What is the root of my extreme negative thinking patterns?

The “root” is likely to be trauma or bad experiences in your past. E.g. bullying, poor parenting, divorce, poverty, neglect, etc. there are many many possibilities.

It’s pretty easy to have these kinds of experience and not be sure how they relate you your current experience.

Knowing what the “root” is helpful over the long term for eventual healing, but over the short and medium term you need support. There are many people here discussing therapy and doing a better job than I can.

Importantly, know that there is a reason you feel this way, and that even if it feels like it’s your fault, you don’t deserve to suffer like this. It is possible to heal, and that will likely be a gradual process that take times and support.

Be as kind to yourself as you can - even a small amount helps, and seek help.

Hey Tim, can you share a little more? When I clicked on your thread, I was expecting at least a couple of sentences in explanation on your situation. As of now, the only reasonable respond you'll get, is, to go see a therapist - which a couple of people pointed out before me and you should read closely what they wrote. But visiting a therapist and getting an appointment can take a while and HN usually has a lot of good advise to offer what you could do in the meantime to improve your situation. But that'd require a bit more information. If you want to share more, that might give you some valuable insight on how other people dealt with similar situations. If you don't want to tell more about you - which is perfectly fine - but want _additional_ approaches, you can browse previous HN threads [1]. But definitely look after an appointment with a therapist. All the best to you! :)

[1] https://hn.algolia.com/ (don't spend too much time there, it's endless)

Check out CPTSD (Complex Post-traumatic Stress Disorder) and Childhood Emotional Neglect. What you describe is very common in people who were emotionally neglected or mistreated as children.

That's a great question. The only author I've ever read that I think comes close to answering your question is a pseudonymous author called "Alone", who wrote the blog The Last Psychiatrist.

Here is one article relevant to your question:

> https://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2011/04/the_abusive_boyfrien...

Here is one article that describes the main lens he uses to look at personality, which is "narcissism":

> https://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2010/02/the_other_ego_epidem...

Here is the archive of posts:

> https://thelastpsychiatrist.com/archives.html

In short--to stop suffering from extreme negative thinking, you will need to change your life. To change your life, you will need to live differently. However, living differently is harder than being unhappy. It will always be much easier to endlessly introspect about why you're unhappy than it will be to do the work of changing your life in order to live differently.

Good luck. I would be happy to send you some other primary sources that helped me in my life; my email is in my HN profile, but I may not have had the unique problems you have and could just be another dud.

(The only shot-in-the-dark tip I have for you is to stop hanging out and trusting dishonest people. It is not always easy to recognize when someone is dishonest, but once you've figured it out, don't make excuses to keep trusting them.)

I completely disagree on not listening to your brain. Your brain has an emotional side, some call it your inner child, that is the raw unfiltered you. You inner child might be screaming out for help because he doesn't feel safe and needs your help. That is worth listening to. You don't want to just grit your teeth and ignore your worries.

Your feelings are completely valid and there is a reason you have them. Don't ignore them.

That being said, you also don't want to let your brain run away and make you miserable with repeated worrying. It's a balance to recognize that you feelings are real, deserve to be recognized, maybe require action, but also to not let your worries dominate your life.