Program, program, program. Build something cool.
It's a grass is always greener on the other side thing, looking at other people's lives.
Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
11–20 of 259 posts
Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
#12All social media, be it Tinder or elsewhere, is people's (possibly exaggerated) highlight reels. Don't compare your day-to-day average to that. The only thing worth comparing yourself is past you, to see if you're moving in the right direction. (But stop doing that once you get older :) )
Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
#13I was quite literally obsessed with programming. I would wake up in the morning, program all day, go to sleep, and repeat it the next day. This earned me many accolades in college and a great job afterward. But, like you, if I paused for a moment to reflect, I felt so incredibly empty and alone. The programming increasingly became an escapist activity to avoid these feelings. Then one day my old high school friend, w…
This is it, enough said.
You must learn to love yourself. It's a difficult road but it's arguably the most important one you'll ever take.
Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
#14I'm in your age range and sadly I'm hearing from A LOT of young men that Tinder is really damaging their self esteem (specifically the lack of matches most men get which can feel as bad as getting rejected face to face a thousand times to some men).
It's also disgusting that these apps take advantage of vulnerable young men desperate for connection by up-selling them on an endlessly growing list of paid add-ons that supposedly increase your odds of finding a partner (Boosts, Super Likes, Plus, Super Boost, Plus, Gold, Platinum, it never ends). Unfortunately, society at large does not really care that much about young men's mental health as much, so you won't see the media covering this predatory behavior targeting men.
IMO dating apps are probably doing more harm than good to young men in general, I think you're going to have to find ways to socialize in person. Maybe Meetups (the site/app) but don't just stick to coding stuff, branch out.
Also, I heard Tinder is like 70%+ male. Tinder is just not a good app for average guys.
Actually I know even above average guys (handsome, jacked, top 5-10% income) who don't have as much success as you might think (they can get women, but they have to jump through a lot of hoops just to get a woman who is quite frankly below their level, objectively speaking. To the point they question if it's even worth doing the dancing monkey routine.) They usually find women are far more receptive IRL compared to on the dating apps.
Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
#15> Feeling like a social outcast, and having an even stronger urge now in taking my own life - a decision I contemplated many times - ... I just feel very lost in life. I know that I'm a complete failure in life.
There's a stigma around mental health, but I would highly suggest going to a therapist/psychiatrist. That might be mild depression.
Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
#16"Happiness is stopping doing things that make you unhappy"
How much of what you are doing in life is driven by societal conditioning? How much of the loneliness is caused by social custom having convinced you that should not be alone?
There's no easy answers out there, but the first steps usually start with casting off societal expectations and learning to love yourself for who you are and explore what you want to explore in life.
Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
#17My life made no sense and felt like an endless pointless drift until I started teaching, first as a volunteer, and then later getting underpaid at a software company whose mission I believe in. Don't take your STEM abilities for granted, theyre less common then we usually think even when were not at the top of our field. You represent the future of humanity and it needs your help, even (especially) if its thankless work. Andre Tarkovsky said that he thought the point of existence was the battle between good and evil that takes place in the heart of every conscious being. I don't know if thats true but its brought me piece a lot as a frustrated depressed person. Also getting laid isnt that big of a deal, but staying open for love when it comes is. Kudos to you for getting on to one of those dating apps at all, theyre brutal but Ive seen them work for people long term who are probably a lot worse off than you. This kind of post is inspiring, thank you for being brave and putting yourself out there.
Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
#18There's enough other advice here that I just want to focus on one area on the safe assumption you're a straight male: Tinder is pretty toxic for men. Now that things are opening up you should get out and meet people in person. For romance sure, but friends or even acquaintances as well. Tunnel vision caused by desperation doesn't help either. Relax and branch out. Fail with people and try again with others. And again, Tinder is toxic for the majority of males, use it if you like, hell get good at it but understand that your match count and profile are not you and those chat based interactions are empty and fleeting.
And don't kill yourself. At 23 the world is your god damned oyster even if it doesn't look like it. Your back probably hasn't even gotten achey yet.
Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
#191) If you are having serious intentions of self-harm, seek professional help. No other advice you read here (mine included) matters until you've done that.
2) Forget Tinder, and other social media too. It's just something to make you feel bad looking at the rest of the world's highlight reel.
3) You're not yet 23. You haven't failed at life, because—frankly—you haven't had a chance to live any of it yet.
4) Get off screens and go outside. Go for a walk near trees in the sun.
5) If you've got friends, ask to spend time with them. Doesn't matter what activity.
6) If you're short on friends, start making some new ones through shared activities. Sports, hobby classes, fellow dog owners at the dog park, whatever works best for you.
7) Get your sleep, diet, and exercise in order. These are foundational to feeling good and doing well at anything else over the long term. Ignore them at your peril.
Re: Ask HN: Words of encouragement for someone lost in life?
#20[deleted]