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I will never not talk about my depression

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Re: I will never not talk about my depression

#11

Post by gonehome »

threwway wrote: post #5
gonehome wrote: post #3

I wonder how much making being depressed part of your identity prevents you from getting better. I'm not dismissing the reality of it, but reinforcing it to yourself and others around you on a constant basis probably isn't helpful? Constantly ruminating on your depressed state probably isn't good either. Pretending everything is great probably isn't a good idea or likely even possible (or desirable?), but I'm not per…

I know some people who can talk about their psychological struggles and remain likeable (it's some kind of charisma superpower), but other people where it's just a massive bummer (myself included). Step number one of getting along with people has been masking my internal state where possible. That lets me get by. The endless pit of despair and hopelessness that long-term depression can present, as with many chronic i…

> I know some people who can talk about their psychological struggles and remain likeable

I'd argue this is the basis for all good standup comedy.

Re: I will never not talk about my depression

#12

Post by nonbirithm »

gonehome wrote: post #3

I wonder how much making being depressed part of your identity prevents you from getting better. I'm not dismissing the reality of it, but reinforcing it to yourself and others around you on a constant basis probably isn't helpful? Constantly ruminating on your depressed state probably isn't good either. Pretending everything is great probably isn't a good idea or likely even possible (or desirable?), but I'm not per…

Similarily, I found that having mental health diagnoses have reframed my already negative tendencies to merely assign concrete reasons to my failings that sound more justifiable to me.

So many decisions and feelings in my life have become framed around statements like "that was because my attention was lost," or "my attention is probably not going to hold up for another hour if I try that," or "I just wasn't paying attention." Every accomplishment and every mistake is colored though a lens of attention, or my lack of it.

The fact that I procrastinate is no longer because "I'm lazy," but "I have a debilitating lack of executive function." It sounds reasonable, and it can be useful to understand the reasons to find better ways of dealing with them. But merely changing the reason from a less specific to more specific one doesn't ultimately solve the problem of procrastination.

It can be tempting to indicate the diagnosis as revealing the one major problem interfering with a normal life, but for me that isn't the case. It provides me with an easy distraction from the problems with how I carry myself and my usual thought patterns.

If I try learning to draw, and reach for learning materials focused on drawing skills, almost none of them will go out of the way to state: your attitude may prevent you from making progress on this lesson. Someone who's in pristine shape and someone who can barely find the motivation to get out of bed each day could read the same book with the intention of learning how to draw and have significantly different outcomes without any explicit indication as to why from just reading the book alone.

Re: I will never not talk about my depression

#13

Post by newmnhn »

t0mbstone wrote: post #2

Wow, I wish I could just go on sick leave for 4 months because I was feeling depressed...

Huge difference between "feeling depressed" and "being unable to function on a daily basis due to a medical condition called depression".

Sick leave is appropriate if a person is sick. Depression can take over your life and make you unable to work. If sick leave does not exist for a depressed person they either become dependent on family or just get fired, risking homelessness, credit problems, increased chances of suicide etc.

In some countries and jobs ... well, that's what happens. But some places treat sick leave differently and if a doctor says you are sick you can get a lot of paid leave in order to recover.

Re: I will never not talk about my depression

#14

Post by gonehome »

mumblemumble wrote: post #10
gonehome wrote: post #3

I wonder how much making being depressed part of your identity prevents you from getting better. I'm not dismissing the reality of it, but reinforcing it to yourself and others around you on a constant basis probably isn't helpful? Constantly ruminating on your depressed state probably isn't good either. Pretending everything is great probably isn't a good idea or likely even possible (or desirable?), but I'm not per…

There's a saying therapists use, "What we resist persists." The research has shown that being open with others about your experience alleviates the symptoms of depression, including constant rumination. Putting on a happy face for the benefit of others, on the other hand, tends to make it much, much worse. There are of course confounding factors like whether the person has a victimization complex or whatever, but tho…

Yeah I agree with you - I think what I'm trying to say is more nuanced and super easy to misinterpret (even in good-faith).

