Earlier quoted context omitted.
Feedback for the creators: (1) Delete /anxiety ASAP. I suspect this was supposed to be humor, but it doesn't work. (2) Instead of ceding your first impression to chance, talk to people and figure out what messages/benefits resonate most with potential users. Feature those on your home page.
I thought it was pretty funny, but I suppose humor is subjective like that.
And no offence but when I am handing over my money and company data I am not looking for humour.