11–20 of 69 posts
Hacker News: where we discuss advanced programming and elementary social skills. I wonder if there's somewhere out there where it's the reverse.
The "Countess Lovelace School of Young Ladies", where you learn proper ballroom etiquette and the language of the fan, plus a bit of SQL to work with your wardrobe database?
(Solving the "I've got nothing to wear" problem with a few self joins)
> When asked about flirting, most people – particularly men – focus on the verbal element: the ‘chatting-up’, the problems of knowing what to say, finding the right words, etc. In fact, the non- verbal element – body-language, tone of voice, etc. – is much more important, particularly in the initial stages of a flirtation. When you first meet new people, their initial impression of you will be based 55% on your appearance and body-language, 38% on your style of speaking and only 7% on what you actually say.
I can't be the only hacker in here who has wondered why a slickly produced shallow essay got more interest than the substantive essay printed on a static HTMl file set to 12 pt. Times New Roman/100% width. How Apple managed to succeed despite the respect of many an intelligent hardware enthusiast is a classic example.
This is partially related to attractiveness, yes, but all things being even, the presentation that is more thoughtfully welcome, accommodating, and empathetic...regardless of content...will have a surprisingly higher reach than we might expect
This all may be eye-rolling advice but some of it is still worth jogging the subconscious about: > When asked about flirting, most people – particularly men – focus on the verbal element: the ‘chatting-up’, the problems of knowing what to say, finding the right words, etc. In fact, the non- verbal element – body-language, tone of voice, etc. – is much more important, particularly in the initial stages of a flirtation…
I just read a couple of pages, and this is a great read. "If you are mainly looking for flirting opportunities, . . . . seek out clubs full of happy, sociable under-achievers." It's pure comedy gold, Jerry! Having said that: I hate to stereotype, but I find us geeks (men) to be pretty bad at flirting. I don't know if a 26-page tome will solve that problem or not....
Basic social science articles always read like they're written by Captain Obvious. "1. Do initiate flirtation with people of roughly the same level of attractiveness as yourself. 2. Don’t flirt with people who are unlikely to return your interest." But on the other hand, there's really no easy way out (writing about it, I mean). I've yet to find a more "practical" approach that doesn't read like either semi-useless a…
I know I'm a bit of an outlier, but it's sometimes good to be reminded that yes, you can try to flirt in this or that situation, or that X or Y are a good sign of flirting.
EDIT: Of course, this is mostly still good as a reminder, introduction, or to shatter misconceptions. The only way to really learn flirting, I've found, is the same as one would learn any other culture: by immersion. As someone whose approach to such things is less intuitive, immersion may be followed by analysis to extract explicit lessons from my experiences.
This all may be eye-rolling advice but some of it is still worth jogging the subconscious about: > When asked about flirting, most people – particularly men – focus on the verbal element: the ‘chatting-up’, the problems of knowing what to say, finding the right words, etc. In fact, the non- verbal element – body-language, tone of voice, etc. – is much more important, particularly in the initial stages of a flirtation…
AFAIK, the 7%-38%-55% rule has been debunked. See also:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Mehrabian#Misinterpretat...
Hacker News: where we discuss advanced programming and elementary social skills. I wonder if there's somewhere out there where it's the reverse.
This all may be eye-rolling advice but some of it is still worth jogging the subconscious about: > When asked about flirting, most people – particularly men – focus on the verbal element: the ‘chatting-up’, the problems of knowing what to say, finding the right words, etc. In fact, the non- verbal element – body-language, tone of voice, etc. – is much more important, particularly in the initial stages of a flirtation…
> their initial impression of you will be based 55% on your appearance and body-language, 38% on your style of speaking and only 7% on what you actually say. AFAIK, the 7%-38%-55% rule has been debunked. See also: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Mehrabian#Misinterpretat...
"Total Liking = 7% Verbal Liking + 38% Vocal Liking + 55% Facial Liking. Please note that this and other equations regarding relative importance of verbal and nonverbal messages were derived from experiments dealing with communications of feelings and attitudes (i.e., like–dislike). Unless a communicator is talking about their feelings or attitudes, these equations are not applicable. Also see references 286 and 305 in Silent Messages – these are the original sources of my findings."
I just read a couple of pages, and this is a great read. "If you are mainly looking for flirting opportunities, . . . . seek out clubs full of happy, sociable under-achievers." It's pure comedy gold, Jerry! Having said that: I hate to stereotype, but I find us geeks (men) to be pretty bad at flirting. I don't know if a 26-page tome will solve that problem or not....
Basic social science articles always read like they're written by Captain Obvious. "1. Do initiate flirtation with people of roughly the same level of attractiveness as yourself. 2. Don’t flirt with people who are unlikely to return your interest." But on the other hand, there's really no easy way out (writing about it, I mean). I've yet to find a more "practical" approach that doesn't read like either semi-useless a…
For shorter-term relationships (not implying anything), I've found best success with flirting with women considerably more attractive than myself. I've asked a number of my more attractive girlfriends why they were with an ugly schlub like myself and I get two common answers: Personality/humor/laid-backness is one, and the other is that it seems that the best looking ladies either don't get approached, or don't get approached with anything better than tired old pickup lines.
I do agree with their findings on pickup lines though. Some friends and I spent a few weeks testing out different ones (in the name of science, naturally), and I had, by a large margin, the most success with "Hi, I'm Barry. Can I buy you a drink?" -- obviously varied if I'm not somewhere I can buy a drink from.
tl;dr; Chrome's built-in PDF viewer has trouble with this file.