For those of you who are younger and perhaps haven't experienced it, forget the movie version of true love. This story is a much better example - it's imperfect, illogical, sometimes downright gritty and yet it persists (with bouquets of flowers spread throughout).
When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected
11–20 of 104 posts
Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected
#12Having such a marriage in this day and age is truly a luxury, reserved only for the deepest of lovers.
Deep love is practiced, not an accident. I've found that when I'm honest about my feelings, even the messy ones, honest about my thoughts, even if they don't paint me in a good light, my spouse hears me and eventually, accepts me. And it makes me fall in love all over again. It frees up my consciousness. I don't have to do the mental dance of "oh, you can say this, but don't say that. Say it this way, not that way. D…
Hear, hear. I've found the same. Love, like any sort of relationship, takes work and compromise, but when you do it with honesty and candidly, it grows far more easily.
Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected
#13Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected
#14Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected
#15Earlier quoted context omitted.
I wonder why people downvoted you. Maybe they don't agree and it is fine, but why try to silence?
I didn't downvote, but I always find "this day and age" kind of sentiments extremely eye-rolly, like things were better in some mythic past.
Unless you think that things are always getting better, it is necessarily implied that some things were better in the past.
Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected
#16Earlier quoted context omitted.
I wonder why people downvoted you. Maybe they don't agree and it is fine, but why try to silence?
I didn't downvote, but I always find "this day and age" kind of sentiments extremely eye-rolly, like things were better in some mythic past.
> like things were better in some mythic past.
It doesn't need to mean this.
We've got so much choice in how we structure our lives now.
Choice mostly makes things better. Lots of bad outcomes become less prevalent.
But some good outcomes become harder to find, and one can rationally have nostalgia for them.
Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected
#17> It’s hard to accept the possibility that Judy may have completely forgotten about me, but a lifetime of living with disability has shown me how delicate human bodies and minds can be, how little it can take to dramatically, traumatically alter—or end—lives. Two rogue bones in my neck. Plaque on my beloved’s brain. Great love stories begin with such heady promise and end with such sadness and grief—but, at least in…
True love is something that takes work. Sure some people mesh better than others, and if you picked your mate mostly on aesthetics you may realize that having someone you like to look at is not the way to sustain a multi decade relationship. I think when it comes to a partner, you have to just decide that you are always willing to meet them where they are. Its not always where you want them to be either. The flipside of course is that your partner should feel the same way and be willing to endure your ups and downs
Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected
#18Having such a marriage in this day and age is truly a luxury, reserved only for the deepest of lovers.
Deep love is practiced, not an accident. I've found that when I'm honest about my feelings, even the messy ones, honest about my thoughts, even if they don't paint me in a good light, my spouse hears me and eventually, accepts me. And it makes me fall in love all over again. It frees up my consciousness. I don't have to do the mental dance of "oh, you can say this, but don't say that. Say it this way, not that way. D…
Be honest about your feelings, but still strive to be deserving of her, that’s what I try to practice :)
Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected
#19Earlier quoted context omitted.
I wonder why people downvoted you. Maybe they don't agree and it is fine, but why try to silence?
I didn't downvote, but I always find "this day and age" kind of sentiments extremely eye-rolly, like things were better in some mythic past.
> I always find "this day and age" kind of sentiments extremely eye-rolly, like things were better in some mythic past.
I've encountered this sentiment, several times, lately. In my experience, any mention of a time before now, especially, when they find out that I am "chronologically-challenged," is met by a "Don't tell me about the 'good old days,' Grandpa!".
This day and age, seems to have established a culture of real, nasty, institutionalized, anger at previous generations. It is unlike what I experienced. Younger folks have railed against their seniors for all of human history, but now, it's personal.
I think I understand where a lot of the anger comes from. My generation has caused a lot of damage, and has exhibited almost awe-inspiring levels of selfishness. I'm pretty pissed, and I'm one of them.
But that ain't me. I have lived a long-ish life, and have developed a lot of experience and PoV, as a result. I'm a kind, unselfish person, looking forward to the future, and making the world a better place, for my having lived in it. Not all that is old, is bad. Much is not directly applicable to today's world, but should not be discarded, wholesale. In many cases, only minor adjustments need to be done, in order to make a viewpoint, technique, or philosophy applicable to today's world.
The story is a heart-wrenching one. I have many peers, experiencing a lot of these types of things (One of the things that happens, as we age). Not all of them are handling it as well as the author.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but all of us are destined to become "boomers." Every. Single. One. Of. Us. No exceptions. The alternative kind of sucks. One day, we will all be where I am. That is what makes ageism so crazy.
I have been around long enough to watch some folks hoist by their own petard (a classic saying, BTW). They established a corporate culture, that eventually excluded them.
https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news-in-pictures/news-briefly...
Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected
#20Earlier quoted context omitted.
I wonder why people downvoted you. Maybe they don't agree and it is fine, but why try to silence?
Bitter divorcees probably. Having a marriage like that is a luxury though. Let's be honest: marriage is not the same as it was 40-80 years ago, and that's because society is not the same it was. Long term commitment to your spouse seems to be an idea left to the past now.
"Long term commitment" isn't a luxury though, it's dedicated effort on the part of both spouses.