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I miss hard work. The need to go outside and get things done. My teenage self never would’ve thought I’d be 30 missing old rural Virginia and free lands, while sleeping in an overpriced brick enclosure near DC.
I would advise cutting back and building up slowly. Stay on-grid (if possible), buy as much food from the grocery store as needed, keep your job (if possible). Then, if things get easier, slowly ramp up your self-sufficiency.
Could you provide a description of what you mean by 'homesteading'? Are we talking buy a small farm and try to live off grid?
First time I've heard this term as well.
For example, if you did it due to an ingrained sense of moral responsibility, your current feelings may be temporary and you’ll get through them if you stick to it or hang out with different friends which align closer to your values.
If you did it because it looked like a fun challenge but ended up being more than you can take, the solution may be to abandon the experiment.
Perhaps it’s a mix of both, in which case maybe you can cut back without doing a complete reversal or hire someone to help with the hardest parts.
You mentioned YouTube and Amazon, but not local people in similar situations. Is there no one geographically close to you, a neighbour with a similar setup, you could talk to?
* https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/the-sunk-cost-fallacy/
* https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunk_cost
Decide whether you're getting any kind of "value" from what you're doing, and take a direction from there. What's done is done, and it shouldn't have any bearing on what to do next.
Could you provide a description of what you mean by 'homesteading'? Are we talking buy a small farm and try to live off grid?
Now, do I enjoy nature and want to live away from the city? Yes, yes I do, but I don’t need to homestead to do that.
Cities work great for many people, there’s no denying that. The main question should be what works for you, rather than anything else.
It seems you're not enjoying it, cut your losses and end it.
I'm sure there's many people out there ready to jump onto the homesteading wagon and pick up where this person left off. That is of course if they haven't already done so much that there's nothing interesting left to do.