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I just learned I only have months to live. This is what I want to say

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Re: I just learned I only have months to live. This is what I want to say

#11

Post by fellowniusmonk »

BigHatLogan wrote: post #5

That was quite nice. The writer seems to be in relative peace about the whole situation, or at least as peaceful as one can be knowing that the end is near. Unrelated but related: How do we keep stories like this in the "middle" of our minds? I've noticed with myself--and many others--that we read articles and essays like this, contemplate them for a moment or two, think about how we should be more {appreciate, grate…

I was born with multiple heart defect. I've had so many surgeries I wasn't sure I'd wake up from, in fact my first surgery was at 3 and is my first memory, for a couple weeks out of every year I practically live at a cardiologist.. it's funny talking about waiting for a package. Most things roll off my back but waiting.. for packages, waiting in line, etc. drive me nuts.

I could die at any second, I want to experience all the things, I'm eager to live.

I think when you really are inescapably a dead man walking your priorities change but not in the same way as a healthy person who is freshly confronted by their mortality. It's two distinct paths of human experience.

Life goes on and nothing has meaning unless you ascribe meaning to it. It feels to me that most people forget to live, they don't even know what they value, they don't know what life or world constitutes a beautiful life/world to them.

Re: I just learned I only have months to live. This is what I want to say

#13

Post by BigHatLogan »

fellowniusmonk wrote: post #11
BigHatLogan wrote: post #5

That was quite nice. The writer seems to be in relative peace about the whole situation, or at least as peaceful as one can be knowing that the end is near. Unrelated but related: How do we keep stories like this in the "middle" of our minds? I've noticed with myself--and many others--that we read articles and essays like this, contemplate them for a moment or two, think about how we should be more {appreciate, grate…

I was born with multiple heart defect. I've had so many surgeries I wasn't sure I'd wake up from, in fact my first surgery was at 3 and is my first memory, for a couple weeks out of every year I practically live at a cardiologist.. it's funny talking about waiting for a package. Most things roll off my back but waiting.. for packages, waiting in line, etc. drive me nuts. I could die at any second, I want to experienc…

Geez--that sounds rough. I literally cannot imagine what that must be like (and hope I never have to). Good luck with everything.

Haha--I'm glad you also brought up the packages and waiting in line. It's such a strange annoyance. Like you said, you experience multiple surgeries per year, yet you still experience the same frustration with the packages! I find that incredibly...reassuring is the word that comes to mind. That hopefully means I'm not just some impatient, sulky person, and that we all experience similar day-to-day annoyances, no matter who we are or what our situation is.

Has having the heart defect had a noticeable "outcome" in your life? I guess what I mean is: Do you feel you've made different, better, more conscious choices about school, career, friendships, relationships, etc. due to your having this condition? I think most of us imagine that if we were suddenly diagnosed with a terrible illness or condition, we'd probably start immediately prioritizing things, maybe even quit our jobs, etc. But I'm also suspicious if that's really true. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

Re: I just learned I only have months to live. This is what I want to say

#14

Post by martinmakesgame »

BigHatLogan wrote: post #5

That was quite nice. The writer seems to be in relative peace about the whole situation, or at least as peaceful as one can be knowing that the end is near. Unrelated but related: How do we keep stories like this in the "middle" of our minds? I've noticed with myself--and many others--that we read articles and essays like this, contemplate them for a moment or two, think about how we should be more {appreciate, grate…

> How do we keep stories like this in the "middle" of our minds?

I hope this is helpful. A part of Stoicism can be remembering death. There is a nature walk that I often do and I see two cemeteries on my way. I'm reminded that I need to do what I can each day and take responsibility for myself. If I smile at another person and help someone, then I've done what I can and that's enough

Re: I just learned I only have months to live. This is what I want to say

#15

Post by coder-3 »

BigHatLogan wrote: post #5

That was quite nice. The writer seems to be in relative peace about the whole situation, or at least as peaceful as one can be knowing that the end is near. Unrelated but related: How do we keep stories like this in the "middle" of our minds? I've noticed with myself--and many others--that we read articles and essays like this, contemplate them for a moment or two, think about how we should be more {appreciate, grate…

Your more general enquiry seems to be around how to be more grateful and less neurotic and I think that mindfulness meditation should help improve those areas.

Being more mindful helps you become more self-aware. Thus, when you feel frustrated you are more likely to objectively notice the emotion which somehow makes it unravel.

