Simplify your life. Start with a purge, get rid of stuff that clutters your life (including digital clutter) and make room for deliberate experiences. Go on walks, day hikes and spend more time outdoors.
Getting Out of a Rut
11–20 of 117 posts
Re: Getting Out of a Rut
#12Almost always watching a screen this isn’t great. Technical problems small but still need to fight bear. Mr Miyagi San.
Re: Getting Out of a Rut
#13Scrolling through online feeds is an addiction.
Best thing seems to be to go cold turkey. Instead you could do something meditative (e.g. taking walks, sports) or something that allows you to enter a flow state (e.g. reading a book).
Getting out of bed can be difficult, so it's best done out of habit and without thinking.
Some pointers
Anna Lembke On The Neuroscience of Addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jziP0CEgvOw
Implementation intentions to form new habits: https://sites.google.com/site/unlvhowtolearn/implementation-...
Re: Getting Out of a Rut
#14Cleanup your room. Cleanup your appearance (hair, beard, cloths, etc). Taking care of yourself reaffirms to your brain that you value yourself, and will get you moving again in the right direction. If I may "guess" what's going on: You are becoming a father but you weren't planning on it, or the mother is not the right person for you, but you feel obligated and so you have no choice? First of all, you always have a c…
I also sugested this but as decluttering. I’ve done it years ago, my house is now emptyish, less furniture too as well as less stuff in general including the digital realm as well.
Re: Getting Out of a Rut
#15Scrolling through online feeds is an addiction. Best thing seems to be to go cold turkey. Instead you could do something meditative (e.g. taking walks, sports) or something that allows you to enter a flow state (e.g. reading a book). Getting out of bed can be difficult, so it's best done out of habit and without thinking. Some pointers Anna Lembke On The Neuroscience of Addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jziP…
Oh, and one thing to keep in mind is that motivation follows action. Just do something (or in your case, stop doing something) for a while and you'll start to enjoy it.
Re: Getting Out of a Rut
#16Welcome to depression. You are burned out and fighting for a dopamine hit, hence the overindulgence. From time to time you become motivated to change, which too becomes a source of dopamine, dreaming about doing it, but never following through, because you never have the energy, and motivation is just as fleeting as the high you get from porn, games and food is.
The first thing you can do for yourself is changing your environment, or at least your routine, to as significant degree as you are able to, to avoid those frequently taken pathways in your brain that are wired to familiar signals. Non-familiar is your friend. Becoming a father should be able to help with that. We are highly affected by context, so fixing your room and your appearance will also help.
The second thing you can do yourself is introspection. You have to start to face the music, no matter how painful. You can't run away from your problems Shinji. To be able to deal with them, you have to identify them. Know thyself. This is where a psychologist can be helpful.
The catch is that both of these takes energy, support even, so don't fret if you keep failing, but don't give up either, escapism is not the answer. I have a useful tactic for bridging the intention-action gap:
1. Make it easy (effort) by increasing your ability to act or minimizing cost. Tiny steps, worth doing badly.
2. Make it attractive (reward, incentive), increasing motivation by highlighting benefits.
3. Make it timely.
Time and effort discounts the value of reward. We are wired to obtain rewards as soon as possible, spending the least amount of energy. The solution is to think big in the long-term, but small in the short-term. The cumulative effect takes care of the rest.
Besides this tactic of how to act, you need a strategy (what to do, what not to do, how to avoid bad cumulative effects, how to promote good ones) and a direction (how you perceive reality, flexibility, self-compassion helps here, as do a psychologist).
Again, don't forget, motivation is temporary. Small changes and improvements every day are cumulative. It still takes energy, support even, which is where fitness, sports, talking to the people in your life, making new friends can help. You can't always do it on your own.
Re: Getting Out of a Rut
#17Welcome to depression. You are burned out and fighting for a dopamine hit, hence the overindulgence. From time to time you become motivated to change, which too becomes a source of dopamine, dreaming about doing it, but never following through, because you never have the energy, and motivation is just as fleeting as the high you get from porn, games and food is. The first thing you can do for yourself is changing you…
I think these are good pieces of advice, though I'd also add reaching out to trusted friends, family, and/or partner(s) to tell them about the situation
Something like "I think I have a depression. I want to get better I need support to do that. Could you help me by being a body double/help me clean my apartment/whatever?"
Involving other people creates accountability, which can help with the motivation on rough days
Finally, I'd also recommend seeing a mental health professional to determine if it's necessary to get treatment (which could be cognitive therapy, medication, or a mixture of both)
Re: Getting Out of a Rut
#18Welcome to depression. You are burned out and fighting for a dopamine hit, hence the overindulgence. From time to time you become motivated to change, which too becomes a source of dopamine, dreaming about doing it, but never following through, because you never have the energy, and motivation is just as fleeting as the high you get from porn, games and food is. The first thing you can do for yourself is changing you…
I am a victim of bursts of motivation and then suddenly I have zero energy to keep up with what I have been doing which was good for me. And then I slowly slip into the bad habits I thought I had gotten rid off and then motivation comes back and the vicious circle continues.
I read about how important energy is, how energy management is key to everything. And the best way I read is to manage energy and not crash by the end of the day which can give that balance you need to keep going everyday without wavering from your goal(s).
But I seldom read about how to replenish energy effectively or how to have enough energy that by the end of the day you don't crash but have enough energy to keep doing things you want to do.
Re: Getting Out of a Rut
#19Look in the mirror. Lay on the bed and stare at the ceiling. Phone an older relative, reflect on the history of your family. Stare outside the window. Take a walk through the town or the city; people-watch; understand that mostly everyone else feels the exact same way that you do, they just have better ways at masking it; you may be suggesting masks right now in fact.
Ask yourself honestly: What are the trends that characterize the strengths and weaknesses of my family’s lineage? What are the cycles? How do I break them? How do I organize around a new one that will protect my own children from how I feel? What is the objective for humanity, truly? Are we to merely eat, accumulate wealth, frolic and procreate like hares and squirrels? Protest, program and attempt to prolong our inevitable in-existence on earth?
Re: Getting Out of a Rut
#20Cleanup your room. Cleanup your appearance (hair, beard, cloths, etc). Taking care of yourself reaffirms to your brain that you value yourself, and will get you moving again in the right direction. If I may "guess" what's going on: You are becoming a father but you weren't planning on it, or the mother is not the right person for you, but you feel obligated and so you have no choice? First of all, you always have a c…
I also sugested this but as decluttering. I’ve done it years ago, my house is now emptyish, less furniture too as well as less stuff in general including the digital realm as well.
Yea the biggest source of messiness is people not throwing out stuff they don't need. They think they "lose" something by throwing it out. In fact they are losing unimaginably by keeping garbage laying around.