Are you an Asker or a Guesser? (2010) • Hacker News Board

Re: Are you an Asker or a Guesser? (2010)

#11

Post by corobo » Thu, Sep 07, 2023, 6:29 PM UTC

I wonder if there's any correlation, causation, whatever, between the guesser segment of the population and socially disrupting mental disorders. Autism, ADHD, etc.

Giving it a quick think with the people I know (given that I don't know the mental health status of people without diagnoses) it's an almost perfect split.

A secondary wonder comes in due to the theory of mind deficit that can come with those disorders - thinking, or guessing, that other people have the same information you do even if it's not been communicated https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theory_of_mind

Maybe sprinkle in some illusion of transparency too https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Illusion_of_transparency

Of course there are a billion other variables, just a possible pattern that popped into mind as I was reading the article.

It could just be that people who socialise less in general are more likely to become guessers possibly (Caveman programming: If you ask for something and get rejected you are risking your position in the tribe)

Re: Are you an Asker or a Guesser? (2010)

#12

Post by 0xfae » Thu, Sep 07, 2023, 6:30 PM UTC

dt3ft wrote: post #5

> This column will change your life Nope. Nothing changed. Where do I submit a formal complaint?

Did you read every article that's part of the column?

Does every advertisement or claim about a product upset you?

Re: Are you an Asker or a Guesser? (2010)

#13

Post by ycombinete » Thu, Sep 07, 2023, 6:31 PM UTC

dav_Oz wrote: post #7

While Japan is the most obvious "Guess culture" for Westerners. My favourite example of a "Guess culture" is that of Iranian taarof[0]: Another example occurs if a Western individual is not familiar with taarof in Iranian culture. When an Iranian individual is offering taarof, it is to first view it as a sincere offer with the hope of decline up to four or five times. If the individual offers more than five times, it…

This is common throughout the Middle East. Along with things like sincerely fighting to pay for the bill when going out to eat with friends.

It becomes part of the social game, and can be quite fun to take part in We move you start to understand the rules. But is confusing at hell if you’ve arrived from an Anglo culture.

Re: Are you an Asker or a Guesser? (2010)

#14

Post by unsupp0rted » Thu, Sep 07, 2023, 6:35 PM UTC

timeagain wrote: post #6

The article discusses how agonizing it must be for a guesser when they have to say no to something. But something I have been dealing with recently is actually the reverse—the resentment a guesser feels when told “no”. Because in their mind, they have done the math and think they have correctly deduced they should receive a “yes”. Forthwrmore, since they don’t like saying “no”, they project this on their rejector and…

A good guesser should realize that "no" is always a possibility.

Re: Are you an Asker or a Guesser? (2010)

#15

Post by zeku » Thu, Sep 07, 2023, 6:39 PM UTC

dav_Oz wrote: post #7

While Japan is the most obvious "Guess culture" for Westerners. My favourite example of a "Guess culture" is that of Iranian taarof[0]: Another example occurs if a Western individual is not familiar with taarof in Iranian culture. When an Iranian individual is offering taarof, it is to first view it as a sincere offer with the hope of decline up to four or five times. If the individual offers more than five times, it…

Interesting. In The US in The South(Southeastern US) when something is offered it's often polite to decline twice and then accept a third time if you actually want something being offered.

Re: Are you an Asker or a Guesser? (2010)

#16

Post by unsupp0rted » Thu, Sep 07, 2023, 6:40 PM UTC

dav_Oz wrote: post #7

While Japan is the most obvious "Guess culture" for Westerners. My favourite example of a "Guess culture" is that of Iranian taarof[0]: Another example occurs if a Western individual is not familiar with taarof in Iranian culture. When an Iranian individual is offering taarof, it is to first view it as a sincere offer with the hope of decline up to four or five times. If the individual offers more than five times, it…

That is laborious and prone to causing hurt feelings, pretty much no matter how it shakes out

Re: Are you an Asker or a Guesser? (2010)

#17

Post by OkayPhysicist » Thu, Sep 07, 2023, 6:55 PM UTC

0xfae wrote: post #10

dav_Oz wrote: post #7

While Japan is the most obvious "Guess culture" for Westerners. My favourite example of a "Guess culture" is that of Iranian taarof[0]: Another example occurs if a Western individual is not familiar with taarof in Iranian culture. When an Iranian individual is offering taarof, it is to first view it as a sincere offer with the hope of decline up to four or five times. If the individual offers more than five times, it…

As someone who grew up in America (typically ask culture) but also grew up in a very guess culture family, subculture and religion (Utah Mormons), this seems insane to me. I grew up guess culture so I understand it, but ask culture is so much clearer/concise/kinder in my opinion. Less likely to be misunderstood and build resentment, etc. The wikipedia article states the "Taarof is a ritual politeness that levels the…

If things are regularly being offered with the expectation that they'll be declined, or declined in expectation that they'll be eventually accepted, it allows for wiggle room where somebody can choose to break the social expectation, in effect burning some of their reputation in exchange for fulfilling a short-term need.

Re: Are you an Asker or a Guesser? (2010)

#18

Post by OkayPhysicist » Thu, Sep 07, 2023, 6:59 PM UTC

ycombinete wrote: post #13

dav_Oz wrote: post #7

While Japan is the most obvious "Guess culture" for Westerners. My favourite example of a "Guess culture" is that of Iranian taarof[0]: Another example occurs if a Western individual is not familiar with taarof in Iranian culture. When an Iranian individual is offering taarof, it is to first view it as a sincere offer with the hope of decline up to four or five times. If the individual offers more than five times, it…

This is common throughout the Middle East. Along with things like sincerely fighting to pay for the bill when going out to eat with friends. It becomes part of the social game, and can be quite fun to take part in We move you start to understand the rules. But is confusing at hell if you’ve arrived from an Anglo culture.

Fighting over who gets to pay the bill is pretty common among Anglo American groups, at least in my experience East coast middle-to-upper class social circles.

Re: Are you an Asker or a Guesser? (2010)

#19

Post by dang » Thu, Sep 07, 2023, 7:15 PM UTC

dt3ft wrote: post #5

> This column will change your life Nope. Nothing changed. Where do I submit a formal complaint?

"Please don't pick the most provocative thing in an article or post to complain about in the thread. Find something interesting to respond to instead."

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

Re: Are you an Asker or a Guesser? (2010)

#20

Post by k__ » Thu, Sep 07, 2023, 7:16 PM UTC

I guess.

I read docs, I read code, I read SO questions, I read forum posts, I read blog posts, I read chat histories, I read GitHub issues.

And then, after I lost 1h-20h I ask someone.

Why?

When I started programming, people didn't help me. They were angry when I didn't know things. They laughed at me when I didn't know things. They explained things very badly. They didn't have time to explain things. They didn't know what they were doing themselves.