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Ask HN: As a caregiver how to achieve things

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Re: Ask HN: As a caregiver how to achieve things

#11

Post by theGnuMe »

Hermitian909 wrote: post #6

I'm so sorry you're going through this, I've been there. Thoughts in order from most to least palatable: 1. Try your best to lean on friends and family if possible, nothing else will help you reclaim as much time. Don't be afraid to get aggressive here, you guys are struggling, let people know. 2. Ask yourself if you can invest in hiring help around the house: cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc. If this buys the time to…

You do not have to get divorced to not pay a deceased spouse's bills or be responsible for them unless you signed that you would agree to be responsible and you don't have to sign that.

Re: Ask HN: As a caregiver how to achieve things

#12

Post by comprev »

Hermitian909 wrote: post #6

I'm so sorry you're going through this, I've been there. Thoughts in order from most to least palatable: 1. Try your best to lean on friends and family if possible, nothing else will help you reclaim as much time. Don't be afraid to get aggressive here, you guys are struggling, let people know. 2. Ask yourself if you can invest in hiring help around the house: cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc. If this buys the time to…

Getting divorced goes against the promise of being there "through better or worse, in sickness and in health".

That's a brutal suggestion even if your intentions were good!

Re: Ask HN: As a caregiver how to achieve things

#13

Post by comprev »

mpnagle wrote: post #2

I had a fantastic job while taking care of my Dad towards the end of his life. Emergencies would come up that required me to fly to him (he was in Boston in assisted living and nursing homes, I was in the Bay) and the company and my manager were so understanding about it. I think a job where it's understood that you may have to take a day off with very little notice, or more, will go a long way to everyone's peace of…

It also shows compassion at a difficult time and something you're unlikely to forget.

Prior to the need you might be already planning the next job move. Now you might be planning the next decade at the same employer because of how they treated you.

Re: Ask HN: As a caregiver how to achieve things

#14

Post by toast0 »

theGnuMe wrote: post #11
Hermitian909 wrote: post #6

I'm so sorry you're going through this, I've been there. Thoughts in order from most to least palatable: 1. Try your best to lean on friends and family if possible, nothing else will help you reclaim as much time. Don't be afraid to get aggressive here, you guys are struggling, let people know. 2. Ask yourself if you can invest in hiring help around the house: cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc. If this buys the time to…

You do not have to get divorced to not pay a deceased spouse's bills or be responsible for them unless you signed that you would agree to be responsible and you don't have to sign that.

That's going to depend on the state the debt is incured in. In states without community property, the spouse is probably not liable. In states with community property, it depends, some states will consider medical debt a personal debt and some consider it a community debt.

If this is something under serious consideration, it's worth a consulation with a subject matter expert and not just random internet people. Also, divorce may affect immigration status, which seems to be in play as well; and it may make visitation more difficult, although you might just not tell medical facilities about the divorce.

Re: Ask HN: As a caregiver how to achieve things

#15

Post by toomuchtodo »

comprev wrote: post #12
Hermitian909 wrote: post #6

I'm so sorry you're going through this, I've been there. Thoughts in order from most to least palatable: 1. Try your best to lean on friends and family if possible, nothing else will help you reclaim as much time. Don't be afraid to get aggressive here, you guys are struggling, let people know. 2. Ask yourself if you can invest in hiring help around the house: cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc. If this buys the time to…

Getting divorced goes against the promise of being there "through better or worse, in sickness and in health". That's a brutal suggestion even if your intentions were good!

The divorce is to firewall creditors chasing OP for post death medical debt. It’s not for lack of love, but because America.

OP should talk to an attorney familiar with creditor and estate law.

Re: Ask HN: As a caregiver how to achieve things

#16

Post by cjbprime »

comprev wrote: post #12
Hermitian909 wrote: post #6

I'm so sorry you're going through this, I've been there. Thoughts in order from most to least palatable: 1. Try your best to lean on friends and family if possible, nothing else will help you reclaim as much time. Don't be afraid to get aggressive here, you guys are struggling, let people know. 2. Ask yourself if you can invest in hiring help around the house: cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc. If this buys the time to…

Getting divorced goes against the promise of being there "through better or worse, in sickness and in health". That's a brutal suggestion even if your intentions were good!

Why is it brutal? The legal status is just a document; the commitment to mutual care still seems present and honored. Why would it be honoring that commitment to leave one spouse in extreme medical debt, and the other spouse with the guilt of that?

(If you read "may want to divorce to avoid their medical bills" as "you should break up with them", I don't think you interpreted the suggestion correctly.)

Re: Ask HN: As a caregiver how to achieve things

#17

Post by dumy55 »

toast0 wrote: post #14
theGnuMe wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You do not have to get divorced to not pay a deceased spouse's bills or be responsible for them unless you signed that you would agree to be responsible and you don't have to sign that.

That's going to depend on the state the debt is incured in. In states without community property, the spouse is probably not liable. In states with community property, it depends, some states will consider medical debt a personal debt and some consider it a community debt. If this is something under serious consideration, it's worth a consulation with a subject matter expert and not just random internet people. Also,…

Divorce is not an option, I will consult a lawyer specialized in this.

Re: Ask HN: As a caregiver how to achieve things

#18

Post by dumy55 »

toomuchtodo wrote: post #15
comprev wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Getting divorced goes against the promise of being there "through better or worse, in sickness and in health". That's a brutal suggestion even if your intentions were good!

The divorce is to firewall creditors chasing OP for post death medical debt. It’s not for lack of love, but because America. OP should talk to an attorney familiar with creditor and estate law.

Thanks,I will consult a lawyer

Re: Ask HN: As a caregiver how to achieve things

#19

Post by dumy55 »

mpnagle wrote: post #2

I had a fantastic job while taking care of my Dad towards the end of his life. Emergencies would come up that required me to fly to him (he was in Boston in assisted living and nursing homes, I was in the Bay) and the company and my manager were so understanding about it. I think a job where it's understood that you may have to take a day off with very little notice, or more, will go a long way to everyone's peace of…

My employer is supportive too, I was able to take long leave and also last minute days-offs. I will think though this and thanks!

Re: Ask HN: As a caregiver how to achieve things

#20

Post by dumy55 »

theGnuMe wrote: post #10

I would worry less about the money, things usually work out. You also need to identify all of your options. Does your partner now qualify for SSI, disability and/or Medicaid? If they do get Medicaid. Otherwise the Affordable Care Act will limit your/their financial exposure as well. Next, you need to build a support system of friends and possibly family (if they can come over for a time to help). https://www.usa.gov/…

My partner is not eligible for SSI, disability or Medicaid because of immigration status. I will check about Affordable Care Act, but currently we are on employer provided health insurance plan.

I will go through the link you have posed and check the state resources too. Have not heard of personal care assistants before, but will find out more.

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