading to severe burnout and depression which I think is quite a natural reaction when the rest of society constantly deems you to be "inconsiderate" or otherwise unacceptable even when you've been trying your best and don't have any bad intentions.

I think it's quite hypocritical and extremely inconsiderate to label people with ADHD or autism as "inconsiderate" without living a decade with their disorder.

Of course there are some people who will try to use their disorder (real or fake) to excuse their crappy behavior but that's in no way unique to ADHD. Worrying about whether people are using ADHD as an excuse for bad behavior makes as much sense as worrying about whether people in wheelchairs are faking it.