As someone who struggles with cycles of depression, but let's call it funk, I relate to the downward behavioral and thought spiral it can put you inside. Yet, inevitably, I DO get out of it. For me, it's been a combination of things, largely changes in the external environment that force internal action. I tried medication and eventually (after a painfully long time trying to find the right "fit") found some combinat…
It's hard to explain to people who only get sad what real depression can do. In my case exacerbated by childhood/early adulthood trauma and homelessness, as well as ADHD, bipolar type II, and tourettic OCD. Some insensitive people who think they are smarter than health researchers think that's just a string of labels, but anyone actually suffering from those afflictions understands that they are typically comorbid and can have aassive effect on the range of highs and lows experienced in just five minutes, much less a day or week.
My sister tried killing herself twice in the last two years. That situation financially drained me during a time when I'd just been forced out of a CTO position during a hostile takeover, and, among other circumstances, caused me to completely crash out. I stopped talking to everyone, dropped a lot of responsibilities and hobbies, and just retreated to my comforts for a year. Hardest wave of depression I've had since I was a child getting beaten regularly, or a young adult having immense existential crises around my future prospects.
I can already tell that it will take a dew years to become normal again. Just hoping this was my early midlife crisis and that things will cruise from here for a while.
I wish you the best, and my email inbox is always open if you want to chat.