It's not about putting a happy face on, but about seeing yourself as a 'depressed person' or as having depression being a core part of your identity. I think that can be harmful - and lead to weird psychologies where being depressed is more comfortable in a way, more familiar.

Being open/honest is good, but making being depressed part of the way you see 'who you are' is likely bad (imo).

Hypervigilance [0] is also a thing - and it can make things worse.

[0]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypervigilance

Re: I will never not talk about my depression

#15

Post by _zzaw »

t0mbstone wrote: post #2

Wow, I wish I could just go on sick leave for 4 months because I was feeling depressed...

I deal with depression.

If I could choose between a four-month vacation and not being depressed, I would take not being depressed. I wouldn't even have to think about it.

It's like looking at someone who's sick with a debilitating illness and saying "Wow, I sure wish I could just lie around in bed all day." No, t0mbstone, you don't. All the things you're imagining you'd do with that time—you can't really do them when you're feeling sick all day long.

This isn't just feeling blue. It's darkness, 24/7.

Re: I will never not talk about my depression

#17

Post by odyssey7 »

I've seen very promising people lose their dreams to depression. Often times, I think back to one profoundly talented programmer who I met in Miami years ago, who is no longer with us. (When I met her and saw what she was working on, I was intimidated to see what a high schooler these days could do, and to be honest I breathed a sigh of relief when I found out she was an outlier.) What a tragedy, and what a loss that was for her community. In other cases, I've seen passionate, curious people fail out of school or work and never recover personally or professionally from it.

Re: I will never not talk about my depression

#18

Post by andreyk »

gonehome wrote: post #3

I wonder how much making being depressed part of your identity prevents you from getting better. I'm not dismissing the reality of it, but reinforcing it to yourself and others around you on a constant basis probably isn't helpful? Constantly ruminating on your depressed state probably isn't good either. Pretending everything is great probably isn't a good idea or likely even possible (or desirable?), but I'm not per…

From my personal experience, depression is something that's there whether you think about it or not. Of course if you just think about it that'll just make things worse. But I don't think that's what this post is saying.

The conclusion is - "The majority of people are still uncomfortable when I casually mention my depression, but that doesn’t silence me. I do this not to elicit pity, or to be inspiration porn about overcoming obstacles, but to normalise this – people like me are here, everywhere, you could be me at any point in your life." and that sounds fine to me. If someone asks how you are, it is a positive thing to say you are dealing with depression to normalize it. I would probably not so it for everyone, but to friends and Co workers I think it is ultimately a good thing.

Re: I will never not talk about my depression

#19

Post by wizzwizz4 »

There're a lot of people in the comments here who don't seem to know what depression is.

Depression isn't just “I'm sad all the time”. Functionally, depression is a reduction in the set of actions that one can take. For some, it can be bad enough that “fill out this form, make this phone call, write the reference number on the form then post it” is too much. No, there's no reason they shouldn't be able to do that. That's why it's called a mental illness. Sure, they could “just try harder” except oops, that's not on the list either. (See http://www.depressionquest.com/dqfinal.html for a good analogy.)

Many depressed people come up with psychological tricks to move necessary tasks from the “unavailable actions” category to the “available actions” category. Possibly the best one I've heard is the “shower heist”: it's not “taking a shower”, it's grand theft of the clean.

If you think depression is “just laziness”, why would someone go to all the effort of reframing basic actions in this way? So please, none of that.

Re: I will never not talk about my depression

#20

Post by jstarfish »

gonehome wrote: post #11
threwway wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I know some people who can talk about their psychological struggles and remain likeable (it's some kind of charisma superpower), but other people where it's just a massive bummer (myself included). Step number one of getting along with people has been masking my internal state where possible. That lets me get by. The endless pit of despair and hopelessness that long-term depression can present, as with many chronic i…

> I know some people who can talk about their psychological struggles and remain likeable I'd argue this is the basis for all good standup comedy.

What's the one question you never want to ask a Munchhausen candidate?

"How are you doing?"

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