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Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#11

Post by randycupertino »

Have you ever read the book "How to win Friends and Influence People?" It really helped me become a more positive, likable person. Something about viewing the world through everyone else's eyes and appreciating the good points in everyone. It's weird because it's common sense stuff, but it was a game changer for me. Now I'm friends with the grocery store clerk, the home depot guy, my neighbors, coworkers etc.

I try to keep a balance and not go too far into the happy happy sunshine all the time mindset either because "toxic positivity" can also come with it's own set of problems, but overall I think just being more likable and charismatic and having genuine connections with people in life helped my mindset a ton.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#12

Post by codinghorror »

randycupertino wrote: post #11

Have you ever read the book "How to win Friends and Influence People?" It really helped me become a more positive, likable person. Something about viewing the world through everyone else's eyes and appreciating the good points in everyone. It's weird because it's common sense stuff, but it was a game changer for me. Now I'm friends with the grocery store clerk, the home depot guy, my neighbors, coworkers etc. I try t…

bravo! the carnegie book is a classic for good reason.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#13

Post by 300bps »

oblib wrote: post #9

I've pointed out to close friends and family "there are people who walk into a room and look for something to complain about, and they will always find something because nothing is too small for them to complain about". That's a habit, and it's a pretty annoying one if you're living with someone who does that, and I have lived with a few who did. After dealing it with for a long time I finally came up with that respo…

Anyone who thinks nothing of chronically pointing out your flaws will think nothing of berating you for pointing out their flaws.

They'll readily recognize how rude you're being while simultaneously not recognizing you're doing to them once what they've done to you dozens or hundreds of times.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#14

Post by jpgvm »

I don't. I embrace it. Negativity is your mind telling you something is wrong.

Just complaining when you feel negative about something isn't the appropriate response though. It's the easy reponse but it's not productive and won't remove negativity in the long term even if it feels good to get a good rant out.

Listen to what negative emotions you have and form actions to remove the negative stimuli.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#15

Post by duopixel »

CincinnatiMan wrote: post #5

I used to be a negative and cynical person, but lowering my stress gave me a more positive attitude. I accomplished this by getting a lower stress job, recalibrating what I wanted out of life (time and relaxation instead of money and promotions) and also at times taking an SSRI.

Agreed. Attempting to repress negativity is blocking an exhaust valve, what needs to be addressed is the emotional state that causes negativity.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#16

Post by adamcharnock »

Rather than trying to suppress the thing you don’t want, try to nurture the thing you do want. I suspect (but don’t know) that suppressing will have weird side-effects and not actually provide much growth, but if you nurture the thing you do want then the unwanted characteristics will naturally atrophy.

In your case, try to nurture positivity instead of suppressing negativity. Perhaps write a blog post on something you are excited about. Or write more comments of the “Yes, and…” variety.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#17

Post by jayceedenton »

300bps wrote: post #13
oblib wrote: post #9

I've pointed out to close friends and family "there are people who walk into a room and look for something to complain about, and they will always find something because nothing is too small for them to complain about". That's a habit, and it's a pretty annoying one if you're living with someone who does that, and I have lived with a few who did. After dealing it with for a long time I finally came up with that respo…

Anyone who thinks nothing of chronically pointing out your flaws will think nothing of berating you for pointing out their flaws. They'll readily recognize how rude you're being while simultaneously not recognizing you're doing to them once what they've done to you dozens or hundreds of times.

This is very accurate. I've come across a couple of people like this in my time. It's thankfully not that common but when you meet them, you'll know.

If someone has this mindset then in my opinion there really is no way to enlighten them. It's a character trait that runs deep. I think best to accept that you don't want this kind of interaction in your life and minimise contact as much as possible. It's certainly better than stooping to the same level.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#18

Post by Buttons840 »

Times when I've been most negative it's because I'm seeking personal satisfaction from work projects, and don't have time to do my own projects. I'm doing better now by leaving work at work, working fewer hours (remote without a commute), and seeking satisfaction from my own side projects.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#19

Post by RangerScience »

jpgvm wrote: post #14

I don't. I embrace it. Negativity is your mind telling you something is wrong. Just complaining when you feel negative about something isn't the appropriate response though. It's the easy reponse but it's not productive and won't remove negativity in the long term even if it feels good to get a good rant out. Listen to what negative emotions you have and form actions to remove the negative stimuli.

> Negativity is your mind telling you something is wrong

Yes, but... it might not be the thing you're currently being negative about. If you're finding yourself negative about many things, or often, then it's probably a more persistent circumstance. (Maybe you hate your job, or your apartment, or....)

> Listen to what negative emotions you have and form actions to remove the negative stimuli.

Yes, absolutely. Two more tips for doing this: you don't have to finish (you don't even have to be able to finish); and you can find the smallest step and do that one (maybe just the once, maybe more than once).

IMHO, throughout it all, it's sliiiightly more important to cultivate emotional self-awareness than it is to actually resolve anything. Resolving things is linear growth; cultivating emotional self-awareness is compounding growth. Resolve things as much as you can while maintaining the self-awareness, and over time, I would expect to see substantial changes.

Re: Ask HN: How do you tackle your own negativity?

#20

Post by bedobi »

As much as I hate it, it's undeniably in my nature to whine and rant quite a bit. (even that sentence was me whining, lol)

But I'm also simultaneously a jolly, upbeat, joky person who don't take myself or my rants too seriously. Humans are complex :P

There have been periods of my life when I recognized negativity was taking over to the point there wasn't much positivity or joy at all. During such times it takes pretty deliberate effort to cut out sources of negativity (for me it was hyperconsumption of news and social media - I cut most of it out) and introducing sources of positivity and joy. (for me it was trying to learn to dance at age 30, switching from a cave gym to exercising outdoors in the sun, and spending more time with friends instead of in front of the computer - I think those last two are huge, especially for the hackernews crowd who probably spend more time than others by themselves and indoors in front of a computer)

When I still get frustrated with things at work and elsewhere, a trick I use is to ask myself whether whatever I'm fussing over is that important in my life - overwhelmingly, the answer is no, I won't even remember it five years from now, and I can just acknowledge I disagree with it, it annoys me etc but just move along.

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