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> “Hey, I heard about the news. I don’t have the right words and please don’t feel obligated to reply. Just know that if I can do something, big or small, now or in the future, I’m just a text away.” i like this
"learn to code" but what do you (not) say to a programmer who got fired?
Or maybe "use the time off to set up a Kubernetes cluster"
Very well written and so true. For myself, I have trouble dealing with people who want (need?) to prove they're here. Most of the time, they are overdoing it, and it is clear that it's about themselves. Just see if people are responsive to your "support". Otherwise, You're just making it worse.
Tell your friends that you're there for them before shit hits the fan. Stop and take a moment - who of your friends and family do you know has your back right now? And who of your friends and family knows you have their back? If those lists aren't what they should be, NOW is the time to work on fixing that, not when all hell has broken loose.
It's not perfect, but you can go a long way with something like the above: unqualified acknowledgement, interest in their well-being, offer of support with an example, and a non-pushy offer to have some company/fun/distraction. Swap in specific phrasing as you'd like.
A vague offer of help, many people will never make use of. "If there's anything I can do..." often doesn't quite signal "if there's _anything_" so much as a concrete offer of the time, effort, or money you're willing to put in to help out. Even if it's not quite what will help them, you've signalled you're e.g. willing to spend 8 hours and $1000. It's a lot easier to ask for something else, comparable, and know it's within reason. Otherwise, most people won't impose on you for anything major.
I'd edit to: “Hey, I heard about the news. I don’t have the right words and please don’t feel obligated to reply. Just know that if I can do something, big or small, now or in the future, I'd be glad to. For example, I'd be glad to ____ or ____. If you'd like to talk, I'm a phone call away, or I'd be glad to bring dinner over tomorrow, if you'd like to chat.”
Much of this has a cultural component too. Some of the above might be too much in the US and too little in more collectivist cultures.
Tell your friends that you're there for them before shit hits the fan. Stop and take a moment - who of your friends and family do you know has your back right now? And who of your friends and family knows you have their back? If those lists aren't what they should be, NOW is the time to work on fixing that, not when all hell has broken loose.
This is good advice, but it shouldn't stop you from reaching out to people during and after a crisis. Sometimes you don't find out who your allies are until the road gets bumpy.
"learn to code" but what do you (not) say to a programmer who got fired?
That suggestion is even more important when talking to a laid-off programmer
That person recommended coding exercises in all seriousness because of the chaos at their bigco.
