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When families un-adopt a child (2018)

theatlantic.com

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Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#11

Post by dahdum »

ftyers wrote: post #4

I really didn't get this part: > But according to the information provided by her parents, “This family has drastically changed their lifestyle and have left their faith and extended family for a quiet, secluded life.” It is their hope that “a different family will step forward who can provide her with the socialization and continued relationship with God that she desires.” So they're saying that they are getting rid…

It sounds a bit like the family might have been ostracized from their church, friends, and extended family after leaving their faith. Those relationships may have been critical to the child's wellbeing, covering up poor parent/sibling relations. Or losing them caused behavioral issues all around.

Just speculation of course. My gut says if we knew all the details we'd have a harder time passing judgement on the parents.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#12

Post by gene91 »

tpmx wrote: post #5

I just can't get over the fact that it's somehow legal in the US to advertise young children for adoption on the (public) web, complete with portrait photos and descriptions of their personalities and backgrounds.

What’s the alternative? I assume that you’re not suggesting that one signs up for adoption and gets assigned a random child. So the alternative is agents with access to the inventory (children) and clients (potential parents). I don’t understand why that’s better than letting clients browsing inventory by themselves.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#13

Post by magneticnorth »

xwdv wrote: post #10
ftyers wrote: post #4

I really didn't get this part: > But according to the information provided by her parents, “This family has drastically changed their lifestyle and have left their faith and extended family for a quiet, secluded life.” It is their hope that “a different family will step forward who can provide her with the socialization and continued relationship with God that she desires.” So they're saying that they are getting rid…

A child starts getting very expensive after age 10. Most likely, this child had served its purpose in their lives and the parents are done with their parenthood phase. It is time for someone else to take over while they travel the world and enjoy the finer things in life child free. It is possible they were just pressured into being parents by their extended family, but they didn’t really want to be.

It's even more heart-breaking than that - this girl is the youngest of 4 daughters. Her 3 older sisters are biological children and presumably are being kept by the parents.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#14

Post by dymk »

gene91 wrote: post #12
tpmx wrote: post #5

I just can't get over the fact that it's somehow legal in the US to advertise young children for adoption on the (public) web, complete with portrait photos and descriptions of their personalities and backgrounds.

What’s the alternative? I assume that you’re not suggesting that one signs up for adoption and gets assigned a random child. So the alternative is agents with access to the inventory (children) and clients (potential parents). I don’t understand why that’s better than letting clients browsing inventory by themselves.

Referring to children as "inventory" is implies all sorts of negative things. Adoption isn't the same as a transaction where you peruse the "inventory" for a new hot tub or something.

Those interested in adoption should be _so_ interested, that they're willing to go meet in-person with an agency who can introduce them to the children.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#15

Post by ftyers »

dahdum wrote: post #11
ftyers wrote: post #4

I really didn't get this part: > But according to the information provided by her parents, “This family has drastically changed their lifestyle and have left their faith and extended family for a quiet, secluded life.” It is their hope that “a different family will step forward who can provide her with the socialization and continued relationship with God that she desires.” So they're saying that they are getting rid…

It sounds a bit like the family might have been ostracized from their church, friends, and extended family after leaving their faith. Those relationships may have been critical to the child's wellbeing, covering up poor parent/sibling relations. Or losing them caused behavioral issues all around. Just speculation of course. My gut says if we knew all the details we'd have a harder time passing judgement on the parent…

According to the article:

> In other posts with more pictures, the reader learns that Reese is the youngest of four daughters; the other three are the biological children of her parents. She gets straight A’s. She loves her parents and her sisters.

But I agree, I wasn't passing judgement, I just thought that the motivation was a bit specious, and to specifically call out personal religious preference when talking about a 10 year old is super weird.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#16

Post by ipaddr »

tpmx wrote: post #5

I just can't get over the fact that it's somehow legal in the US to advertise young children for adoption on the (public) web, complete with portrait photos and descriptions of their personalities and backgrounds.

Advertising to the biggest audience means the greater the choice between parents for the kid. This isn't a bad strategy. If more people got facebook ads for kids they could adopt there would be more placement.

The privacy question is based on permission from the parent. Many kids model and similiar bios would be available in that setting available publically.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#18

Post by spaetzleesser »

ipaddr wrote: post #16
tpmx wrote: post #5

I just can't get over the fact that it's somehow legal in the US to advertise young children for adoption on the (public) web, complete with portrait photos and descriptions of their personalities and backgrounds.

Advertising to the biggest audience means the greater the choice between parents for the kid. This isn't a bad strategy. If more people got facebook ads for kids they could adopt there would be more placement. The privacy question is based on permission from the parent. Many kids model and similiar bios would be available in that setting available publically.

“If more people got facebook ads for kids they could adopt there would be more placement.”

I remember talking to a couple who had adopted a child. They told me that there would be more placement if the process wasn’t as difficult and insanely expensive as it is now. A lot of people who want to adopt a child are basically forced to go to foreign countries because it’s too hard at home in the US. No need for Facebook ads.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#19

Post by song »

oneoff786 wrote: post #8
ftyers wrote: post #4

I really didn't get this part: > But according to the information provided by her parents, “This family has drastically changed their lifestyle and have left their faith and extended family for a quiet, secluded life.” It is their hope that “a different family will step forward who can provide her with the socialization and continued relationship with God that she desires.” So they're saying that they are getting rid…

The bigger red flag there is leaving their extended family for a secluded life imo. This has a wide range of possible interpretations.

This kind of sounds like the parents joined a cult... The secluded life, leaving extended family...

Of course, pure speculation, but this way of writing reminds me of what I've heard in the past from people in cults.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#20

Post by ipaddr »

dymk wrote: post #14
gene91 wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What’s the alternative? I assume that you’re not suggesting that one signs up for adoption and gets assigned a random child. So the alternative is agents with access to the inventory (children) and clients (potential parents). I don’t understand why that’s better than letting clients browsing inventory by themselves.

Referring to children as "inventory" is implies all sorts of negative things. Adoption isn't the same as a transaction where you peruse the "inventory" for a new hot tub or something. Those interested in adoption should be _so_ interested, that they're willing to go meet in-person with an agency who can introduce them to the children.

The biggest problem agencies have is getting parents to come down. By advertising with pictures people will emotionally bond with a specific child which will prompt them to go through the long, expensive agency adoption process.

Charities use images of children to sell the charity.

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