Care less.
Ask HN: How to be less opinionated?
11–20 of 118 posts
Re: Ask HN: How to be less opinionated?
#12Read "how to win friends and influence people". You can be strongly opinionated but avoid the "expressing" part. If someone you're talking to is wrong it isn't your job to change their mind.
Re: Ask HN: How to be less opinionated?
#13A lot of context lacks here. Is this in the workplace? In your life?
As other commenters have said, sometimes being less opinionated isn't good. There are some core principles that you maintain strongly.
But, if you really want to be less opinionated in a certain aspect, try to understand why would someone have a different opinion, in a compassionate way (that is, if your conclusion is "someone having X opinion must be ignorant/careless/evil" or something to that effect, you're doing it wrong). Usually, trying to put yourself in a mental situation where you'd have a different opinion will reveal arguments that you didn't consider before.
Re: Ask HN: How to be less opinionated?
#14Great question - I've struggled with the opposite, not being opinionated 'enough'.
I've noticed I tend to have more faith in other people's convictions than my own, assuming, essentially, if they believe in something, there must be a great reason behind it
My own opinions tend to be weakly expressed & weakly held. It's usually been good, allowing me to listen and understand others. However, growing in career, I feel my opinions not taken as seriously because the perception of their weakness.
What I've tried, maybe the reverse of it might be helpful:
1. Consciously reflecting that other people have roughly similar amount of self-doubt, even if they don't express it. Even if they present opinions strongly, it doesn't necessarily mean these are right.
2. Lowering the bar for going from 'this might possibly be..' to 'i think this is..' to 'this is..' --- that has been very uncomfortable, and still is depending on the audience.
I love working with peers who don't over-sell their opinions, but have adjusted to have a more equal playing field with those who are more opinionated (both kinds are great people).
+1 to the mention of curiousity elsewhere in the thread - realizing there are many ways to look at anything, all 'right' to some definition of the word based on the person's background and context, can be quite liberating, a fight for being right becomes a journey to understand better how people work.
My 2c, not strong opinions :)
Re: Ask HN: How to be less opinionated?
#15Self examination is the only way really. Why do you feel the way you do about X? What are your own biases? What are your own baked in assumptions? What details do you not actually know, but are allowing yourself to assume? Think about things which you have a strong suspicion are true, but for which you do not actually have ironclad proof. For example, why did the person in front of you run a red light? Maybe they were late for work because they have poor planning. That might even be likely. But you don't know. Maybe their spouse had an accident and they are rushing to the hospital. Less likely, but still possible. Again you don't know. Why have an opinion about something which you cannot know?
Re: Ask HN: How to be less opinionated?
#16I’m going to jump to the conclusion that being opinionated is somehow negative socially for you? Or do you have another motivation?
If that the case I’d suggest - Keep the opinions - but add in curiosity.
Re: Ask HN: How to be less opinionated?
#17Paul Graham wrote a great essay that's related to this: keep your identity small http://www.paulgraham.com/identity.html
Re: Ask HN: How to be less opinionated?
#18Remain curious
Re: Ask HN: How to be less opinionated?
#19Before we get started, what is a “strong idea” anyway?
Re: Ask HN: How to be less opinionated?
#20Had a manager who emphasized the mantra for our team. “Strong opinions, loosely held”.
Over time I’ve come to appreciate this more and more. The “loosely held” portion is important for allowing respectful differences of opinion and building a team together. But the “strong opinions” portion is equally important. You should be opinionated and understand why you hold those opinions and be able to defend them. But also learn to hear dissenting viewpoints and value them too.