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Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#11

Post by justbrowsingthx »

kkoncevicius wrote: post #3

In your situation I would start some kind of psychological therapy. You have a substantial amount of money so find someone competent. I started going to therapy when I was 35 as well, and my therapist said that for the first-time clients this is the most common age group, as defence mechanism that were working when people were young start to break down. Based on what you wrote - sounds exactly what might be happening…

Would you elaborate on what you mean by defense mechanisms in this case? I'm guessing it's on a psychological level, but unsure against what exactly.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#12

Post by insickness »

> feeling less excited about everything

This may be a symptom of depression. It's called anhedonia, where people feel reduced motivation or an inability to feel pleasure. Many people feel depressed without feeling the typical symptoms of depression, like sadness.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#13

Post by amznbyebyebye »

Wow I’m the same age and could have written a similar post. The good news for you is you still can experience a relationship, have kids and get to do all of that. Find a hobby or interest that you’re passionate about (this has to come from your soul) and then just apply your passion towards that, try and be good at it so you stand out and then besides being fulfilling, if you’re any decent at it, it will help you find a mate. And then you can get married, have kids, and in five years come back and write another post about how you’re as lost as you were at 35 except holding your son or daughters hand and going out for ice cream every now and then makes things a little more pleasant.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#14

Post by scotty79 »

justbrowsingthx wrote: post #11
kkoncevicius wrote: post #3

In your situation I would start some kind of psychological therapy. You have a substantial amount of money so find someone competent. I started going to therapy when I was 35 as well, and my therapist said that for the first-time clients this is the most common age group, as defence mechanism that were working when people were young start to break down. Based on what you wrote - sounds exactly what might be happening…

Would you elaborate on what you mean by defense mechanisms in this case? I'm guessing it's on a psychological level, but unsure against what exactly.

Against existential dread maybe? Against awareness of lack of meaning?

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#15

Post by curiousgal »

jtthe13 wrote: post #10

42 y.o. Here. I put it in perspective, try to stay reasonably healthy, and live by the mantra "Never lament getting old. It's a privilege denied to many." Giving back to younger generations is also very rewarding.

Hey it's me your younger generations.

Seriously though, I take special pleasure in helping people directly. Giving to charity helps but getting to know people and giving a hand directly is even more rewarding I've found.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#17

Post by luxurytent »

What I’m reading from this with no other context:

Bored and or depressed because of few to no socially engaging connections in life.

Probably amplified by being stuck inside due to the pandemic.

Did some cool stuff in their 20s but realizing they’ve done “nothing” for the past five.

Sounds like it’s time to get on a plane and enjoy an adventure. Meet some fun people, have fun, and enjoy the life you’ve built.

Then when you land home try to transfer some of that energy towards expanding your social circle, maybe go dating, etc.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#18

Post by kkoncevicius »

justbrowsingthx wrote: post #11
kkoncevicius wrote: post #3

In your situation I would start some kind of psychological therapy. You have a substantial amount of money so find someone competent. I started going to therapy when I was 35 as well, and my therapist said that for the first-time clients this is the most common age group, as defence mechanism that were working when people were young start to break down. Based on what you wrote - sounds exactly what might be happening…

Would you elaborate on what you mean by defense mechanisms in this case? I'm guessing it's on a psychological level, but unsure against what exactly.

Defence mechanism defines how a person deals with stress and anxiety [1].

For example one common defence mechanism among younger intellectual types is rationalisation [2]. A person might get asked why they don't have children and respond with something like "I don't have the money, today children are so expensive", or "I enjoy my free time too much to be bothered with children", or "there are already too many humans on the planet, I don't want to make the problem worse", etc. But in their subconscious the fact everyone around them starts having children while they don't might silently be causing anxiety. When a person gets older such rationalisations can break down, i.e. "I enjoy my free time too much" might not work when you are 35 and start to feel lonely, so the stress that was once suppressed by a defence mechanism rises up.

That's just my layman's understanding of it.

[1]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defence_mechanism

[2]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rationalization_(psychology)

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