Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

It always feels grass is greener on the side. All the people paying mortgages and changing diapers also think have they made wrong choices and is their current life making them happy .

Becoming happy in one's life is an internal journey it has little do with it social life /career /family/wealth we have or don't.

Religion /cults / self improvement /therapy (some types) are all businesses that that thrive on selling their flavour solution to the problem. Maybe they even work for some.

It is hard to say what works best for anyone.

I find learning new tech/writing more code I want to write rather than what someone pays me to do helps.

Sometimes even spending weekends cleaning up/refactoring even code from work makes my work week feel way better and less stressed.

I don't remember the exact quote, but Pratchett suggested ( if you are willing to listen to strangers on the net ), and I happen to agree, that focusing on looks is a fools errand. Looks fade. Kisses get less enticing. Cooking skills only get better.

I remember my 20s and 30s through a haze of various mistakes. Eventually, I decided enough is enough and opted for 'boring' and 'normal', because, as it turns out, I am pretty boring. Is it possible that you simply did not reach your limit when it comes to hedonistic endeavors?

Take some time to do some true introspection and consider obtaining a therapist. What are you are living is a common human experience.

1. Your outlook seems quite negative and judgmental. Start there. Acceptance is key.

2. It’s hard to be at peace with others and find enjoyment in life if you’re not at peace with yourself. Do not judge yourself and your feelings but recognize that you will need to commit to change if you truly want it.

For me personally, my happiness is rooted in gratitude. Thankfulness that I’ve been born at the time I was born and inhabiting the space of loving, imperfect people who care for me. My life is much better than what my parents, grandparents and great-grandparents experienced. I am the culmination of their sacrifice and perseverance. I am their dreams come true. This is my North Star that strengthens me when I’m down and helps me remain empathetic and open to others. Be a good friend to others; and you will find they will be friendly to you.

The good news is it sounds like you have absolutely nothing.

How I would love to move to Taiwan or Vietnam for six months making my current salary and work remote right now.

Or even one month.

Wouldn’t it be fun to go to Europe, take a train across the continent and work on a laptop.

Or an Airbnb in Barbados.

Who convinced you that you have to stay in this little box at a time when developer jobs are in unlimited supply?

Where did you learn that you have to constrain your options to your local environment only?

And I will tell you: The city and location do matter. You may not be crazy to conclude that only other people like yourself settle for a work / life balance like this in that city.

A small local demographic problem turns into a major existential problem for you. No one young and fun wants to live in a boring ass city, suburb or financial center bereft of culture.

Go to Nashville. Go to Colorado.

I have been very surprised visiting Chicago, for example, at how vibrant and different and friendly people were.

And visiting Austin. Wow, you can go to live music all night for $15 and walk around between bars and there is culture to experience.

Or in Taipei. Woah, people hang out in cafes reading books at 2am at all night bookstores.

If you feel like your life sucks and your environment sucks, it probably does.

Lot of people I know literally just book a ticket and stay in hostels around Japan or Asia or Europe. Cheap, meet people, work remote.

Biggest challenge is going to be your unwillingness to take even the smallest risk. That is on you.