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On Solitude

eriktorenberg.substack.com

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Re: On Solitude

#11

Post by Zababa »

crazy_horse wrote: post #3

Interesting that he notes Wallace there. Wallace was a lonely dude. I still really admire the things he said about leadership and his fiction is truly unique....loneliness is a theme throughout. I think I related to him partially because of that. I recently came across an article about him where he basically couldn't accept that fixing his loneliness wasn't someone else' job. This seems relevant but it also bothered…

I wonder if one day as a society we'll be able to accept again that humans are flawed, and often the most popular are the most flawed. That's not to excuse what he's done or anything like that, but we can still find some interesting things or a bit of peace in his words. The "huge caveat" you talk about applies to pretty much everyone.

Re: On Solitude

#12

Post by LimitedInfo »

qzw wrote: post #8

Of all the writings on solitude that I’ve come across, almost all are from the male perspective. Anybody know of some good female/other writings on the subject? I have daughters, and I’d like to be able to better relate to them on this.

I'm not sure that anything in this piece was gender influenced. The author could have a female name and I wouldn't have been surprised.

Re: On Solitude

#13

Post by franek »

qzw wrote: post #8

Of all the writings on solitude that I’ve come across, almost all are from the male perspective. Anybody know of some good female/other writings on the subject? I have daughters, and I’d like to be able to better relate to them on this.

Ursula K. Le Guin, "Solitude", from the collection "The Birthday of the World". Speculative story about a society whose adults spent the majority of their lives alone. Told from a female perspective. One of my favourites, to say the least.

Re: On Solitude

#14

Post by qzw »

LimitedInfo wrote: post #12
qzw wrote: post #8

Of all the writings on solitude that I’ve come across, almost all are from the male perspective. Anybody know of some good female/other writings on the subject? I have daughters, and I’d like to be able to better relate to them on this.

I'm not sure that anything in this piece was gender influenced. The author could have a female name and I wouldn't have been surprised.

I think there are a lot of things that men take for granted that are not equally available to women. To me, the thought of going into the woods for a weekend with no connection to the outside world sounds peaceful and rather wonderful. But to my wife, it would sound downright alarming. I think it's hard to focus on connecting with one's true self while also worrying about one's physical safety. So I'd like to read more female perspectives on actively seeking out solitude (as opposed to just experiencing loneliness).

Re: On Solitude

#15

Post by david_b »

qzw wrote: post #8

Of all the writings on solitude that I’ve come across, almost all are from the male perspective. Anybody know of some good female/other writings on the subject? I have daughters, and I’d like to be able to better relate to them on this.

I'm not sure to what degree her perspective is specifically feminine, but Sara Maitland has written two books on solitude and silence: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/20518977-how-to-be-alone https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4437202-a-book-of-silenc...

Re: On Solitude

#16

Post by milquetoastaf »

qzw wrote: post #8

Of all the writings on solitude that I’ve come across, almost all are from the male perspective. Anybody know of some good female/other writings on the subject? I have daughters, and I’d like to be able to better relate to them on this.

Check out the writings of Clarice Lispector, especially The Passion According to G.H

Re: On Solitude

#17

Post by crdrost »

jplr8922 wrote: post #9

The author mentions that his technique is not meditation, but his description is very similar to zen meditation ; just sitting in a state of awareness. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shikantaza

There is definitely something in common with zazen but it is worth not externalizing it for two reasons.

1. I was formerly a Buddhist and I find it unserious, maybe even cringey or appropriative? People who are doing Buddhism are actually on a larger journey which their meditation is a component of, they want to train their attention to be able to truly be present and free of the bullshit of this world... the endless co-opting of mindfulness and meditation to "go out and be a more productive paper-pusher" just seems kind of... I don't know. Profane. Take something holy and put it into an unholy context. Same like I don't make it a point to describe it now as "bathing in the Holy Spirit without any other things to direct yourself to other than your belovedness as an adopted Child of God." You can describe it that way, but if someone's not on that journey that is a rather profane and unsettling thing to do, no?

2. By making it internal, for example by describing it as "doing nothing," I think it makes it easier? If you are setting up for zazen then you might go out and buy a good mat, buy a zafu, clear out a room so that you can stare at a blank wall, listen to many podcasts about the goals and aims of meditation. Like I said, this was an important part of my religious journey and if you're on one yourself, great! But the goal of doing nothing is much simpler than that and does not require special preparation.

I might have chosen an article more along the lines of (2), for example https://www.insidethetravellab.com/the-importance-of-doing-n... , where it's like "no we have seen this in a neuroscience context, here are some resources about what this is called in, say, athletic training contexts etc." Doesn't matter where you do it, it matters what your responsibilities are while you're doing it (namely, that you don't have any).

Re: On Solitude

#18

Post by 1auralynn »

qzw wrote: post #14
LimitedInfo wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm not sure that anything in this piece was gender influenced. The author could have a female name and I wouldn't have been surprised.

I think there are a lot of things that men take for granted that are not equally available to women. To me, the thought of going into the woods for a weekend with no connection to the outside world sounds peaceful and rather wonderful. But to my wife, it would sound downright alarming. I think it's hard to focus on connecting with one's true self while also worrying about one's physical safety. So I'd like to read mo…

Somewhat unrelated to your point but something I always found kind of hilarious is the fact that Thoreau had his laundry and food shopping/prep done by some local women while he was living his 'spartan' life in the woods.

Re: On Solitude

#19

Post by sologirlcamper »

qzw wrote: post #14
LimitedInfo wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm not sure that anything in this piece was gender influenced. The author could have a female name and I wouldn't have been surprised.

I think there are a lot of things that men take for granted that are not equally available to women. To me, the thought of going into the woods for a weekend with no connection to the outside world sounds peaceful and rather wonderful. But to my wife, it would sound downright alarming. I think it's hard to focus on connecting with one's true self while also worrying about one's physical safety. So I'd like to read mo…

This seems like such a strange thing to say. Why does your wife find having no connection to civilisation "downright alarming"? If women are supposed to find outdoor solitude frightening or something, nobody's told me! I'm hoping this doesn't come across as angry, it just feels like a bizarre thing to read.

Re: On Solitude

#20

Post by scythe »

sologirlcamper wrote: post #19
qzw wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think there are a lot of things that men take for granted that are not equally available to women. To me, the thought of going into the woods for a weekend with no connection to the outside world sounds peaceful and rather wonderful. But to my wife, it would sound downright alarming. I think it's hard to focus on connecting with one's true self while also worrying about one's physical safety. So I'd like to read mo…

This seems like such a strange thing to say. Why does your wife find having no connection to civilisation "downright alarming"? If women are supposed to find outdoor solitude frightening or something, nobody's told me! I'm hoping this doesn't come across as angry, it just feels like a bizarre thing to read.

I think it is interesting to ask about cognitive bias w.r.t. attitudes towards certain threats. Consider a bear. Neither a man nor a woman is likely to win a fight with a bear (though the man has a slightly better shot). Both men and women could probably learn to scare off most bears rather easily, and bear mace works the same for everyone. We might consider on this basis that the actual risk from bears is similar regardless of gender. But is it perceived that way? Is the comparative risk assessment accurate? And whose attitude is irrational - men, women, both or neither?
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