As for the gratitude I don't know how mindfulness meditation helps with that but experientially (n=1) I can tell you that it does.

Re: I just learned I only have months to live. This is what I want to say

#16

Post by punkspider »

djohnston wrote: post #6

"EDITING THE FINAL DETAILS of one’s life is like editing a story for the final time. It’s the last shot an editor has at making corrections, the last rewrite before the roll of the presses. It’s more painful than I anticipated to throw away files and paperwork that seemed critical to my survival just two weeks ago, and today, are all trash. Like the manual for the TV that broke down four years ago, and notebooks for…

The last sentence is the one that hit me really hard.

Re: I just learned I only have months to live. This is what I want to say

#17

Post by BigHatLogan »

martinmakesgame wrote: post #14
BigHatLogan wrote: post #5

That was quite nice. The writer seems to be in relative peace about the whole situation, or at least as peaceful as one can be knowing that the end is near. Unrelated but related: How do we keep stories like this in the "middle" of our minds? I've noticed with myself--and many others--that we read articles and essays like this, contemplate them for a moment or two, think about how we should be more {appreciate, grate…

> How do we keep stories like this in the "middle" of our minds? I hope this is helpful. A part of Stoicism can be remembering death. There is a nature walk that I often do and I see two cemeteries on my way. I'm reminded that I need to do what I can each day and take responsibility for myself. If I smile at another person and help someone, then I've done what I can and that's enough

The cemetery exercise is interesting. How long do you find that it helps you for, if that makes any sense? Suppose you're frustrated about something that happened in the morning--let's say something "innocuous" in the grand scheme of things, like the wind knocking your fence down--do you find that seeing the cemetery takes a little bit of the edge off? And if so, for how long?

Smiling at people and helping them--I love that! Sometimes in the mornings when I get Starbucks, I'll do the "pay it forward" thing, where you end up paying for the person next in line. I don't know how ubiquitous this practice is, but I'd say once a week someone does it for me at Starbucks, so I try to do the same. I've found that it puts a pep in my step for the next few hours, similar to your smiling and helping people.

Re: I just learned I only have months to live. This is what I want to say

#18

Post by BigHatLogan »

coder-3 wrote: post #15
BigHatLogan wrote: post #5

That was quite nice. The writer seems to be in relative peace about the whole situation, or at least as peaceful as one can be knowing that the end is near. Unrelated but related: How do we keep stories like this in the "middle" of our minds? I've noticed with myself--and many others--that we read articles and essays like this, contemplate them for a moment or two, think about how we should be more {appreciate, grate…

Your more general enquiry seems to be around how to be more grateful and less neurotic and I think that mindfulness meditation should help improve those areas. Being more mindful helps you become more self-aware. Thus, when you feel frustrated you are more likely to objectively notice the emotion which somehow makes it unravel. As for the gratitude I don't know how mindfulness meditation helps with that but experient…

Thanks for the suggestion. I've tried meditating before but, if I'm being honest, have never really given it a proper and earnest effort. Neurotic is definitely the perfect word to describe how I feel most of the time, so maybe this will finally be the kick-in-the-ass I need to give this a shot.

Re: I just learned I only have months to live. This is what I want to say

#19

Post by ianai »

BigHatLogan wrote: post #5

That was quite nice. The writer seems to be in relative peace about the whole situation, or at least as peaceful as one can be knowing that the end is near. Unrelated but related: How do we keep stories like this in the "middle" of our minds? I've noticed with myself--and many others--that we read articles and essays like this, contemplate them for a moment or two, think about how we should be more {appreciate, grate…

For me, blinding pain as an every day reality for decades of my life and a long period of unemployment after college makes everyday I’m painfree and employed sweet.

I found a similar attitude reading Dostoevsky and “one day in the life of Ivan Denisovich (sp?)”. They epitomize what I call embracing the struggle and are sort of a take on existentialism. Ie realize you exist in every moment (until your death) as a given and maintain the ability to separate your reaction to a moment for just long enough to consider your reaction to it.

Re: I just learned I only have months to live. This is what I want to say

#20

Post by graeme »

joshxyz wrote: post #4
readflaggedcomm wrote: post #2

To actually read the text: https://archive.is/EwSWT

Man, imagine writing a memoir, pouring your heart and life into it. Then it's behind a goddamn paywall, lol.

It wasn’t paywalled for me. I just had to click “read full article” to expand it
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