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Apology

felleisen.org

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Re: Apology

#11

Post by barnabees »

howolduis wrote: post #8

apology? nothing of what I read sounds like an apology. You basically said that your friends told you that what you did looked bad, and based on that, you feel sorry that he "felt" hurt. Then go on saying how good and gracious you were to him? c'mon... edit: typo

If this isn't a real apology then what would you say a real apology looks like?

Of the many public apologies I've read in the past this reads like an honest, genuine one. He admitted guilt, explained what he did wrong and did not try to justify it, and clearly stated that he apologizes. What's missing?

Re: Apology

#12

Post by Khalos »

howolduis wrote: post #8

apology? nothing of what I read sounds like an apology. You basically said that your friends told you that what you did looked bad, and based on that, you feel sorry that he "felt" hurt. Then go on saying how good and gracious you were to him? c'mon... edit: typo

I agree, this doesn't feel like much of an apology.

In addition to the reasons you mentioned, it also only acknowledges a single event, when the original post describes multiple incidents spanning multiple years.

Furthermore, there's no statement that suggests he intends to change his behavior in the future.

Re: Apology

#13

Post by DJBunnies »

Took a hard cs course with fellisen at NU.

Dude is ignorant to his toxic behavior, preaching egoless programming while being needlessly cruel during graded presentations.

I know many cs folks at NU refused to take his classes.

Re: Apology

#15

Post by sokoloff »

howolduis wrote: post #8

apology? nothing of what I read sounds like an apology. You basically said that your friends told you that what you did looked bad, and based on that, you feel sorry that he "felt" hurt. Then go on saying how good and gracious you were to him? c'mon... edit: typo

Did we read the same article? After reading your comment and then clicking through to the article, I expected to see a half-ass “I’m sorry that you over-reacted” or something.

Instead, I saw was seems like a clear and genuine apology that takes responsibility for their actions and overtly admits that they were wrong rather than equivocating.

Re: Apology

#16

Post by dsugarman »

howolduis wrote: post #8

apology? nothing of what I read sounds like an apology. You basically said that your friends told you that what you did looked bad, and based on that, you feel sorry that he "felt" hurt. Then go on saying how good and gracious you were to him? c'mon... edit: typo

I read it as I didn't understand how my actions were received, how I made you feel, that was not my intentions and I let other shit going on in my life feed into my grievances of that meeting. I always had so much respect for you that I thought you could be the best replacement for me (a big compliment)

I think he could be clearer on his delivery and it's obviously somewhat new territory given the context but I felt like I read a sincere apology accompanied by personal life lessons

Re: Apology

#17

Post by jtbayly »

Summary of several HN replies:

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Saying you’re sorry doesn’t cut it. You need to pay for it before we will accept your apology.”

Hence, cancel culture.

Edit: There’s no need to therefor assume the dude is totally changed based on one apology, but good grief people. The lesson I’m learning here is, “Never apologize. It will do no good and will simply drag the situation out longer.”

Re: Apology

#19

Post by jwcacces »

The only one who can judge the worthiness of this apology is Matthew Butterick himself. As for me, this sounds like the first steps of the self realization process Matthias should go through in an effort to better himself.

Let's not judge it to harshly. Rather let's encourage him to keep on walking down that path of self improvement that we all should be on.

Re: Apology

#20

Post by williamsmj »

barnabees wrote: post #11
howolduis wrote: post #8

apology? nothing of what I read sounds like an apology. You basically said that your friends told you that what you did looked bad, and based on that, you feel sorry that he "felt" hurt. Then go on saying how good and gracious you were to him? c'mon... edit: typo

If this isn't a real apology then what would you say a real apology looks like? Of the many public apologies I've read in the past this reads like an honest, genuine one. He admitted guilt, explained what he did wrong and did not try to justify it, and clearly stated that he apologizes. What's missing?

I have no doubt it is honest, but it's not a good apology. He barely remembers the specific incident (by his own admission). That's not his fault, but it makes the apology pretty much meaningless. He seems to assume he was a bit of a grumpy-puss that day, and that "jaded" their subsequent interactions. This is incredibly glib and diminishes the specific incident.

But more importantly, he never admits to being a bully. The original post gives this incident as an example of a pattern of abusive behavior. He sidesteps that entirely.

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